Rant

I haven't been on this in so long but I'm literally going crazy and I need to spill all this somewhere.

I have been thinking about you all day.

I mean.

I've been into you for a while, so thinking about you with some frequency is not unusual.
x

But I mean literally all day.

I just can't get over yesterday?

Well here's the thing: I was getting good vibes last week and tryna keep that up this week.

But by Thursday, I had convinced myself that I was reading too much into things and that I needed to chill out and that this is a one sided interest. (probably. mostly.)

But then last night.

Last night!

You came to the party, to the dance, and you started to hang out with me and my roomies/friends, and the longer it wore on the  more it seemed like everyone else was periphery and you were just hanging out with me. I wasn't sure what to make of it, but I'm not mad.

And like we were chatting and then you asked me to slow dance! and we did and it was so fun, and then we talked in the middle of the dance floor during that Latin song we didn't know how to dance to and did the Cupid Shuffle before we joined back up with our friends.

We all danced and had a good time--and as much as I am in the habit of looking for you and trying to be where you are,  without being creepy, it seemed like you were doing the same thing. Anytime you lost the group or I was somewhere else, you showed up again, looking for me.

I still don't know what colour your eyes are.

Off-topic, but it's been bothering me.

Then we went to do karaoke and it was so fun to be sitting there with you and you sat on the arm of the chair leaving space for a person and that was me who could sit there and you're so funny. And we watched our friends sing and we sang with our friends and then my lovely dears pulled a bit of a fast one on me and you and I duetted The Start of Something New from High School Musical and I JUST. I will never recover from that moment? And you hugged me and thanked me for singing with you, and I was on cloud nine, I thought. And we sat in the audience and sang Disney songs in three languages because we could and then my cousin and I got up to sing one more karaoke piece, and you'd been out of the room talking to a friend but you came in halfway through and when we were finished you said you were glad you hadn't missed it.

At this point it was getting pretty late and several of my friends had already been there longer than they'd been planning on, so they started peeling off, but I wasn't going anywhere if you weren't, and so we went back up to dance and what a blast it was, just goofing off and having fun with our friends, and having fun with you. It happened again that you got separated from the group and they decided to go somewhere, so I did a bit of a half hang back to make sure we didn't lose you, and I just- the moment of seeing you searching in the crowd and then our eyes meeting and your face shifting- will I ever recover?

So we all went to do the photo booth, and of course my roomies wanted to go together, but I went with you to because I wasn't going to not, and just sitting so close to you and laughing at the whole thing? My HEART. Also, I've got a good picture of your face to send my missionaries now, so that's a biiiiig plus. And a few more friends bailed, but we were still there, and so was one of my other roomies, and of course since I came with her, I was sticking with her.

And we were dancing with some other friends, and then we went to go put our photos in my purse- we'd meant to head right back, so I didn't tell you where we were going, but maybe I should have? In any case, we were on the other side of the room when you came over to ask if my roomie was leaving, and I told you no, we were just putting the photos away. But you came, you thought we were leaving and you made sure to catch us. 

And there is a part of me that can't believe this is happening, can't believe the way everything is looking, because I am not used to things going my way and you are wonderful?

And we went and joined up with another group of friends and just danced and had such a good time. So then the DJ announces that there's only about twenty minutes left and he's going to play the last slow song and me and my roomie kinda jokingly backed off the dance floor, but then you looked at me and held out your hand and of course I went to dance with you and wow I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. Just. Being so close to you- because it was close, you were holding me close- and laughing and talking and I taught you to waltz, I mean badly the song was in four but, just being. And you hugged me when the song ended and thanked me for dancing with you.

I literally can't stop thinking about it, about you.

And it's past midnight now but I need to get this off my chest somehow, so anyway continuing

So they do the last slow dance and then we were swing dancing and having a grand time and we were laughing and then we got absorbed into this line dance but it was so fun, and for the last two songs we joined up with our friends again.

Then the last roomie and I invited you and a couple of our other friends over for ice cream and a movie and you came and you sat by me during the movie and didn't hate that I commented and UGH it was just PERFECTION to be sitting there with you. And then when it ended we just sat there talking for a minute, until you and the other friends had to leave (because we obey curfew because we're good hooligans). But when you went to leave you hugged me. Again.

And I can't. I don't know what to do with this, but in absolutely the best way possible.

And I just keep replaying every scene from last night over and over in my head and thinking about the hugs and the slow dance and you laughing at things I said and singing with you and the slow dance and I'm so so happy about it.

So this afternoon I texted you to say that I'd had a lot of fun and that I enjoy hanging out with you and you responded that you love being around me too.

I haven't been able to stop grinning.

Is this happening???

RandomSauce

Welp... It's been a while. RandomSauce- I'm gonna dump and catch y'all up.
Last Thursday, I went to my old school's graduation, in Podunk.
Then Friday, I graduated in Myneton.
Saturday, Rle and I had our party- it was great fun, and a whole bunch of people came, Tak included.
Sunday, Rip got the Melchizedek priesthood (he leaves for a mission on July 8) and his eagles scout, which was a pretty cool day.
Monday, I started work out at one of the mines (there are SEVERAL. I'm not calling this Myneton for nothing.). I have a summer job there... and it's gonna be LONG hours, but it pays great. So, that's cool.

Then, and here's the real random story, I came home from work Monday, and our front door was open, because it's SO HOT, and through the screen door, I can hear my little brother and my sister talking, quite enthusiastically. I'm confused as to who they're talking to... I walk in, and I see them, with my mom, taking to... A lumberjack? Some random bearded guy, in a red flannel shirt? Double take, and it's Elder Hayes! He got home from his mission in December, and he's living here in Myneton for the summer, working a job that a family he met on the mission set up for him. So anyway, Hayes (which is what we ended up calling him because first name felt odd and Elder wasn't right either...) served in our ward for about five months, and he's totally best friends with our family (him and Elder Miller together), so he thought he'd stop in.
He was probably at our house for like three hours, including dinner. It was great. He's a funny guy, and it was fun to see him.

Although I was having a weird moment about it... Like, I thought he was rather attractive when he served in our ward, but missionaries exist in this bubble of untouchableness for me, so I never considered it. Well, Monday, when he was sitting in our living room, he was definitely attractive. WEIRD WEIRD WEIRD.
Although I did write a pretty poem about it... It's sort of true, and sort of dramatic:

The taste of your name
Is unfamiliar on my lips
But, darling, I think I like it
The smile on your face
That easy, cheerful grin
Is just how I remembered it
The gleam in your eyes
As we talk and tell jokes
I'm entranced by it
And your sure testimony
Of the Gospel we live
 I'm inspired by it
So... The taste of your name on my lips-
Darling, it's wonderful, and
I could get used to it

So Monday... It was weird.
Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, I woke up between 3 and 3:30, caught the bus at 4:15, rode the bus to the mine, arrived at 5:50, began work at 6, got off at 4, got home about 5:45. And I went to sleep at 9 every night. Mine life is rough. But also VERY cool.

Thursday night, UncleRo, Cad, Kad, Rip, and Zap came through and spent the night, and we partied and played games. It was lovely! Although, this conversation happened.

We were telling them about Hayes visiting, and then--
Cad: Well, did he hit on you?
Me: What?? No!
Cad: Well, I'm just sayin, elders who go back to their missions...
And we laughed it off, and told Cad and everybody else about other missionaries who've served here and come back through...
But OHMYGOSH. I felt SO AWKWARD.
Awkward enough that I wrote another poem about it.

Ahaha AWKWARD
'Scuse me while I laugh
"Did he hit on you?"
Well, NO
But I sorta wish he would have?
And super really don't
Because, what even. WEIRD
But then, I don't know
I like him- and his beard
I think I'm just overromantic
And sort of desperate
I just want to find someone
To make a real connection
But it can wait
I don't need that now
Although that doesn't change
How
You caught me off guard, made me laugh
And PANIC
Ahaha AWKWARD
And I hope no one saw that

So that basically sums up my life in that area. Hayes really IS attractive, but it's ODD... I don't like it. It somehow just feels odd, but there's totally a part of me that's like, "Yeah, go for it! Summer fling before he goes back to college, before you go on a mission... DO IT." And the other part of me's like, "NO. BAD STUPID IDEA."  But nothing will happen anyway, so it's whatever.

Friday, I vegged out all day, and then we had a Youth Conference (my last one!) kick-off dinner/game time.

Today, we went to an amusement park.

Yay Youth Conference!

I'll try to post more next week... This week was weird.

Realised

We do paper routes in my family-it's, well, an adventure. How we've got it worked out is that my momma does three and me, my sister, and my brother, do four others. It works pretty well.

And me and my siblings, how we work it is that I drive, and my brother and my sister run the papers up to the houses. Except for that my sister got her driver's license this weekend, and so my mom told her she could work it out with me to trade off driving.

So she asked if she could drive today, two of our routes. And I didn't think it was a big deal, because I used to have to run routes, before I got my license; so no problem. I don't mind running.

Except for that I learned something about myself this morning. Once I've been given control of a situation, I don't like having that taken away from me. I was on edge the whole time she was driving- even though I KNOW she's good driver. But I kept making comments about how she was doing things, and it drove me CRAZY not to be driving. I had a hard time dealing with that.

I think I need to learn to relax a little, yeah?

And that's all for today. :)