Rant

I haven't been on this in so long but I'm literally going crazy and I need to spill all this somewhere.

I have been thinking about you all day.

I mean.

I've been into you for a while, so thinking about you with some frequency is not unusual.
x

But I mean literally all day.

I just can't get over yesterday?

Well here's the thing: I was getting good vibes last week and tryna keep that up this week.

But by Thursday, I had convinced myself that I was reading too much into things and that I needed to chill out and that this is a one sided interest. (probably. mostly.)

But then last night.

Last night!

You came to the party, to the dance, and you started to hang out with me and my roomies/friends, and the longer it wore on the  more it seemed like everyone else was periphery and you were just hanging out with me. I wasn't sure what to make of it, but I'm not mad.

And like we were chatting and then you asked me to slow dance! and we did and it was so fun, and then we talked in the middle of the dance floor during that Latin song we didn't know how to dance to and did the Cupid Shuffle before we joined back up with our friends.

We all danced and had a good time--and as much as I am in the habit of looking for you and trying to be where you are,  without being creepy, it seemed like you were doing the same thing. Anytime you lost the group or I was somewhere else, you showed up again, looking for me.

I still don't know what colour your eyes are.

Off-topic, but it's been bothering me.

Then we went to do karaoke and it was so fun to be sitting there with you and you sat on the arm of the chair leaving space for a person and that was me who could sit there and you're so funny. And we watched our friends sing and we sang with our friends and then my lovely dears pulled a bit of a fast one on me and you and I duetted The Start of Something New from High School Musical and I JUST. I will never recover from that moment? And you hugged me and thanked me for singing with you, and I was on cloud nine, I thought. And we sat in the audience and sang Disney songs in three languages because we could and then my cousin and I got up to sing one more karaoke piece, and you'd been out of the room talking to a friend but you came in halfway through and when we were finished you said you were glad you hadn't missed it.

At this point it was getting pretty late and several of my friends had already been there longer than they'd been planning on, so they started peeling off, but I wasn't going anywhere if you weren't, and so we went back up to dance and what a blast it was, just goofing off and having fun with our friends, and having fun with you. It happened again that you got separated from the group and they decided to go somewhere, so I did a bit of a half hang back to make sure we didn't lose you, and I just- the moment of seeing you searching in the crowd and then our eyes meeting and your face shifting- will I ever recover?

So we all went to do the photo booth, and of course my roomies wanted to go together, but I went with you to because I wasn't going to not, and just sitting so close to you and laughing at the whole thing? My HEART. Also, I've got a good picture of your face to send my missionaries now, so that's a biiiiig plus. And a few more friends bailed, but we were still there, and so was one of my other roomies, and of course since I came with her, I was sticking with her.

And we were dancing with some other friends, and then we went to go put our photos in my purse- we'd meant to head right back, so I didn't tell you where we were going, but maybe I should have? In any case, we were on the other side of the room when you came over to ask if my roomie was leaving, and I told you no, we were just putting the photos away. But you came, you thought we were leaving and you made sure to catch us. 

And there is a part of me that can't believe this is happening, can't believe the way everything is looking, because I am not used to things going my way and you are wonderful?

And we went and joined up with another group of friends and just danced and had such a good time. So then the DJ announces that there's only about twenty minutes left and he's going to play the last slow song and me and my roomie kinda jokingly backed off the dance floor, but then you looked at me and held out your hand and of course I went to dance with you and wow I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. Just. Being so close to you- because it was close, you were holding me close- and laughing and talking and I taught you to waltz, I mean badly the song was in four but, just being. And you hugged me when the song ended and thanked me for dancing with you.

I literally can't stop thinking about it, about you.

And it's past midnight now but I need to get this off my chest somehow, so anyway continuing

So they do the last slow dance and then we were swing dancing and having a grand time and we were laughing and then we got absorbed into this line dance but it was so fun, and for the last two songs we joined up with our friends again.

Then the last roomie and I invited you and a couple of our other friends over for ice cream and a movie and you came and you sat by me during the movie and didn't hate that I commented and UGH it was just PERFECTION to be sitting there with you. And then when it ended we just sat there talking for a minute, until you and the other friends had to leave (because we obey curfew because we're good hooligans). But when you went to leave you hugged me. Again.

And I can't. I don't know what to do with this, but in absolutely the best way possible.

And I just keep replaying every scene from last night over and over in my head and thinking about the hugs and the slow dance and you laughing at things I said and singing with you and the slow dance and I'm so so happy about it.

So this afternoon I texted you to say that I'd had a lot of fun and that I enjoy hanging out with you and you responded that you love being around me too.

I haven't been able to stop grinning.

Is this happening???