PROcrastination

I am NOT doing my homework right now, as I ought.

BUT I GOT MY COMPUTER BACK.

Literally took it into the tech store, 15 minute fix.

And I've been working without it for two weeks because REASONS??

I'm the worst sometimes.

One and Done

Right, so this was a week.

What I learned this week is that all of the time management skills that I learned on my mission have been decimated this summer. I did not do well this week.

FOR EXAMPLE. I have bassoon instruction and I'm supposed to practice 6 hours a week. And I practiced one this week. Mostly on account of I just didn't do life well.
Also, I have an American Heritage class, and I have about 20 pages of reading I need to do before 11 am tomorrow.
And another 7 chapters for a religion class at 9 am.
I'm crushing it, basically.

In other news, I got to hang out with Tes, my trainer, which was INCREDIBLE. We pretty much just talked for three hours straight- I've only seen her once since July of last year, and that was very brief, so getting to see her again and just do life was incredible. It was so good to reconnect and talk about things and just... yeah. Some friendships are forever, and hers is one of those for me. She's incredible.

Also, I went to the temple, which was a lovely experience. I just really know that it is God's house and that He loves us. There's a lot I'm still learning, but o! how I know this gospel is true!

---------

Finishing Monday morning, because sleep is a thing that had to happen.

I also got hired to be an early-morning janitor in my favourite place here on campus, so we'll see how that pans out.

I'm hoping to write two posts a week up in here, but we shall see...

It's been a blast, but stressful so far. I'm rooming with my cousin, Est, and we've made it a goal to do something with our cousin, Zap, who's also a freshman here on campus, at least once a week. This week, we hung out at Aunt Jo and Uncle Ro's house with him and cousins Kad & Cad and Pyp, their PRECIOUS year and half old daughter. Party. We watched Hercules, an episode of Face-off, and an episode of Project Runway. Go team!

Also this week, I got to babysit Pyp because Kad had to have a surgery at a stupid early time in the morning, and I had the right times free. It means so much to me that I can help out in times like these, that I'm close enough to my family to help, to be there. I love them. Pyp also broke her arm this week, so it was quite the week for their family.

Umm... yeah. I think that's all I got. I have class in two hours and reading to do and I'll see y'all around.

Here I Go!

Well. I have a lot of feelings today, so a short post is in order.

After finally getting the last piece of medical clearance that I needed, I've submitted my mission paperwork online! On to the interviews. I AM SO HAPPY.

Also, I found this video today:

Which is AWESOME. And doubly cool because he served in the same mission as my older brother, and my bro had told me to look him up.

So I just have a lot of mission feelings. And I'm STOKED.

Recognition

Every year, my school does Departmental Awards. What that means is, every teacher/department gets to choose one student (or a few, like one for each year of a language, or multiple from choir) who has excelled, and they get a neat little trophy and a nice little reception all together. I got one freshman year for German I Student of the Year (woot-woo!), but nothing since... And I wasn't expecting one this year, but I was really hoping for a band award. Our director always did four or five (two for jazz band, two for regular band, maybe one for marching...). HOWEVER, he retired last year, which was dramatic, and if I'd been blogging, y'all would've heard about it. So, with our new director this year, I wasn't sure if she was going to do any of these awards.

The reception for that was last Wednesday. I didn't get any awards, which is hey, whate'er, but our band director gave out five or six awards. Rle got one, along with several other really deserving members. And I'm thrilled about that. But I'm also kind of hurt. See, Rle and I were the drum majors this fall together, and we both worked SO hard, to do our best, and to not let the band down. It was a rough time... There were a lot of bumps and bruises this year, just problems with having a new director, and the band pushing limits, and whatnot. And I've spent this whole year backing our director in everything, shooting down negative comments, and saying as much good as I can. So it kinda hurt that Rle got recognised as an outstanding band student and I didn't, like my contributions didn't matter as much as hers or something. I was upset enough that I wrote a poem about it... It's written like I'm speaking to our director.

I'm just gonna take a diva moment

And be a total brat

I know I shouldn't be complaining

But right now, it's where I'm at

It's just, music means so much to me

And I've worked so hard this year

I couldn't help thinking you might

Have wanted me to be here

And I know it shouldn't matter

But there's a part of me that just HURTS

That I didn't get a 'Band Student of the Year'

Even with all my work

Maybe we didn't always agree

On what strategies to use

But I did my best, and every day

I pushed and pulled for you

I fought so many battles

That you didn't see

And I was always defending

Everything that you could be!

So, it just kinda kills me

That you didn't think I mattered

And it shouldn't even phase me

But know that I am shattered.

Yeah. I'm dramatic. But it's kinda how I felt.

So then, this weekend, I found out that I'd been selected as a recipient of an award called the Triple E, which is selected by senior class nomination and teacher deliberation, and is supposed to be based on leadership, academics, and extracurricular participation. I was really excited about it, honestly. I had no idea who else had gotten it, and then tonight was the reception/awards presentation for it. From our class of 350, only 31 people received the award... And I was one of them. It really means a lot to me to receive that.

Now here's the funny part. I have this teacher, Mr. G. I've had him this year for AP U.S. Government and AP Psychology, which were in back to back class periods. He tends to give the students a bad time, tease us a little, and we dish it right back. And I will admit that I haven't always been a stellar student in his classes... I missed school because of cross country in the fall (I got to run, hooray!), and band and choir throughout the whole year, and then from January until March I was dead on my feet because I got to be in Les Miserables (IT WAS AMAZING)... I didn't turn in any notes in either class for all of second semester. And I definitely slept in his class several times. We had a running joke about my sleep deprivation, and about how I've really gone downhill this year, and my work is just suffering. Yep. But I really like Mr. G, and I think he's a great teacher.

So, last week, after all the senior nominations were in, and the teachers had met to discuss who should get the awards... The day after the teacher meeting, Mr. G was talking to me, Rag, and Lah about it, giving us a hard time. He teased Rag about her involvement in Student Council and dance, teased Lah about his grades or something, and then turns to me and says, "I tried to defend you, I really did, but you've just gone so far downhill this year..."
And I said, "Oh, I know, it's awful..."
He said, "But I did my best."
I just laughed, "Okay, Mr. G," and went back to working on my project.
So I thought I didn't get the Triple E.

And then I did!

So, after the presentation, I went to talk to Mr. G.
He puts his hand out for a handshake: "Congratulations!"
Me: "Mr. G! You made me think I didn't get one!"
Mr. G, laughing: "I know. I did that on purpose."
Me, also laughing: "Mr G! That is so mean! You are the worst!"
Mr. G: "The worst? Really?"
Me: "Well, not the worst, but mean..."
Mr. G: "And who do you think nominated you?"
Me: "What?"
Mr. G: "You deserve it."
So then I made him take a picture with me, and then after the picture...
Me: "Thank you so much!"
Mr. G: "Congratulations. You deserve it."

Okay. I seriously almost cried. It really means a lot to me that
1- at least some members of my class think I'm a decent person
2- I have a teacher who would pull that hard for me

I don't know what I did in Mr. G's class, but I am so grateful that he felt like I was worthy of the Triple E. Maybe it doesn't seem like a huge deal, but to be recognised for leadership and academics and extracurriculars... Wow. It honestly means the world to me right now.

Class of 2015

Here we are. The class of 2015!

Okay, not what you think. This is the graduating class from seminary from the two stakes in my area. We're missing a few people who were out of town tonight, and one who's already on his mission (whoa!), but that's us. Aren't we cute?

So, we graduated seminary. And ten of us, five from each stake, graduated with four years of honors, meaning that each year we:

• read the book,
• memorised all 25 scripture masteries,
• passed a scripture mastery test, and
• had at least 75% attendance

And I graduated with honors, which was cool. But what's even cooler is that in the next three years, the honors award is going to be phased out entirely. With the changes in the seminary program, the drive to #elevate our learning, all of those things are now REQUIRED to pass seminary, along with passing a basic doctrine test. It's AMAZING to see how we are living during the hastening of the Lord's work!

But anyhow... Honestly, I just have to talk about seminary. Seminary is the single greatest thing EVER. We do early morning here in Myneton, and it's the BEST way to start the day! Waking up early to make it by 6:15 isn't easy, but it is definitely worth it. Feeling the Spirit so strongly first thing is AWESOME.

Seminary has been such a blessing to me over the last four years of my life, and I am so sad that it's over. When I went through hard times with my faith, and I doubted and wondered, the answers I needed often came at seminary, in the lesson, or the devotional, or the hymns we sang. And that is incredible. Seminary did so much to strengthen my testimony of this gospel, of Christ and His atonement.

My freshman year we studied the Old Testament, sophomore year we studied the New Testament, last year we studied the Book of Mormon, and this year we did Doctrine and Covenants/Church History. And what a year it was!

I put a lot of effort into seminary this year, and what I got out was incredible. I journalled a whole bunch too, so later, I'll remember it all. And I just want to talk about it.

I know Joseph Smith was a true prophet of God, and that he was chosen to restore Christ's church in modern times.
I know that the priesthood, the power and authority to act for God, has been restored to the earth, and that our priesthood holders can exercise this power for the benefit of everyone.
I know that families can be together forever, and that is why temples and family history work are so important!
I know that trials will make you stronger, and that the Lord knows what He is doing when He asks you to do hard things.
I know that Christ lived and died for each one of us, and that through His atoning sacrifice, we can make it back to live with our Father in Heaven.
I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is Christ's true church upon the earth today, and that it is the only church with 100% of the Gospel.
And I know that God knows me personally.

And I didn't learn all of this for the first time this year in seminary. But seminary strengthened my testimony immensely. And I am so grateful for it.

Before It's Over

So, our choir program does a concert every year called Senior Solo where all the seniors get to perform- solos, duets, group numbers, whatever... It's always a ton of fun, and there are touching moments and silly ones and all sorts of things in between.

Well, today was our Senior Solo concert, and I sang this:

This musical is INCREDIBLE (although language warning-- it's BAD.) But anyhow. I adore this song, and I realised it would be perfect for the senior-growing-up-and-moving-on type idea. Also, I identify with it, way too much-- I wrote about it in this post. Basically, I just feel like I'm always last choice, fading into the background, and that my friends, the people I adore, don't really care if I'm around. It's awful. So when I thought of "Before It's Over" for a senior solo song idea, I knew I HAD to do it. Even if no one else knew exactly how personal it was for me, I knew it had to happen.

So I worked on it, and tonight I sang it, with a friend of mine, Lah, playing piano for me. I felt like it was alright, but not awesome- but then I received so many sincere compliments, telling me that I was wonderful (off-topic segue to another Dogfight song!), and I was sort of blown away. Two girls told me that it just got them, right from the first line- and that they almost cried. And they asked if I wrote it.

Wow.

That statement. I wish I could write music this powerful and moving! But that they thought I could, that I performed it that convincingly...

Wow.

Anyhow. I told them I didn't, and that it's from a musical, but they still seemed so impressed. And then I was telling my family about this conversation, and my mom said that it almost did seem like something I had written, at first.

And I wish I could write like that.

But the other thing is, that's an incredible compliment for me, because it makes me feel like I performed the song the right way. And even though people don't know that I really do identify with the character of Rose in this aspect, and that I really was singing about myself... They felt it.

And I'm so pleased.
And also somewhat astounded.

Music is a powerful, beautiful, wonderful thing, and I am so grateful that I was able to share it, and have it mean something to my audience. :]

Writers Festival, 2015

So, I entered a few poems in the Writer's Festival again this year.

The first one was inspired by... Well, a lot of things. Les Miserables, the Lunar Chronicles by Marissa Meyer, and Revolution by Jennifer Donnelly. And also just a sort of restless feeling, a need for more, to DO something.

Starting A Revolution

I will not be silenced

When I have so much to say

I will not just stand back

My soul cannot be tamed

Do not expect tranquility

From my raging heart

You cannot demand serenity

When I have wars to start

And there’s a revolution

Just waiting to begin

A fire burning in the people

Crackling beneath their skin

And I intend to call them up

The people all will rise

For we are stronger than you know

We won’t be blinded by your lies

But I know we need a leader

So for the people, I stand

I’m not a flawless champion

But I’ll give soul, heart, and hands

There’ll be no more tranquility

From my raging heart

And there is no serenity

For I have a war to start

We will not live under you thumb

For freedom we will fight

You never saw this coming, but

We know our cause is right!

And we will stand for everything

That we know is true

So we will be victorious

When the war is through

And the story will be told again

About our battles and our scars

How we would not be defeated

And we took back what was ours

So come against us

If you dare

You think you’re stronger

But we don’t fear

And we will not be silenced

When we have so much to say

And we will never stand down

Our souls will not be tamed

The second one was inspired by an essay that a girl in my English class wrote. We were assigned to write about home, and she wrote about speaking and performing on stage- something I understand, although I'm singing and acting. And in her essay, she said, "There's a delirium that comes from being on display." That phrase just resonated with me- I think it's absolutely lovely. So I stole it and wrote a poem about living on stage.

Life On Stage

There’s a delirium

That comes

From being on display

A release of inhibition

You feel

When you give your soul away

And it’s a madness

You live

When your heart is found on stage

Oh yes, a delirium

That comes

From being on display

Almost impossible

The high

You can’t get another way

An exquisite torture

You live

Under the lights each day

To taste the delirium

That comes

From being on display

And, cool news, I found out yesterday that Starting a Revolution got selected as one of the honorable mentions, and I got published in our little book again. Yay! :]

So, It's Been A While...

Life got crazy. Honestly, for a while, I forgot about this. Then yesterday, Rle texted me.

Rle: Do you still have that blog you started a while ago?
Me: Ahaha yeah but I don't think I've posted since last summer... Or more. Why?
Rle: I was just thinking about it.
Me: Random. I should start posting in that again.

I asked her about it when I saw her, and she told me she had just thought of it- because I told her about it when I started it, but I wouldn't let her read it. Because she was in it and everything was current, and I didn't want to let her... But!

I'm going to start posting again. Doing this really helped me clear my head and get some stuff in order.

Plus also, it counts as journalling.

So, here I be again.

Writer's Festival II

So, a while back, I wrote about my county's Writers' Festival. Basically, it's for students kindergarten through twelfth grade, and the three to five best entries from each grade get published in a collection. The authors of the three best entries from each grade get to go to an awards ceremony, where it will be revealed who placed first, second, and third. I thought, "Why not?" and entered a few poems that I LOVE that I've written. It was terrifying for me, though.

I wasn't necessarily expecting anything to come of it, because poetry is judged against prose, there aren't separate categories, and there are a lot of kids in my grade in my county.

BUT.

Today, I got a letter informing me that my poem, "When the Ink Runs Dry" has been selected as a winner in the festival and inviting me and my parents to the awards ceremony!

I'm THRILLED! And surprised! And just, WOW! This is AWESOME for me! I mean, I like my poetry, and sometimes people tell me it's good, but I was not expecting this! It's kind of validating for me, this realisation that other people, people who don't KNOW me, like my poetry! SO COOL. And this is the first piece I'll ever have published!

And the other thing is, I wrote that poem in November, as a free-write for my English class. We write every Friday, and we can share, if we so desire. I really liked "When the Ink Runs Dry" when I wrote it, and every week since, I've debated about sharing, but I never did... Turns out if was WORTH sharing! This is a pretty big moment for me! I'm very excited!

And, just for the record, here it is:

WHEN THE INK RUNS DRY

 What will happen when my pen runs out

When the ink runs dry

And my heart can’t shout

What will I do when the words don’t rhyme

When I lose the meter

And I can’t keep time

What will there be when there’s only discord

When the notes don’t line up

And there’s music no more

My world will crumble when that day comes

Because I live for my poetry

And I live for my songs

My world will be ashes, not even a spark

For I won’t have a soul

And I won’t have a heart

My world will be flat, dark, and grey

When I have nothing to sing

And nothing to say

But I will keep writing as long as I can

As long as a pen

Still lives in my hand

And I will keep singing through endless days

My soul taking wing

Making everything okay

And I will stand, dreading what will come

When the ink runs dry

And I am undone

 So, that's all for today... But yeah. I'm really happy about this! :]