THE FIRST PAGE
When I open up a book and I flip through the pages, I get to know its weight and its feel and I dive in, reading myself into a new world. Often, I find myself falling in love with a character, wishing I could write him out of the book into reality... Rarely, I fall in love with a book itself, and every time I pick it up, it's like greeting a long-lost friend.
And sometimes, I will fall in love with a book on the very first page. There's only one thing that causes this: writing that is artwork, beautiful and perfect- well, not perfect, because art is not meant to be perfect but meant to make you feel something- writing that wraps around my soul, fills the crevices in my heart, fills me with emotion, takes my breath away.
I fell in love with you on the first page. Whoever wrote you knew what they were doing when they put that sparkle in your sky blue eyes, when they wrote music into your voice, when they gave a sense of humour to the most intelligent, passionate person I'd ever met. Whoever wrote you made an absolute masterpiece out of what could have been another awkward teenager, but instead turned out to be a piece of solid ground for two years of my life, a safe place when I was shattered, a perfect understanding when I needed it, a hand in mine.
I fell in love with you on the first page, when I saw how loyal and dependable you were to your friends, how quick to defend the ones you love. When I saw how excited you get about the details in a book or a movie, how you notice all the little things about places and people. When I heard you talking about music, and I knew your heart would understand mine. Yes, with you, I fell in love on the first page.
And some books, I find myself being drawn into, slowly, inexorably, until- something snaps. It may be that the author breaks the laws of their own universe, or writes an ending that, however critically acclaimed, I find disappointing or upsetting in all the wrong ways, or they ruin a character. Books like that, I never pick up again. I was afraid you would become one of those- but whoever wrote you knew what they were doing. Yes, you had flaws and failings, but doesn't every hero? Whoever wrote you knew that it's ok for a person to be angry or make mistakes, but they knew that you can always become a better person. And so, you drew me in, farther and farther- and you never broke the laws of your own universe.
I fell in love with you on the first page, and I couldn't help hoping you'd be like one of those books that I keep around forever, that's always there on my shelf, the book that knows my soul because I've screamed and thrown things and cried and laughed and celebrated over its pages, the books that mean more to me than almost anything in the world. And whoever wrote you know what they were doing, because for a while, you were. You cheered for my accomplishments and held me when I cried and you made me laugh, all the time you were there. Yes, you were one of the books I could keep around forever, and I fell in love with you on the first page.
Books like that, though, are the most exquisite kind of torture, because, despite how wonderful they are, there are moments when they tear me to pieces, or break my heart. And with some, I end up sobbing... But they're so beautiful, all the moments of despair combined with those of elation. You were one of those. I fell in love with you on the first page, but there were moments when I thought you'd never see me the way I saw you, the times I encouraged you with other people because they made you happy, the times when I just held my feelings in, and it all just broke my heart. And there were times my heart broke for you, when you argued with your parents, couldn't help a friend, didn't know what to do. But whoever wrote you knew what they were doing, because with all that, they wrote the golden moments that made it all worth it, all the laughter and carefree easiness, the times you said you didn't know what you'd do without me, the beautiful friendship we had... And it eventually developed into something more, and for a little while it wasn't your story or my story, it was our story. But then... It had to come to an end, and that was when I ended up sobbing, even though I'd fallen in love with you on the first page.
There are books that I read once, and I love them, but I never find them again. They lurk in the shadows of my memory, bringing sorrow because I've lost them forever. After our story ended, I was afraid you'd become one of those, and it just seemed like a waste of such a friendship, an absolute tragedy, especially since I'd fallen in love on the first page.
But whoever wrote you knew what they were doing, because that didn't happen. Instead, you became the well-loved book that I rediscover every once in a while, taking it out and turning the pages, reliving the adventures- even the parts that broke my heart- through a haze of happiness, because all ends well. It's not our story anymore, but my story and your story still meet sometimes, and so the memories are cherished. You're the well-loved, old friend of a book who I only read every once in a while, and that is alright. Yes, whoever wrote you knew what they were doing.
And so, I fell in love with you on the first page.
But that was a long time ago. :]
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Yep. That's a thing I wrote. It's about Tak and me. And basically, that is the progression of our relationship, from friends to more and back to friends, and how I feel about it. It's all good. Life is chill, and everything in that arena is alright. :]
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