Writer's Festival II

So, a while back, I wrote about my county's Writers' Festival. Basically, it's for students kindergarten through twelfth grade, and the three to five best entries from each grade get published in a collection. The authors of the three best entries from each grade get to go to an awards ceremony, where it will be revealed who placed first, second, and third. I thought, "Why not?" and entered a few poems that I LOVE that I've written. It was terrifying for me, though.

I wasn't necessarily expecting anything to come of it, because poetry is judged against prose, there aren't separate categories, and there are a lot of kids in my grade in my county.

BUT.

Today, I got a letter informing me that my poem, "When the Ink Runs Dry" has been selected as a winner in the festival and inviting me and my parents to the awards ceremony!

I'm THRILLED! And surprised! And just, WOW! This is AWESOME for me! I mean, I like my poetry, and sometimes people tell me it's good, but I was not expecting this! It's kind of validating for me, this realisation that other people, people who don't KNOW me, like my poetry! SO COOL. And this is the first piece I'll ever have published!

And the other thing is, I wrote that poem in November, as a free-write for my English class. We write every Friday, and we can share, if we so desire. I really liked "When the Ink Runs Dry" when I wrote it, and every week since, I've debated about sharing, but I never did... Turns out if was WORTH sharing! This is a pretty big moment for me! I'm very excited!

And, just for the record, here it is:

WHEN THE INK RUNS DRY

 What will happen when my pen runs out

When the ink runs dry

And my heart can’t shout

What will I do when the words don’t rhyme

When I lose the meter

And I can’t keep time

What will there be when there’s only discord

When the notes don’t line up

And there’s music no more

My world will crumble when that day comes

Because I live for my poetry

And I live for my songs

My world will be ashes, not even a spark

For I won’t have a soul

And I won’t have a heart

My world will be flat, dark, and grey

When I have nothing to sing

And nothing to say

But I will keep writing as long as I can

As long as a pen

Still lives in my hand

And I will keep singing through endless days

My soul taking wing

Making everything okay

And I will stand, dreading what will come

When the ink runs dry

And I am undone

 So, that's all for today... But yeah. I'm really happy about this! :]

April's Over?

So, I haven't posted in a while--- lots of stuff going on, and I'm not a full time blogger, you know. So here's a poem I wrote last week. 

Do You, Do You Feel

Do you, do you feel

It drumming, drumming, drum

Ming- flashes of red spike

Through the night with the drum

Drumming drumming

And a racing heartbeat sounding

Doom, doom,

Doom.

Do you, do you see

Them dancing, dancing, dance

Ing- draped in red flashing

Through the night with the dance

Dancing dancing

And a racing heartbeat sounding

Doom, doom,

Doom.

Do you, do you feel

It driving on, driving on, drive

Ing on- filling with red

The whole world drive

Driving on driving on

And a racing heartbeat sounding

Doom, doom,

Doom.

Do you, do you hear

It call, danger, danger, dange

Er- like a siren, red music

Spinning in the night dange

Danger danger

And a racing heartbeat sounding

Doom, doom,

Doom.

Do you, do you feel

The drumming, drumming, drum

Ming- violent the red

Filling the night and the drum

Drumming drumming

And the racing heartbeat sounding

Doom, doom,

Doom. 

I really, REALLY like it. So, here's to more posts next month!

For Real, Everybody?

So, my school's prom was this Saturday. There's kind of a tradition that girls wear their dresses and guys wear their boutonnieres and whatnot to church the next day.

However, last year, around prom time, my mom directed my attention to this article.

It appeared in the October 2011 New Era, in the To The Point section. It's the last question, and what it says is this:

"Some youth wear their formal outfits to church on the Sunday after a school’s formal dance. Is this OK for Sunday dress?"

"For the Strength of Youth says, “Show respect for the Lord and for yourself by dressing appropriately for Church meetings” ([2001], 16). So the answer to this question depends on what “appropriately” means.

Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught a principle that helps us understand what is appropriate dress for sacrament meeting. “There should be nothing about [your] personal appearance or actions that would call special attention to [you] or distract anyone present from full attention to the worship and covenant making that are the purpose of this sacred service” (“Sacrament Meeting and the Sacrament,” Ensign, Nov. 2008, 20).

Prom dresses, formals, and tuxedos belong at a dance, not at church. This special type of dress is worn for certain special occasions and would unduly call attention to itself at church.

A priest blessing the sacrament in a tuxedo would be distracting, as would a young woman attending church in a formal dress.

Also keep in mind that there may be young men or young women at church who did not attend the dance. Seeing others in gowns and tuxes could be hurtful and disrupt their worship experience. Be mindful of how you dress, because it could affect those around you, as well as your own worship."

So, my mom had me read it and then left it up to me what I would do. I decided not to wear my dress. Last year, when people asked me why, I just explained it to them.

This year, I printed out the article and had them read it. My young women's president said, "That's good enough for me!"

And hers was the only positive reaction I got. Last year, and this year both, people go, "Oh, that's so SAD." or they look at me with pity, like I'm just missing out on this great experience of wearing my fancy dress to church.

And it's not that I couldn't, because my dresses are modest. It's that I choose not to, because we've been counseled not to.

And it drives me CRAZY that people view it as me making a sacrifice, or a sad choice. I'm just doing what we've been asked to do. Why do people pity that?

Why can't people say, "Great for you! I didn't know that we've been asked not to wear our formal attire. Way to set a good example!"

I don't understand why people think it's a negative decision.

Honestly, dealing with everyone pitying me for doing the right thing was harder for me than not wearing the dress, or seeing the other girls in their dresses.

And I think we need to change our perceptions, so that doesn't happen. People who ought to have the same standards shouldn't make others feel pitied for holding those standards.

K. Pet peeve rant over.

Jesus, Once of Humble Birth

So, in my stake we have a Spanish branch, and they don't have a pianist. I'm one of a few youth who get to go play for them sometimes, and yesterday was one of those times. I was playing for the sacrament, and the hymn was #120, Tan Humilde al Nacer. I recognised it as Jesus, Once of Humble Birth, and I was thinking about the lyrics I could remember-

"Jesus, once of humble birth, Now in glory comes to earth. Once he suffered grief and pain; now he comes on earth to reign. Now he comes on earth to reign."

"Now his chariot is the cloud."

"Once all things he meekly bore, but he now will bear no more."

"Now their King he shall be known."

And I almost started to cry, playing that hymn, even though I couldn't understand the words in Spanish, because I could feel the spirit so strongly, just thinking of what I did know! And it was absolutely incredible!

So after I finished playing, I sat down with an English hymnal and read through all the words.

Jesus, Once of Humble Birth

Jesus, once of humble birth,

Now in glory comes to earth.

Once he suffered grief and pain;

Now he comes on earth to reign.

Now he comes on earth to reign.

Once a meek and lowly Lamb,

Now the Lord, the great I Am.

Once upon the cross he bowed;

Now his chariot is the cloud.

Now his chariot is the cloud.

Once he groaned in blood and tears;

Now in glory he appears.

Once rejected by his own,

Now their King he shall be known.

Now their King he shall be known.

Once forsaken, left alone,
Now exalted to a throne.
Once all things he meekly bore,
But he now will bear no more.
But he now will bear no more.

Holy cow. I cried then. Those words just hit me with such force, and I felt my heart burn within me, and I KNEW they were true. And it's absolutely incredible to me that Jesus was willing to come and suffer and die for us to atone for our sins! And it is going to be AMAZING when he comes again.

I have a new hymn to add to my favourites.

I Wrote a Thing... :]

THE FIRST PAGE

     When I open up a book and I flip through the pages, I get to know its weight and its feel and I dive in, reading myself into a new world. Often, I find myself falling in love with a character, wishing I could write him out of the book into reality... Rarely, I fall in love with a book itself, and every time I pick it up, it's like greeting a long-lost friend.

     And sometimes, I will fall in love with a book on the very first page. There's only one thing that causes this: writing that is artwork, beautiful and perfect- well, not perfect, because art is not meant to be perfect but meant to make you feel something- writing that wraps around my soul, fills the crevices in my heart, fills me with emotion, takes my breath away.

     I fell in love with you on the first page. Whoever wrote you knew what they were doing when they put that sparkle in your sky blue eyes, when they wrote music into your voice, when they gave a sense of humour to the most intelligent, passionate person I'd ever met. Whoever wrote you made an absolute masterpiece out of what could have been another awkward teenager, but instead turned out to be a piece of solid ground for two years of my life, a safe place when I was shattered, a perfect understanding when I needed it, a hand in mine.

     I fell in love with you on the first page, when I saw how loyal and dependable you were to your friends, how quick to defend the ones you love. When I saw how excited you get about the details in a book or a movie, how you notice all the little things about places and people. When I heard you talking about music, and I knew your heart would understand mine. Yes, with you, I fell in love on the first page.

     And some books, I find myself being drawn into, slowly, inexorably, until- something snaps. It may be that the author breaks the laws of their own universe, or writes an ending that, however critically acclaimed, I find disappointing or upsetting in all the wrong ways, or they ruin a character. Books like that, I never pick up again. I was afraid you would become one of those- but whoever wrote you knew what they were doing. Yes, you had flaws and failings, but doesn't every hero? Whoever wrote you knew that it's ok for a person to be angry or make mistakes, but they knew that you can always become a better person. And so, you drew me in, farther and farther- and you never broke the laws of your own universe.

     I fell in love with you on the first page, and I couldn't help hoping you'd be like one of those books that I keep around forever, that's always there on my shelf, the book that knows my soul because I've screamed and thrown things and cried and laughed and celebrated over its pages, the books that mean more to me than almost anything in the world. And whoever wrote you know what they were doing, because for a while, you were. You cheered for my accomplishments and held me when I cried and you made me laugh, all the time you were there. Yes, you were one of the books I could keep around forever, and I fell in love with you on the first page.

      Books like that, though, are the most exquisite kind of torture, because, despite how wonderful they are, there are moments when they tear me to pieces, or break my heart. And with some, I end up sobbing... But they're so beautiful, all the moments of despair combined with those of elation. You were one of those. I fell in love with you on the first page, but there were moments when I thought you'd never see me the way I saw you, the times I encouraged you with other people because they made you happy, the times when I just held my feelings in, and it all just broke my heart. And there were times my heart broke for you, when you argued with your parents, couldn't help a friend, didn't know what to do. But whoever wrote you knew what they were doing, because with all that, they wrote the golden moments that made it all worth it, all the laughter and carefree easiness, the times you said you didn't know what you'd do without me, the beautiful friendship we had... And it eventually developed into something more, and for a little while it wasn't your story or my story, it was our story. But then... It had to come to an end, and that was when I ended up sobbing, even though I'd fallen in love with you on the first page.

     There are books that I read once, and I love them, but I never find them again. They lurk in the shadows of my memory, bringing sorrow because I've lost them forever. After our story ended, I was afraid you'd become one of those, and it just seemed like a waste of such a friendship, an absolute tragedy, especially since I'd fallen in love on the first page.

     But whoever wrote you knew what they were doing, because that didn't happen. Instead, you became the well-loved book that I rediscover every once in a while, taking it out and turning the pages, reliving the adventures- even the parts that broke my heart- through a haze of happiness, because all ends well. It's not our story anymore, but my story and your story still meet sometimes, and so the memories are cherished. You're the well-loved, old friend of a book who I only read every once in a while, and that is alright. Yes, whoever wrote you knew what they were doing.

      And so, I fell in love with you on the first page.

     But that was a long time ago. :]

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Yep. That's a thing I wrote. It's about Tak and me. And basically, that is the progression of our relationship, from friends to more and back to friends, and how I feel about it. It's all good. Life is chill, and everything in that arena is alright. :]

Home, Sweet Home!

Orlando was a fantastic trip, everybody! Although, I've spent the last two days recuperating just a little bit... XD

Our men's, women's, and concert choirs received Silver awards, which means we scored between 80 and 89- very good.

And by some miracle, show choir received a Gold, a score between 90 and 100! We were thrilled!

And of course, we got to do a lot of cool things and generally just rock on.

A few of my favourite pictures and memories:

 

 Lee Chapel at Stetson University. The acoustics in here are AMAZING, and we got to sing here!

 

 The entryway into the Island of Adventure park at Universal Studios.

The Onceler's house and the Lorax, in Suess Landing!

A shot of Hogwarts, in the Wizarding World of Harry Potter!

 The inside of Honeyduke's, in the Wizarding World of Harry Potter!

The First United Methodist Church, where our competition was. Gorgeous! And the acoustics were stellar!

 

The "beautiful" sand mermaid we made at Cocoa Beach.

One of my friends, with a whole lot of sass.

This sign, in the line for the safari in the Animal Kingdom at Disneyworld. My friends and I laughed... And also ran away. ;)

Mickey, the Sorcerer's Apprentice, in Epcot! One of my favourite scenes from Fantasia.

Also, that song is a bassoon duet, so... :D

The Tower of Terror, one of my favourite rides. AWESOME.

I GOT TO BE IN TATOOINE. :D

Sorry, if this is any bigger, it looks awful... 

A shot of the castle during the light show.

The castle at the finale of the fireworks show.

Alice in Wonderland with the Cheshire cat during the light parade.

Rapunzel's tower in Fantasyland!

 And, finally, the castle during the daytime.

 This trip was AMAZING, and I made some FANTASTIC memories... And had a great time. But I'm happy to be back in Myneton. :]

This Is Going Well...

Today was... A day.

I'm in the big choir at my school, and we're leaving on Wednesday for a competition in Orlando, Florida. 

We'll also be doing an exchange concert at Stetson University, 

eating dinner at Medieval Times, 

going to Universal Studios with a parkhopper pass to include Islands of Adventure 

AND The Wizarding World Of Harry Potter, 

Kennedy Space Center,

Cocoa Beach and Ron Jon's, 

and Disneyworld, with parkhopper passes to include the Animal Kingdom 

and Epcot. It's gonna be pretty cool!

Also, Elsa and Anna will be in Switzerland every two hours... :D

However, as a choir, I don't feel like we're ready for this competition... It's gonna be sort of an adventure.

But this is about today in my choir class. My teacher basically lectured the alto section (my section) about the "power struggle" we're apparently having and over-singing and how no one person can carry the section and it has to be a team effort, and that we better figure ourselves out. She also said that she wouldn't single anyone out in front of the choir, but she WOULD set up a meeting at a later date with the offending student(s) and their parents.

 Pause.

 Maybe this doesn't seem like a big deal, but to me it was 

HUGE.

Music means more to me than almost anything in the world, and I take it very seriously. And my director's comments worry me because I am LOUD. And I know that. And I know that sometimes I have a problem with oversinging... But I work very hard not to, and I don't think I have been... But I can't always tell.

And according to our director, there's also animosity in the also section, and that shows in the way we sing... I guess we all secretly hate each other or something? I dunno... It bums me out, because I honestly like all the girls in my section- they're AWESOME.

But, the thing is, I've already had problems this year... Been called into the director's office once and lectured... I left in tears. It was pretty stupid actually, a misunderstanding with my section leaders that they felt they needed to talk to our director about instead of resolving it with me.

So I'm worried that our director thinks I want to be section leader, and I don't respect my section leaders, and that I oversing. I'm worried I'm one of the problems in my section. And that TERRIFIES me. And I left that class this afternoon almost in tears, because I'm that worried.

And this was all compounded by show choir rehearsal this afternoon. She was getting on a group of us for singing a note wrong, and the whole time she was staring directly at me, because I was wrong two weeks ago. But I've fixed it! And I know I'm singing it right!

So I think I'm on the Bad List this year, and I'm so worried... Because she's kicked people out of choir before... And it would absolutely devestate me if that happened. Eeek.

On the plus side, Florida! ... Ha. :/

Music Is Lovely

I basically just keep listening to four songs on repeat, and they are my life right now.

Say Something, by A Great Big World,

(although I don't particularly care for her in this song, I love the harmonies)

AND I really LOVE the Pentatonix cover.

Laughter, by AcoustiMandoBrony.

Alone, by Hirosashii.

Invisible, by Hunter Hayes.

Two really sad songs, and two that are optimistic and heal my hurting soul a little bit. But I'm still having a rough go of it.

And that is my contribution for today.

My Demons Are Coming Out To Play

So I had a lovely moment today.

I got in an argument with my mom, about something I forgot to do, and basically, I shouted that I felt like she was saying I was a slacker, the worst person ever, I can't do anything right, I'm just so awful.

And then she got more upset at me, shouting that she didn't appreciate me saying that, that it made her feel awful that I felt like my mother would automatically assume those things about me.

So, of course, I felt even worse.

And later, we apologised and hugged, and my mom reiterated her point again, asking me not to jump to conclusions about what she thinks, because she doesn't. And I almost started to cry.

Because I said all those things because that's how I felt. That's pretty much how I feel about myself right now. Everything is stacking up on me and just POURING rain. And it's awful.

This week is not really working out for me.



P.S. Dear non-existent readers, I'm sorry. This blog isn't really meant to be a vent fest... It's just somewhere to get my head in order. And this week, that means a vent fest.

Writer's Festival

So, my county does a Writer's Festival- kids in every grade, K-12, can enter poetry or prose, and then the best three to five entries from each grade get published. And my teacher talked me into entering. TERRIFYING.

But I thought I'd share with you guys [my non-existent reader base] the poems I entered.

SOOOOOoooooo here they are...

I wrote this one last... April sometime, and it's one of my all-time favourite pieces that I've done.

WRITING ME

 My soul beats with music, with meter and rhyme

And I can't just stop it, I'm always in time

And there's something in me that needs to create

To sit down and watch my words fill up a page

Or to lay my heart bare, black and white

With words or with music, either is right

And though I can't control it, I'm not letting go

For I live for the music, I live for the poems

It's my scream when I'm angry, my cry when I'm hurt

My laughter when happy, my fears of the worst

My innermost secrets for all to see

For when I write, what I'm writing is me

All that I feel, the words I can't say

But that I can't keep silent, day after day

And so I write, for it's perfect to free

All that's inside, so that I can just... be

And I wrote this one this November, and looking it over, realised it felt like a companion to Writing Me, like they belong together.

WHEN THE INK RUNS DRY

 What will happen when my pen runs out

When the ink runs dry

And my heart can’t shout

What will I do when the words don’t rhyme

When I lose the meter

And I can’t keep time

What will there be when there’s only discord

When the notes don’t line up

And there’s music no more

My world will crumble when that day comes

Because I live for my poetry

And I live for my songs

My world will be ashes, not even a spark

For I won’t have a soul

And I won’t have a heart

My world will be flat, dark, and grey

When I have nothing to sing

And nothing to say

But I will keep writing as long as I can

As long as a pen

Still lives in my hand

And I will keep singing through endless days

My soul taking wing

Making everything okay

And I will stand, dreading what will come

When the ink runs dry

And I am undone

So I guess we'll see how this all turns out. YIKES! :D

For real, though. This is terrifying for me... My poetry is such a deep, private part of my soul... Sharing it SCARES me to no end. So I'm taking big steps here. :]

P.S. Yep! That's two posts today!