Class of 2015

Here we are. The class of 2015!

Okay, not what you think. This is the graduating class from seminary from the two stakes in my area. We're missing a few people who were out of town tonight, and one who's already on his mission (whoa!), but that's us. Aren't we cute?

So, we graduated seminary. And ten of us, five from each stake, graduated with four years of honors, meaning that each year we:

• read the book,
• memorised all 25 scripture masteries,
• passed a scripture mastery test, and
• had at least 75% attendance

And I graduated with honors, which was cool. But what's even cooler is that in the next three years, the honors award is going to be phased out entirely. With the changes in the seminary program, the drive to #elevate our learning, all of those things are now REQUIRED to pass seminary, along with passing a basic doctrine test. It's AMAZING to see how we are living during the hastening of the Lord's work!

But anyhow... Honestly, I just have to talk about seminary. Seminary is the single greatest thing EVER. We do early morning here in Myneton, and it's the BEST way to start the day! Waking up early to make it by 6:15 isn't easy, but it is definitely worth it. Feeling the Spirit so strongly first thing is AWESOME.

Seminary has been such a blessing to me over the last four years of my life, and I am so sad that it's over. When I went through hard times with my faith, and I doubted and wondered, the answers I needed often came at seminary, in the lesson, or the devotional, or the hymns we sang. And that is incredible. Seminary did so much to strengthen my testimony of this gospel, of Christ and His atonement.

My freshman year we studied the Old Testament, sophomore year we studied the New Testament, last year we studied the Book of Mormon, and this year we did Doctrine and Covenants/Church History. And what a year it was!

I put a lot of effort into seminary this year, and what I got out was incredible. I journalled a whole bunch too, so later, I'll remember it all. And I just want to talk about it.

I know Joseph Smith was a true prophet of God, and that he was chosen to restore Christ's church in modern times.
I know that the priesthood, the power and authority to act for God, has been restored to the earth, and that our priesthood holders can exercise this power for the benefit of everyone.
I know that families can be together forever, and that is why temples and family history work are so important!
I know that trials will make you stronger, and that the Lord knows what He is doing when He asks you to do hard things.
I know that Christ lived and died for each one of us, and that through His atoning sacrifice, we can make it back to live with our Father in Heaven.
I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is Christ's true church upon the earth today, and that it is the only church with 100% of the Gospel.
And I know that God knows me personally.

And I didn't learn all of this for the first time this year in seminary. But seminary strengthened my testimony immensely. And I am so grateful for it.

Jesus, Once of Humble Birth

So, in my stake we have a Spanish branch, and they don't have a pianist. I'm one of a few youth who get to go play for them sometimes, and yesterday was one of those times. I was playing for the sacrament, and the hymn was #120, Tan Humilde al Nacer. I recognised it as Jesus, Once of Humble Birth, and I was thinking about the lyrics I could remember-

"Jesus, once of humble birth, Now in glory comes to earth. Once he suffered grief and pain; now he comes on earth to reign. Now he comes on earth to reign."

"Now his chariot is the cloud."

"Once all things he meekly bore, but he now will bear no more."

"Now their King he shall be known."

And I almost started to cry, playing that hymn, even though I couldn't understand the words in Spanish, because I could feel the spirit so strongly, just thinking of what I did know! And it was absolutely incredible!

So after I finished playing, I sat down with an English hymnal and read through all the words.

Jesus, Once of Humble Birth

Jesus, once of humble birth,

Now in glory comes to earth.

Once he suffered grief and pain;

Now he comes on earth to reign.

Now he comes on earth to reign.

Once a meek and lowly Lamb,

Now the Lord, the great I Am.

Once upon the cross he bowed;

Now his chariot is the cloud.

Now his chariot is the cloud.

Once he groaned in blood and tears;

Now in glory he appears.

Once rejected by his own,

Now their King he shall be known.

Now their King he shall be known.

Once forsaken, left alone,
Now exalted to a throne.
Once all things he meekly bore,
But he now will bear no more.
But he now will bear no more.

Holy cow. I cried then. Those words just hit me with such force, and I felt my heart burn within me, and I KNEW they were true. And it's absolutely incredible to me that Jesus was willing to come and suffer and die for us to atone for our sins! And it is going to be AMAZING when he comes again.

I have a new hymn to add to my favourites.

I STAND ALL AMAZED

I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me,
Confused at the grace that so fully he proffers me.
I tremble to know that for me he was crucified,
That for me, a sinner, he suffered, he bled and died.
Oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me
Enough to die for me!
Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me!

I marvel that he would descend from his throne divine
To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine,
That he should extend his great love unto such as I,

Sufficient to own, to redeem, and to justify. 
Oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me
Enough to die for me!
Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me!

I think of his hands pierced and bleeding to pay the debt.
Such mercy, such love and devotion can I forget?
No, no, I will praise and adore at the mercy seat,
Until at the glorified throne I kneel at his feet. 
Oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me
Enough to die for me!
Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me!

Text and music: Charles H. Gabriel, 1856-1932 

This is one of my absolute, very favourite hymns. Has been since I was about twelve, I think. It's so powerful and moving and absolutely true. This Sunday, I was privileged to attend a morningside by the BYU Young Ambassadors, about how God loves and knows each person individually. IT WAS AMAZING. The Spirit filled up that room like CRAZY! And they opened with an INCREDIBLE arrangement of this song. The morning side was exactly what I needed. :]

People Moving On?

So, I just have to talk about the missionaries. I talked about them in my Christmas post, but I have to say more, because they are very dear to me.

First, we have Elder Miller and Elder Hayes. Elder Miller has been here forever (like, eight months or some crazy thing like that) and Elder Hayes has been here for about four. We've had them over for dinner quite a few times, and they're just awesome people.

And then there's Sister Messervy and Sister Flores. Sister Messervy has been here just longer than Elder Hayes, and Sister Flores has only been here for one transfer. We've had them over a bunch too... Actually, we usually have all the missionaries over at once, because it's just more fun that way! And the sisters are fantastic people too.

Tragically, however, it's time for another transfer, and Elder Hayes and Sister Flores are being relocated. It makes me sad, because I honestly love these missionaries- but at the same time, I know they'll be where the Lord needs them to be, and whoever gets transferred over here... Well, I'll end up loving them too.

But I just want to talk about the missionaries.

Elder Miller is quiet, a little more willing to let his companion talk, but his testimony is so strong and so inspiring. Like, the other day, we had the missionaries over for dinner and family home evening, and we read 1 Nephi 11:8-22, and then he made a comment about wanting to read verse 17. So we worked it out so he could. This section is talking about God, and verse 17 says, "And I said unto him: I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things." Elder Miller is like that- the little moments, like a verse of scripture that he really likes, are what stand out about him. But at that moment, that scripture pierced my soul.

What an incredible thought, that even if we don't know all things, we know that God loves his children. He loves us! We are that important!

And, the more times we've had the Elders over, the more comfortable Elder Miller has gotten around us... We tease and joke and laugh and play games, tell stories and just have a good time. But it's his testimony that just stands out to me so much. He's been here pretty much since I realised I didn't really have a testimony anymore and set out to find if the Church was true for myself. Of course, I've never told him, but as we've had the missionaries around, he's helped me find my faith and my testimony again. He's so fired up about the Gospel, about missionary work, and his testimony is inspiring. In fact, this is slated to be his last transfer, six more weeks and then he's home, but he's made comments that he'd like to extend. Elder Miller is a pretty cool dude.

Elder Hayes is also a pretty cool dude, but in a different way. He's loud and outspoken, with a bit of a brash sense of humour. But he's super into missionary work, and very excited about the Gospel.
Fact: every conversation with Elder Hayes ends up being about Jesus.
It doesn't matter what you're talking about-it could be popsicles- and Elder Hayes will say, "And here's how that relates to Jesus:" and then he'll tell you. Sometimes maybe it's a bit of a stretch, but when we tease him about it, he just says that everything really does relate to Jesus. That's what it's all about. And he's right.

We're here to learn and grow, to make mistakes and become better... And we can do all of that because of Heavenly Father and Jesus, and the Plan of Salvation, and the atonement. It all leads back to Jesus, every time. Elder Haye's testimony has been inspiring to me, in my journey back to finding my faith. So I'm super bummed out that he's getting transferred.

And, of course, there's the sisters. I love them, dearly! Sister Messervy has been such a pillar for me to lean on, as I was finding my way back to the light. The one incident that stands out the most with her was one time when we had the missionaries over for dinner, and then we were having a mock discussion... I was teaching it. And at this point, I was still a little shaky in my testimony, not on solid ground at all. But then Sister Messervy asked if I could go out with them, to visit a few people, because, she said, "You know things!" She was so excited about what I knew about the Gospel... And I realised that I was excited about it too! And I knew it was true! There's so much more I could say about her... She's super sweet, very funny, open and caring... And, again, she's so pumped to be a missionary and to share the Gospel. I just love it!

Last, but not least, Sister Flores. She's only been here for one transfer, since just before Thanksgiving, which is really not long enough, so I'm super bummed out that she's getting transferred too... :( Sister Flores is quiet and peaceful, content to kinda just watch everyone else make the noise and participate in the conversation... But her testimony is so strong, and I can tell that she knows who she is. And even though I'm mostly on solid ground with my faith now, have been pretty much the whole time she's been here, here testimony is still an inspiration to me, and she's such an amazing example to me. I'm going to miss her.

I just, love the missionaries a LOT. I'm so grateful we've gotten to know them and to spend time with them!

Because, you know, I look at the missionaries, and they're young people, not much older than me, and they're so on fire with the Gospel, and their testimonies just light up their lives. And I love that about them, and I love being around them because it rubs off! It's so easy to get excited about the Gospel and about sharing it when you spend a lot of time with the missionaries! And I want to be like that! I want to just radiate light the way that they do! They've been such a huge force in helping me get back on the right track and honestly I don't like to think of where I'd be if they weren't so heavily involved in my family's life since this last summer. Missionaries are the best people!

Speaking of missions... 20 months until I can go on mine. So yeah! :D

Just January 2nd, Everyone...

Today's been a bit weird for me...

Just kicking around. Chillin'. School's still out, you know. So I haven't got much to do.

Except for that I can't help thinking about one year ago today. And wowza, one year has flown by.

One year ago, I had a day pretty much just like this one. Until I got on Facebook that evening to see posts from friends back where I used to live, Podunk Tinytown, saying that the band had lost a great member and asking everyone to wear best dress in his honour the next day.

His name was Rory. He was a friend of mine. And he'd committed suicide. He was sixteen.

I texted my best friend, Tak, frantically telling him that he couldn't die anytime in the near future, told him why I was freaking out... I don't remember what he said. Just that it helped. I cried on my older brother's shoulder for ten minutes, while he rubbed my back and just talked to me... And I cried myself to sleep that night, seriously grateful that I didn't have school in the morning.

And I don't know why Rory did it, but I know he left a little farming community and one girl the next state over reeling.

January was not a good month for me.

I had a hard time dealing with his death, because nobody knew him. I couldn't talk to anybody. And it almost didn't seem real, because I didn't have to deal with his absence every day.

I went to the funeral the next week, missed a day of school for it. My mom and older brother went with me, Mom for support, my brother because he was friends with Rory's brother. On our drive out there (242 miles of desert), it was really foggy... And I commented that it looked like when the graphics on a video game wouldn't load. And my brother made a joke "Reality is having a hard time rendering today." Which was funny, until I realised how perfectly it applied. That drive was also the first time I heard the song 'Two Black Cadillacs' by Carrie Underwood; I still don't listen to it.

So we got to the church... And I walked in to the room where the casket was. And suddenly it was real. That was my friend. Lying in that casket. He was gone. And then, we walked up to his family, and his mom knew my name. I'd moved away almost two years earlier, and I didn't recall ever being formally introduced to her. But she knew my name. That got me.

I walked out of that room and burst into tears on the shoulder of one of my best friends from Podunk, Spo. I sat by her and Rab and a few of our other friends during the service. That was hard. It was honestly the worst reason I ever could have had to go back to visit.

I had a hard time dealing with it, back at home... Talked to Spo a lot, which helped. And my good friends here knew... A bit after, Ael asked me exactly how close I'd been to him.

And I had trouble explaining it to her... But I've moved a lot. And for me, when I move, it feels like everything goes on pause, like I could go right back and pick up where I left off with my friends and nothing would have changed... And Rory wasn't one of my best friends... But I met him in the sixth grade, and we were in the same group- I loved the kid. He was quiet but hilarious, with the biggest imagination, and the biggest heart. The thing is, for me, it felt like I could go back and still be chill with him, and there was also the potential that we could've become better friends. So it was hard for me to lose him. I didn't explain that very well to Ael. So.

 I was an emotional wreck. But, music is a huge deal to me, and a saving grace. Two songs that helped me immensely were 'Every Storm' by Gary Allen, which had just come out, and 'A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief'-- "peace bound up my broken heart".

A few other songs since are 'I Drive Your Truck' by Lee Brice and 'Drink a Beer' by Luke Bryan- although I don't agree with the drinking, it's an amazing song.

The only thing that really got me through the whole trauma, though, was the Gospel. I know there's a chance I'll see him again. I know this world isn't the end of everything. And I know that we don't have all the answers... There's a great article by M. Russell Ballard that ran in the Ensign a few years back and that's been turned into a little book- "Suicide: Some Things We Know , and Some We Do Not." There are so many inspiring thoughts found in there, and so much comfort. Without my testimony of the next life and forgiveness, the atonement, and Christ's love, I don't know if I could have ever dealt with it.

Some days it still gets me.

But I'll be ok.

But yeah. Today was odd.