Recognition

Every year, my school does Departmental Awards. What that means is, every teacher/department gets to choose one student (or a few, like one for each year of a language, or multiple from choir) who has excelled, and they get a neat little trophy and a nice little reception all together. I got one freshman year for German I Student of the Year (woot-woo!), but nothing since... And I wasn't expecting one this year, but I was really hoping for a band award. Our director always did four or five (two for jazz band, two for regular band, maybe one for marching...). HOWEVER, he retired last year, which was dramatic, and if I'd been blogging, y'all would've heard about it. So, with our new director this year, I wasn't sure if she was going to do any of these awards.

The reception for that was last Wednesday. I didn't get any awards, which is hey, whate'er, but our band director gave out five or six awards. Rle got one, along with several other really deserving members. And I'm thrilled about that. But I'm also kind of hurt. See, Rle and I were the drum majors this fall together, and we both worked SO hard, to do our best, and to not let the band down. It was a rough time... There were a lot of bumps and bruises this year, just problems with having a new director, and the band pushing limits, and whatnot. And I've spent this whole year backing our director in everything, shooting down negative comments, and saying as much good as I can. So it kinda hurt that Rle got recognised as an outstanding band student and I didn't, like my contributions didn't matter as much as hers or something. I was upset enough that I wrote a poem about it... It's written like I'm speaking to our director.

I'm just gonna take a diva moment

And be a total brat

I know I shouldn't be complaining

But right now, it's where I'm at

It's just, music means so much to me

And I've worked so hard this year

I couldn't help thinking you might

Have wanted me to be here

And I know it shouldn't matter

But there's a part of me that just HURTS

That I didn't get a 'Band Student of the Year'

Even with all my work

Maybe we didn't always agree

On what strategies to use

But I did my best, and every day

I pushed and pulled for you

I fought so many battles

That you didn't see

And I was always defending

Everything that you could be!

So, it just kinda kills me

That you didn't think I mattered

And it shouldn't even phase me

But know that I am shattered.

Yeah. I'm dramatic. But it's kinda how I felt.

So then, this weekend, I found out that I'd been selected as a recipient of an award called the Triple E, which is selected by senior class nomination and teacher deliberation, and is supposed to be based on leadership, academics, and extracurricular participation. I was really excited about it, honestly. I had no idea who else had gotten it, and then tonight was the reception/awards presentation for it. From our class of 350, only 31 people received the award... And I was one of them. It really means a lot to me to receive that.

Now here's the funny part. I have this teacher, Mr. G. I've had him this year for AP U.S. Government and AP Psychology, which were in back to back class periods. He tends to give the students a bad time, tease us a little, and we dish it right back. And I will admit that I haven't always been a stellar student in his classes... I missed school because of cross country in the fall (I got to run, hooray!), and band and choir throughout the whole year, and then from January until March I was dead on my feet because I got to be in Les Miserables (IT WAS AMAZING)... I didn't turn in any notes in either class for all of second semester. And I definitely slept in his class several times. We had a running joke about my sleep deprivation, and about how I've really gone downhill this year, and my work is just suffering. Yep. But I really like Mr. G, and I think he's a great teacher.

So, last week, after all the senior nominations were in, and the teachers had met to discuss who should get the awards... The day after the teacher meeting, Mr. G was talking to me, Rag, and Lah about it, giving us a hard time. He teased Rag about her involvement in Student Council and dance, teased Lah about his grades or something, and then turns to me and says, "I tried to defend you, I really did, but you've just gone so far downhill this year..."
And I said, "Oh, I know, it's awful..."
He said, "But I did my best."
I just laughed, "Okay, Mr. G," and went back to working on my project.
So I thought I didn't get the Triple E.

And then I did!

So, after the presentation, I went to talk to Mr. G.
He puts his hand out for a handshake: "Congratulations!"
Me: "Mr. G! You made me think I didn't get one!"
Mr. G, laughing: "I know. I did that on purpose."
Me, also laughing: "Mr G! That is so mean! You are the worst!"
Mr. G: "The worst? Really?"
Me: "Well, not the worst, but mean..."
Mr. G: "And who do you think nominated you?"
Me: "What?"
Mr. G: "You deserve it."
So then I made him take a picture with me, and then after the picture...
Me: "Thank you so much!"
Mr. G: "Congratulations. You deserve it."

Okay. I seriously almost cried. It really means a lot to me that
1- at least some members of my class think I'm a decent person
2- I have a teacher who would pull that hard for me

I don't know what I did in Mr. G's class, but I am so grateful that he felt like I was worthy of the Triple E. Maybe it doesn't seem like a huge deal, but to be recognised for leadership and academics and extracurriculars... Wow. It honestly means the world to me right now.

Jesus, Once of Humble Birth

So, in my stake we have a Spanish branch, and they don't have a pianist. I'm one of a few youth who get to go play for them sometimes, and yesterday was one of those times. I was playing for the sacrament, and the hymn was #120, Tan Humilde al Nacer. I recognised it as Jesus, Once of Humble Birth, and I was thinking about the lyrics I could remember-

"Jesus, once of humble birth, Now in glory comes to earth. Once he suffered grief and pain; now he comes on earth to reign. Now he comes on earth to reign."

"Now his chariot is the cloud."

"Once all things he meekly bore, but he now will bear no more."

"Now their King he shall be known."

And I almost started to cry, playing that hymn, even though I couldn't understand the words in Spanish, because I could feel the spirit so strongly, just thinking of what I did know! And it was absolutely incredible!

So after I finished playing, I sat down with an English hymnal and read through all the words.

Jesus, Once of Humble Birth

Jesus, once of humble birth,

Now in glory comes to earth.

Once he suffered grief and pain;

Now he comes on earth to reign.

Now he comes on earth to reign.

Once a meek and lowly Lamb,

Now the Lord, the great I Am.

Once upon the cross he bowed;

Now his chariot is the cloud.

Now his chariot is the cloud.

Once he groaned in blood and tears;

Now in glory he appears.

Once rejected by his own,

Now their King he shall be known.

Now their King he shall be known.

Once forsaken, left alone,
Now exalted to a throne.
Once all things he meekly bore,
But he now will bear no more.
But he now will bear no more.

Holy cow. I cried then. Those words just hit me with such force, and I felt my heart burn within me, and I KNEW they were true. And it's absolutely incredible to me that Jesus was willing to come and suffer and die for us to atone for our sins! And it is going to be AMAZING when he comes again.

I have a new hymn to add to my favourites.

I STAND ALL AMAZED

I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me,
Confused at the grace that so fully he proffers me.
I tremble to know that for me he was crucified,
That for me, a sinner, he suffered, he bled and died.
Oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me
Enough to die for me!
Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me!

I marvel that he would descend from his throne divine
To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine,
That he should extend his great love unto such as I,

Sufficient to own, to redeem, and to justify. 
Oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me
Enough to die for me!
Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me!

I think of his hands pierced and bleeding to pay the debt.
Such mercy, such love and devotion can I forget?
No, no, I will praise and adore at the mercy seat,
Until at the glorified throne I kneel at his feet. 
Oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me
Enough to die for me!
Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me!

Text and music: Charles H. Gabriel, 1856-1932 

This is one of my absolute, very favourite hymns. Has been since I was about twelve, I think. It's so powerful and moving and absolutely true. This Sunday, I was privileged to attend a morningside by the BYU Young Ambassadors, about how God loves and knows each person individually. IT WAS AMAZING. The Spirit filled up that room like CRAZY! And they opened with an INCREDIBLE arrangement of this song. The morning side was exactly what I needed. :]

People Moving On?

So, I just have to talk about the missionaries. I talked about them in my Christmas post, but I have to say more, because they are very dear to me.

First, we have Elder Miller and Elder Hayes. Elder Miller has been here forever (like, eight months or some crazy thing like that) and Elder Hayes has been here for about four. We've had them over for dinner quite a few times, and they're just awesome people.

And then there's Sister Messervy and Sister Flores. Sister Messervy has been here just longer than Elder Hayes, and Sister Flores has only been here for one transfer. We've had them over a bunch too... Actually, we usually have all the missionaries over at once, because it's just more fun that way! And the sisters are fantastic people too.

Tragically, however, it's time for another transfer, and Elder Hayes and Sister Flores are being relocated. It makes me sad, because I honestly love these missionaries- but at the same time, I know they'll be where the Lord needs them to be, and whoever gets transferred over here... Well, I'll end up loving them too.

But I just want to talk about the missionaries.

Elder Miller is quiet, a little more willing to let his companion talk, but his testimony is so strong and so inspiring. Like, the other day, we had the missionaries over for dinner and family home evening, and we read 1 Nephi 11:8-22, and then he made a comment about wanting to read verse 17. So we worked it out so he could. This section is talking about God, and verse 17 says, "And I said unto him: I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things." Elder Miller is like that- the little moments, like a verse of scripture that he really likes, are what stand out about him. But at that moment, that scripture pierced my soul.

What an incredible thought, that even if we don't know all things, we know that God loves his children. He loves us! We are that important!

And, the more times we've had the Elders over, the more comfortable Elder Miller has gotten around us... We tease and joke and laugh and play games, tell stories and just have a good time. But it's his testimony that just stands out to me so much. He's been here pretty much since I realised I didn't really have a testimony anymore and set out to find if the Church was true for myself. Of course, I've never told him, but as we've had the missionaries around, he's helped me find my faith and my testimony again. He's so fired up about the Gospel, about missionary work, and his testimony is inspiring. In fact, this is slated to be his last transfer, six more weeks and then he's home, but he's made comments that he'd like to extend. Elder Miller is a pretty cool dude.

Elder Hayes is also a pretty cool dude, but in a different way. He's loud and outspoken, with a bit of a brash sense of humour. But he's super into missionary work, and very excited about the Gospel.
Fact: every conversation with Elder Hayes ends up being about Jesus.
It doesn't matter what you're talking about-it could be popsicles- and Elder Hayes will say, "And here's how that relates to Jesus:" and then he'll tell you. Sometimes maybe it's a bit of a stretch, but when we tease him about it, he just says that everything really does relate to Jesus. That's what it's all about. And he's right.

We're here to learn and grow, to make mistakes and become better... And we can do all of that because of Heavenly Father and Jesus, and the Plan of Salvation, and the atonement. It all leads back to Jesus, every time. Elder Haye's testimony has been inspiring to me, in my journey back to finding my faith. So I'm super bummed out that he's getting transferred.

And, of course, there's the sisters. I love them, dearly! Sister Messervy has been such a pillar for me to lean on, as I was finding my way back to the light. The one incident that stands out the most with her was one time when we had the missionaries over for dinner, and then we were having a mock discussion... I was teaching it. And at this point, I was still a little shaky in my testimony, not on solid ground at all. But then Sister Messervy asked if I could go out with them, to visit a few people, because, she said, "You know things!" She was so excited about what I knew about the Gospel... And I realised that I was excited about it too! And I knew it was true! There's so much more I could say about her... She's super sweet, very funny, open and caring... And, again, she's so pumped to be a missionary and to share the Gospel. I just love it!

Last, but not least, Sister Flores. She's only been here for one transfer, since just before Thanksgiving, which is really not long enough, so I'm super bummed out that she's getting transferred too... :( Sister Flores is quiet and peaceful, content to kinda just watch everyone else make the noise and participate in the conversation... But her testimony is so strong, and I can tell that she knows who she is. And even though I'm mostly on solid ground with my faith now, have been pretty much the whole time she's been here, here testimony is still an inspiration to me, and she's such an amazing example to me. I'm going to miss her.

I just, love the missionaries a LOT. I'm so grateful we've gotten to know them and to spend time with them!

Because, you know, I look at the missionaries, and they're young people, not much older than me, and they're so on fire with the Gospel, and their testimonies just light up their lives. And I love that about them, and I love being around them because it rubs off! It's so easy to get excited about the Gospel and about sharing it when you spend a lot of time with the missionaries! And I want to be like that! I want to just radiate light the way that they do! They've been such a huge force in helping me get back on the right track and honestly I don't like to think of where I'd be if they weren't so heavily involved in my family's life since this last summer. Missionaries are the best people!

Speaking of missions... 20 months until I can go on mine. So yeah! :D

Christmas!

Well. Today is Christmas.
And I could say a whole lot about that...
But. Well.
I'm a Christian-actually a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Which, I understand, is sort of a mouthful. But that's who we are, it's who I am.
But people usually just call us Mormons.
That's not important here.

What matters today is that I was born and raised in the Church, and that it's always been extremely important to me. Until this last year, something sorta... Slipped. Broke. Got away. I'm not sure, exactly. The thing is about faith, if you don't use it, you lose it. And I guess I... Sorta stopped using mine. And I'm not sure why. But it scared me, when I realised it. And I've been trying to get back to where I was before. And I'm on my way.

And today, I am thankful for Christ and I am thankful for Christmas and I am rejoicing because I have found my faith and myself again!

And I am thankful for missionaries. We got to spend a lot of time with the missionaries assigned to our ward today, in addition to Skyping with my brother who is on a mission.

And I am so thankful for the missionaries. Who are basically the coolest people EVER. I guess it started this summer with Elders Ramos and Bahr.... And then, when they got transferred, there were Elders Fillmore and Miller and Sisters Fellman and Catlett.

And, for me, struggling with my testimony, meeting these super cool people who were so on fire with the Gospel meant the world to me; it still does. They knew what they were talking about, they meant what they said, and I could feel it. Their testimonies were so influential to me. Missionary work is seriously inspired.

Then Sister Catlett got transferred, and we got Sister Messervy.
Elder Bahr got transferred and we got Elder Hayes.
And then Sister Fellman got transferred and we got Sister Grigley, she got transferred and Sister Flores was the next missionary sent our way.

So now, today, I was hanging out and soaking in the light and the testimony of Elders Miller (yeah, he's still here, it's been a while... XD) and Hayes, and Sisters Messervy and Flores. And I honestly don't think I'd be where I am if I had not been able to spend so much time with all the missionaries named here.... We've had them for dinners at our home, had discussions with them, spent time with them... And they're like family to me. I love them. I don't know if the missionaries know how much they mean to me, but even if they didn't convert any other person in their whole mission, they converted me, brought me back to everything I know and love.

So today. I am very glad that we got to spend time with the missionaries, who are what helped get me back on track with remembering what Christmas is all about- Christ.

How much He loves me. How much I love Him.

This year, was an excellent Christmas.