Recognition

Every year, my school does Departmental Awards. What that means is, every teacher/department gets to choose one student (or a few, like one for each year of a language, or multiple from choir) who has excelled, and they get a neat little trophy and a nice little reception all together. I got one freshman year for German I Student of the Year (woot-woo!), but nothing since... And I wasn't expecting one this year, but I was really hoping for a band award. Our director always did four or five (two for jazz band, two for regular band, maybe one for marching...). HOWEVER, he retired last year, which was dramatic, and if I'd been blogging, y'all would've heard about it. So, with our new director this year, I wasn't sure if she was going to do any of these awards.

The reception for that was last Wednesday. I didn't get any awards, which is hey, whate'er, but our band director gave out five or six awards. Rle got one, along with several other really deserving members. And I'm thrilled about that. But I'm also kind of hurt. See, Rle and I were the drum majors this fall together, and we both worked SO hard, to do our best, and to not let the band down. It was a rough time... There were a lot of bumps and bruises this year, just problems with having a new director, and the band pushing limits, and whatnot. And I've spent this whole year backing our director in everything, shooting down negative comments, and saying as much good as I can. So it kinda hurt that Rle got recognised as an outstanding band student and I didn't, like my contributions didn't matter as much as hers or something. I was upset enough that I wrote a poem about it... It's written like I'm speaking to our director.

I'm just gonna take a diva moment

And be a total brat

I know I shouldn't be complaining

But right now, it's where I'm at

It's just, music means so much to me

And I've worked so hard this year

I couldn't help thinking you might

Have wanted me to be here

And I know it shouldn't matter

But there's a part of me that just HURTS

That I didn't get a 'Band Student of the Year'

Even with all my work

Maybe we didn't always agree

On what strategies to use

But I did my best, and every day

I pushed and pulled for you

I fought so many battles

That you didn't see

And I was always defending

Everything that you could be!

So, it just kinda kills me

That you didn't think I mattered

And it shouldn't even phase me

But know that I am shattered.

Yeah. I'm dramatic. But it's kinda how I felt.

So then, this weekend, I found out that I'd been selected as a recipient of an award called the Triple E, which is selected by senior class nomination and teacher deliberation, and is supposed to be based on leadership, academics, and extracurricular participation. I was really excited about it, honestly. I had no idea who else had gotten it, and then tonight was the reception/awards presentation for it. From our class of 350, only 31 people received the award... And I was one of them. It really means a lot to me to receive that.

Now here's the funny part. I have this teacher, Mr. G. I've had him this year for AP U.S. Government and AP Psychology, which were in back to back class periods. He tends to give the students a bad time, tease us a little, and we dish it right back. And I will admit that I haven't always been a stellar student in his classes... I missed school because of cross country in the fall (I got to run, hooray!), and band and choir throughout the whole year, and then from January until March I was dead on my feet because I got to be in Les Miserables (IT WAS AMAZING)... I didn't turn in any notes in either class for all of second semester. And I definitely slept in his class several times. We had a running joke about my sleep deprivation, and about how I've really gone downhill this year, and my work is just suffering. Yep. But I really like Mr. G, and I think he's a great teacher.

So, last week, after all the senior nominations were in, and the teachers had met to discuss who should get the awards... The day after the teacher meeting, Mr. G was talking to me, Rag, and Lah about it, giving us a hard time. He teased Rag about her involvement in Student Council and dance, teased Lah about his grades or something, and then turns to me and says, "I tried to defend you, I really did, but you've just gone so far downhill this year..."
And I said, "Oh, I know, it's awful..."
He said, "But I did my best."
I just laughed, "Okay, Mr. G," and went back to working on my project.
So I thought I didn't get the Triple E.

And then I did!

So, after the presentation, I went to talk to Mr. G.
He puts his hand out for a handshake: "Congratulations!"
Me: "Mr. G! You made me think I didn't get one!"
Mr. G, laughing: "I know. I did that on purpose."
Me, also laughing: "Mr G! That is so mean! You are the worst!"
Mr. G: "The worst? Really?"
Me: "Well, not the worst, but mean..."
Mr. G: "And who do you think nominated you?"
Me: "What?"
Mr. G: "You deserve it."
So then I made him take a picture with me, and then after the picture...
Me: "Thank you so much!"
Mr. G: "Congratulations. You deserve it."

Okay. I seriously almost cried. It really means a lot to me that
1- at least some members of my class think I'm a decent person
2- I have a teacher who would pull that hard for me

I don't know what I did in Mr. G's class, but I am so grateful that he felt like I was worthy of the Triple E. Maybe it doesn't seem like a huge deal, but to be recognised for leadership and academics and extracurriculars... Wow. It honestly means the world to me right now.

Writer's Festival II

So, a while back, I wrote about my county's Writers' Festival. Basically, it's for students kindergarten through twelfth grade, and the three to five best entries from each grade get published in a collection. The authors of the three best entries from each grade get to go to an awards ceremony, where it will be revealed who placed first, second, and third. I thought, "Why not?" and entered a few poems that I LOVE that I've written. It was terrifying for me, though.

I wasn't necessarily expecting anything to come of it, because poetry is judged against prose, there aren't separate categories, and there are a lot of kids in my grade in my county.

BUT.

Today, I got a letter informing me that my poem, "When the Ink Runs Dry" has been selected as a winner in the festival and inviting me and my parents to the awards ceremony!

I'm THRILLED! And surprised! And just, WOW! This is AWESOME for me! I mean, I like my poetry, and sometimes people tell me it's good, but I was not expecting this! It's kind of validating for me, this realisation that other people, people who don't KNOW me, like my poetry! SO COOL. And this is the first piece I'll ever have published!

And the other thing is, I wrote that poem in November, as a free-write for my English class. We write every Friday, and we can share, if we so desire. I really liked "When the Ink Runs Dry" when I wrote it, and every week since, I've debated about sharing, but I never did... Turns out if was WORTH sharing! This is a pretty big moment for me! I'm very excited!

And, just for the record, here it is:

WHEN THE INK RUNS DRY

 What will happen when my pen runs out

When the ink runs dry

And my heart can’t shout

What will I do when the words don’t rhyme

When I lose the meter

And I can’t keep time

What will there be when there’s only discord

When the notes don’t line up

And there’s music no more

My world will crumble when that day comes

Because I live for my poetry

And I live for my songs

My world will be ashes, not even a spark

For I won’t have a soul

And I won’t have a heart

My world will be flat, dark, and grey

When I have nothing to sing

And nothing to say

But I will keep writing as long as I can

As long as a pen

Still lives in my hand

And I will keep singing through endless days

My soul taking wing

Making everything okay

And I will stand, dreading what will come

When the ink runs dry

And I am undone

 So, that's all for today... But yeah. I'm really happy about this! :]