I don't know what to do about the temple lately.
It started the first weekend of April. Friday afternoon before conference, I went up to Salt Lake with a bunch of friends to attend a session in the Salt Lake Temple, which was lovely. I hadn't been to the Salt Lake Temple since the very first time I went through, back in November 2015, so the memories were coming back strong in the best way possible.
And it was such a lovely session, and being in the celestial room with some of my favourite people in the world was incredible. I was feeling all sorts of things.
But then we had to leave. And walking out of that celestial room was almost physically painful to me. Every step away was a deep sorrow in my soul, this feeling like I was leaving something so important behind me and I wasn't going to be back for a very long time.
It was an odd feeling, and a stark contrast to the sense of home and peace and light I feel in the temple.
I... did not love it.
But I didn't dwell too much on it because then it was conference weekend and we were on Temple Square for general conference and it was so wonderful and I was so glad to be there.
But then the next time I went to the temple, it happened again. And it's been happening ever since.
This feeling has almost made me not want to go to the temple, because I don't want to feel so terrible when I leave.
It doesn't seem to matter how frequently I go. Even if I'm there weekly, I break when I leave. I try to go often, because as I said, the temple feels like home and it's light and love and peace for me. But I can't convince the feeling in my chest that I'm coming back, no matter how regularly I go.
It varies in intensity. It's worst when I'm alone. When I have a friend there, they can distract me from the pain of walking away from home again. About two months ago, I was telling my friend Maz about it, after we'd been to the temple together, struggling to explain this void that opens up in me and the way that it hurts to leave the temple.
"Sounds like there's a question you need to be asking, Rose," he said, "What is it?"
"I wish I knew..."
I've been thinking about that a lot.
About what it is that I should be asking. What I need to take to the temple to walk away without feeling like my heart is breaking, my soul is cracking open, like I'm leaving something critical behind me and I'm never coming back.
I'm not sure.
But I felt it again this week when I was there with Gyb.
And it hurts.
Showing posts with label temple. Show all posts
Showing posts with label temple. Show all posts
Friday, August 9, 2019
Wednesday, April 10, 2019
Pontificating
General Conference was this last weekend. It was full of good shenanigans with friends and a lot of doctrine. And maybe I will talk about the shenanigans later. Because right now, I just need to get some things down.
Friday afternoon we went with the friend crew up to Salt Lake to do a session in the temple. It was a really lovely experience, but man, it had me feeling some kind of way.
I don't know how to explain it exactly. As I've gotten older and my faith has gotten deeper, I've started to see a lot more nuance in the world, and I have a lot more questions. I'll have to write more about this, but not now. But the things that I keep holding on to are that the Gods, my Heavenly Parents, are in their heavens and They know me and love me, the temple feels like home in a way that I don't have the vocabulary to describe, and that the Book of Mormon brings light into my life.
But we went through this session, and I was so glad to be there with some of the people in this world who mean the most to me, and then sitting in the celestial room, after everything, I was just... overwhelmed.
There was an ache in my soul that I can't explain.
It is a strange sort of dissonance that I feel so at home in a place that I do not understand, and when I feel like there are significant problems with the institution of the church, but o! I love the temple.
And I was remembering when I went through the temple for the very first time, with my family, and it was this temple, and I had this startlingly clear memory of watching them all come into the celestial room one by one and being so glad they were there.
I was filled with love for my family and the friends I was there with and the fact that I was there, and it drowned out my confusion somehow, and all I could think was how I wanted to be there someday with everyone I love. But the questions I have, they still existed too.
And then when we went to leave, every step I took away from the celestial room felt like knives under my feet and some gaping hole in my soul opened wider and wider with every pace.
I had the feeling I was leaving something very important behind me, and I missed it so desperately.
I have never felt that before.
And then there was general conference, that wonderful semi-annual broadcast in which we hear from the leaders of the church. And so many of the messages were wonderful, but so many hit me in ways that I didn't expect. There was almost a feeling of... exclusivity, that I have never felt before.
Maybe it's simply because I've learned a lot in the last few years, and even in the last six months, my perspective has changed.
But there were more talks than I expected to that hurt, that left me wondering about the people who didn't fit those molds exactly, comments that somehow don't seem to align with the everlasting love of the Heavenly Parents that I know.
Of five sessions, only two women spoke. I was hoping for one every session, which feels like a low bar, but somehow we can't even manage it. And something about it feels so wrong to me, that the Apostles say over and over to listen to and respect the women, and we don't get to speak.
It doesn't feel right.
And it doesn't feel right that we never talk about Heavenly Mother. She is real, too, and surely she cares.
Don't give me that, "It's out of respect."
We respect our Father.
Don't give me that, "He's protecting Her."
She doesn't need to be protected from us, her children, the mortal progeny that she helped create.
Don't give me that, "It's just the way it is, it's the revelation we've received."
Because the way it is is run by men, and don't get me started on the patriarchal order of things (which is great in some ways, but also), but the thing is is that you ask questions that you need answers to, and somehow I wonder if the men standing in to lead the church have never felt the need to see the feminine in the Divine, never felt the aching to know that they were equal.
They certainly didn't go to the temple for the first time and gasp when a man administered an ordinance, they way I did when a woman administered to me.
I feel that there is so much more we could talk about, so much we are missing, because some of the needs aren't felt as keenly by those we have at the top. (and should it even be a top, it certainly feels that way, but aren't we all to serve each other, and I know authority matters, but still, should it feel like the top)
Women matter, we are equal partners, and yet.
And yet.
Two speakers out of thirty-one. Two prayers out of ten.
And you know, last October, when we wondered where all the women were, they said it was because of the women's session. And sure, it was wonderful and uplifting, but only one woman spoke in a general session. But this session, when it was the priesthood session, there was no great influx of women in the other sessions to round it out.
Womanhood, Heavenly Mother, representation.
These are just a few of the questions I had, a few of the things that didn't sit right with me during the wonderful weekend that was the 189th Annual General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
But it's all juxtaposed against the feeling that I left something crucial behind me when I walked out of the celestial room in the Salt Lake Temple Friday night, that that place is home.
I can't let go of that feeling.
But that doesn't stop the hurt, or the questions.
Friday afternoon we went with the friend crew up to Salt Lake to do a session in the temple. It was a really lovely experience, but man, it had me feeling some kind of way.
I don't know how to explain it exactly. As I've gotten older and my faith has gotten deeper, I've started to see a lot more nuance in the world, and I have a lot more questions. I'll have to write more about this, but not now. But the things that I keep holding on to are that the Gods, my Heavenly Parents, are in their heavens and They know me and love me, the temple feels like home in a way that I don't have the vocabulary to describe, and that the Book of Mormon brings light into my life.
But we went through this session, and I was so glad to be there with some of the people in this world who mean the most to me, and then sitting in the celestial room, after everything, I was just... overwhelmed.
There was an ache in my soul that I can't explain.
It is a strange sort of dissonance that I feel so at home in a place that I do not understand, and when I feel like there are significant problems with the institution of the church, but o! I love the temple.
And I was remembering when I went through the temple for the very first time, with my family, and it was this temple, and I had this startlingly clear memory of watching them all come into the celestial room one by one and being so glad they were there.
I was filled with love for my family and the friends I was there with and the fact that I was there, and it drowned out my confusion somehow, and all I could think was how I wanted to be there someday with everyone I love. But the questions I have, they still existed too.
And then when we went to leave, every step I took away from the celestial room felt like knives under my feet and some gaping hole in my soul opened wider and wider with every pace.
I had the feeling I was leaving something very important behind me, and I missed it so desperately.
I have never felt that before.
And then there was general conference, that wonderful semi-annual broadcast in which we hear from the leaders of the church. And so many of the messages were wonderful, but so many hit me in ways that I didn't expect. There was almost a feeling of... exclusivity, that I have never felt before.
Maybe it's simply because I've learned a lot in the last few years, and even in the last six months, my perspective has changed.
But there were more talks than I expected to that hurt, that left me wondering about the people who didn't fit those molds exactly, comments that somehow don't seem to align with the everlasting love of the Heavenly Parents that I know.
Of five sessions, only two women spoke. I was hoping for one every session, which feels like a low bar, but somehow we can't even manage it. And something about it feels so wrong to me, that the Apostles say over and over to listen to and respect the women, and we don't get to speak.
It doesn't feel right.
And it doesn't feel right that we never talk about Heavenly Mother. She is real, too, and surely she cares.
Don't give me that, "It's out of respect."
We respect our Father.
Don't give me that, "He's protecting Her."
She doesn't need to be protected from us, her children, the mortal progeny that she helped create.
Don't give me that, "It's just the way it is, it's the revelation we've received."
Because the way it is is run by men, and don't get me started on the patriarchal order of things (which is great in some ways, but also), but the thing is is that you ask questions that you need answers to, and somehow I wonder if the men standing in to lead the church have never felt the need to see the feminine in the Divine, never felt the aching to know that they were equal.
They certainly didn't go to the temple for the first time and gasp when a man administered an ordinance, they way I did when a woman administered to me.
I feel that there is so much more we could talk about, so much we are missing, because some of the needs aren't felt as keenly by those we have at the top. (and should it even be a top, it certainly feels that way, but aren't we all to serve each other, and I know authority matters, but still, should it feel like the top)
Women matter, we are equal partners, and yet.
And yet.
Two speakers out of thirty-one. Two prayers out of ten.
And you know, last October, when we wondered where all the women were, they said it was because of the women's session. And sure, it was wonderful and uplifting, but only one woman spoke in a general session. But this session, when it was the priesthood session, there was no great influx of women in the other sessions to round it out.
Womanhood, Heavenly Mother, representation.
These are just a few of the questions I had, a few of the things that didn't sit right with me during the wonderful weekend that was the 189th Annual General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
But it's all juxtaposed against the feeling that I left something crucial behind me when I walked out of the celestial room in the Salt Lake Temple Friday night, that that place is home.
I can't let go of that feeling.
But that doesn't stop the hurt, or the questions.
Sunday, October 22, 2017
Sunday Morning
It's chill, it's cool.
In things worth note.
GrandmaH and GrandpaH have set a goal to attend every temple in Utah- there are currently seventeen- and to make this happen, we're having a family temple day on the third Saturday of every month. Everyone who can come is invited. So yesterday was the first go, and we went to the Provo City Center Temple. GrandmaH and GrandpaH were of course there, and Est and Zap came to do baptisms and hang out, big brother and I also made it for the session, and we were joined by our cousin Cer and his girlfriend Ver.
Provo City Center is new- opened while I was on my mission, and I'd never been, and WOW is it gorgeous. I love being in the house of the Lord.
And it was extra special to me to be going through with people I love and care about so much. What was particularly interesting for me this time was things I've learned in my German culture and history class and in my Book of Mormon class that really coloured my temple experience. I'm learning to think so much more deeply about everything that happens, everything I learn, to look for symbolism in it all. I have so much to learn.
And a cool thought from my Book of Mormon teacher. He told us a story of attending a sealing, how they were waiting on the sealer, and he was looking around thinking how beautiful it all was, then the sealer walked in and said, "Brothers and sisters, welcome to the temple."
He went on to explain how he'd recently been back to visit the Holy Land, and briefly shared some of his experiences. "It is a holy thing to walk where Jesus walked," he said, "but it is a holier thing to walk where He walks."
"Brothers and sisters, welcome to the temple."
I've been thinking about that all week. And it was wonderful to be in the temple.
We finished up the day with lunch at a great pizza place, TwoJack's (10/10, would recommend), where we were joined by our cousin Taw and her year-old baby Saw. That brought the party up to 10, and it was just a good old time. We ended up discussing funny stories about spicy things that we'd experienced, mostly from the mission. My brother went to Mexico, where EVERYTHING is spicy, Cer went to Russia, where nothing is, my Germany is likewise, and Ver was just glad she'd been in Colorado where such spicy things didn't happen. Est had a really good one that involved her little brother Set and a spicy chicken wings challenge. I just love my cousins so much, and it is so wonderful to spend time with them.
After parting ways, I dragged the brother, Zap, and Est, on a thrift shopping adventure with me, as I was searching the perfect articles of clothing to make up a Halloween costume of Sophie, from Howl's Moving Castle. Studio Ghibli is my favourite. This costume is important because I actually have things to wear it for- a work party, a concert my sister is in, Halloween itself. I'm stoked.
In other things, Est and our roommate Mel, started this club, Barnacle Cobra, a while ago, where once a week we eat dinner in the elevator in our residence hall. This week, as part of our efforts to introduce Mel to the wonders of Studio Ghibli (we did Howl's Moving Castle at Aunt Jo and Uncle Ro's house a few weeks ago), we added a movie to our elevator dinner- Whisper of the Heart. Zap also joined us- it was a regular party. We finished the film back in our apartment, but MAN, do I love Whisper of the Heart. It is, quite possibly, the cutest movie in the world.
Also, I got a calling this week- I should be sustained and set apart today, and I'm super excited. Also, church starts in two hours and I haven't eaten breakfast or got dressed yet, so I should maybe get a move on.
Bis spaeter!
In things worth note.
GrandmaH and GrandpaH have set a goal to attend every temple in Utah- there are currently seventeen- and to make this happen, we're having a family temple day on the third Saturday of every month. Everyone who can come is invited. So yesterday was the first go, and we went to the Provo City Center Temple. GrandmaH and GrandpaH were of course there, and Est and Zap came to do baptisms and hang out, big brother and I also made it for the session, and we were joined by our cousin Cer and his girlfriend Ver.
Provo City Center is new- opened while I was on my mission, and I'd never been, and WOW is it gorgeous. I love being in the house of the Lord.
And it was extra special to me to be going through with people I love and care about so much. What was particularly interesting for me this time was things I've learned in my German culture and history class and in my Book of Mormon class that really coloured my temple experience. I'm learning to think so much more deeply about everything that happens, everything I learn, to look for symbolism in it all. I have so much to learn.
And a cool thought from my Book of Mormon teacher. He told us a story of attending a sealing, how they were waiting on the sealer, and he was looking around thinking how beautiful it all was, then the sealer walked in and said, "Brothers and sisters, welcome to the temple."
He went on to explain how he'd recently been back to visit the Holy Land, and briefly shared some of his experiences. "It is a holy thing to walk where Jesus walked," he said, "but it is a holier thing to walk where He walks."
"Brothers and sisters, welcome to the temple."
I've been thinking about that all week. And it was wonderful to be in the temple.
We finished up the day with lunch at a great pizza place, TwoJack's (10/10, would recommend), where we were joined by our cousin Taw and her year-old baby Saw. That brought the party up to 10, and it was just a good old time. We ended up discussing funny stories about spicy things that we'd experienced, mostly from the mission. My brother went to Mexico, where EVERYTHING is spicy, Cer went to Russia, where nothing is, my Germany is likewise, and Ver was just glad she'd been in Colorado where such spicy things didn't happen. Est had a really good one that involved her little brother Set and a spicy chicken wings challenge. I just love my cousins so much, and it is so wonderful to spend time with them.
After parting ways, I dragged the brother, Zap, and Est, on a thrift shopping adventure with me, as I was searching the perfect articles of clothing to make up a Halloween costume of Sophie, from Howl's Moving Castle. Studio Ghibli is my favourite. This costume is important because I actually have things to wear it for- a work party, a concert my sister is in, Halloween itself. I'm stoked.
In other things, Est and our roommate Mel, started this club, Barnacle Cobra, a while ago, where once a week we eat dinner in the elevator in our residence hall. This week, as part of our efforts to introduce Mel to the wonders of Studio Ghibli (we did Howl's Moving Castle at Aunt Jo and Uncle Ro's house a few weeks ago), we added a movie to our elevator dinner- Whisper of the Heart. Zap also joined us- it was a regular party. We finished the film back in our apartment, but MAN, do I love Whisper of the Heart. It is, quite possibly, the cutest movie in the world.
Also, I got a calling this week- I should be sustained and set apart today, and I'm super excited. Also, church starts in two hours and I haven't eaten breakfast or got dressed yet, so I should maybe get a move on.
Bis spaeter!
Friday, October 13, 2017
Weeks Went By Like What
Ok, so a lot of stuff has gone down these last two weeks and I need to get it all down.
First off, I feel like I've discovered one of my reasons for being here at BYU, which means a lot to me. Last Thursday morning, the university sent out an email telling everyone about a lecture by an almuna, Liz Shropshire. Billed as "Teaching Children Peace Through Music: The Life-Changing Impact of Music Education for Children in War Zones", the lecture was supposed to "details Shropshire's work in refugee camps and communities across Syria, Northern Ireland, and Uganda."
I went on a total whim. Music education is what I want to do. Refugees are people, incredible resilient people with heartbreaking stories, and I was interested. And what I heard changed me.
Liz went to Kosovo on a relief trip in 1999, and raised money to bring instruments to give to the children, just pennywhistles and harmonicas. She taught these kids music and then knew that she had to keep coming back. So she started a non-profit organisation, and then established a program in Kosovo, and eventually it grew to the point where it's run entirely by Kosovo youth volunteers and runs all year and Liz only goes to check up.
She expanded out to Northern Ireland, Uganda, and most recently to Greece. She told stories of children who came into her programs looking broken and helpless, who suffered from screaming nightmares, who found solace in their music. They keep their instruments on them all the time and they play and sing all the time. The smiles start. The nightmares stop. And the youth learn they can make a difference, learn leadership, and love serving the children. It's a win for everyone.
Her website, Teaching Peace Through Music, explains a lot more about them. I'll share an excerpt:
I was honestly so blown away by this lecture, and the follow-up Q&A session the next day. We're hoping to start an official club here at the university, and possibly to start working with refugees in Salt Lake and Provo, using her program. And I haven't felt this excited or this right about anything since I got my mission call and on my mission. I know, without a doubt, that this is something I have to be a part of. For how long, I'll see, but I'm sure I am here right now so I could hear about this.
God guides us, truly.
But wait, there's more. September was not a good month for me, in terms of motivation and spirituality and life. So on Sunday, I fasted for the strength to accomplish and overcome everything that stood before me.
Diving foreshadowing. On Sunday night, my parents told my siblings and I that my dad has lost his job. The mine did some rearrangin' and his position didn't make the cut. Enter period of uncertainty for us.
But I have faced this week confident in the fact that God will watch over us and guide my daddy to the next place he's supposed to be and that it will all turn out ok. And I attribute much of my serenity to the fast on Sunday.
God is giving me strength.
I'm also suffering from an intense renewed desire to do my schoolwork and earn scholarships and make as little stress for my parents as possible, which is a good thing.
Had an incredible Book of Mormon class again in which our teacher talked about how important it is to make sure that we talk about Heavenly Father- sometimes in the Church, we as members talk about Christ so much that we never mention our Father in Heaven. And if Christ were here, well, what would He say about that? The whole plan comes back to our Father, His love for us, the fact that we can be with Him again.
And it was simultaneously a super uplifting and very validating moment for me, because I had noticed this tendency, especially on my mission, and I tried so hard not to do this. Because my relationship with Heavenly Father means everything to me, knowing that I am His daughter helps me understand my purpose, and I can't wait to be with Him again.
God knows me, and He loves me.
Also, it was my mom's birthday yesterday.
And the finally, today. I have a job working as a custodian at the MTC, and today I was working on something when two elders came up to me and asked if they could share a short message with me. Of course, I agreed.
They read me Doctrine and Covenants 19:16-18.
And they asked me how knowing someone cared that much for me would impact me. I told them, truthfully, it would make me want to do what that person wanted, and to do what was best.
And then these two sweet, terrifiedly nervous elders, bore sincere and powerful testimony that God loves me that much, that He knows me and watches over me and will take care of me.
And I needed to hear it. I so did.
And to top it all off, I went to the temple with a couple of friends/coworkers, and I just got back and sat down to write this post because WOW.
I haven't been since the start of September, and it was so sweet to be in the House of the Lord. Every time I am there, I feel like I am home. I so needed to be there today.
I have so much to learn. But there is so much that I love about the temple. And the sweetest moment was sitting in the celestial room, pondering, and the hymn, O My Father came to mind. I sang through the whole thing, reveling in the beauty of the words. And especially the first and fourth verses.
I mean, I was thinking it in German, but the overall effect is the same.
I am overwhelmed by God's love and awareness of me, and by the glory of the fact that I can return to live with Him again.
Today was a perfect day. :)
First off, I feel like I've discovered one of my reasons for being here at BYU, which means a lot to me. Last Thursday morning, the university sent out an email telling everyone about a lecture by an almuna, Liz Shropshire. Billed as "Teaching Children Peace Through Music: The Life-Changing Impact of Music Education for Children in War Zones", the lecture was supposed to "details Shropshire's work in refugee camps and communities across Syria, Northern Ireland, and Uganda."
I went on a total whim. Music education is what I want to do. Refugees are people, incredible resilient people with heartbreaking stories, and I was interested. And what I heard changed me.
Liz went to Kosovo on a relief trip in 1999, and raised money to bring instruments to give to the children, just pennywhistles and harmonicas. She taught these kids music and then knew that she had to keep coming back. So she started a non-profit organisation, and then established a program in Kosovo, and eventually it grew to the point where it's run entirely by Kosovo youth volunteers and runs all year and Liz only goes to check up.
She expanded out to Northern Ireland, Uganda, and most recently to Greece. She told stories of children who came into her programs looking broken and helpless, who suffered from screaming nightmares, who found solace in their music. They keep their instruments on them all the time and they play and sing all the time. The smiles start. The nightmares stop. And the youth learn they can make a difference, learn leadership, and love serving the children. It's a win for everyone.
Her website, Teaching Peace Through Music, explains a lot more about them. I'll share an excerpt:
The Shropshire Music Foundation develops youth leadership and capacity for peacemaking and problem-solving in global conflict zones through the establishment of locally-run, youth-led music education programs. These programs provide local children opportunities for education, trauma relief, expression, and creativity and local teenagers opportunities to develop leadership, teaching, and expressive skills, to become role models in their communities, to access broader opportunities for education, and to reduce vulnerability to extremist group participation.
The Shropshire Music Foundation provides free musical instruments and instruction to former child soldiers and refugees in some of the world’s most war-torn locations: Uganda, Kosovo, Northern Ireland, and Syrian Refugee Centers. Since 1999, we have taught more than 17,000 young people that through music they can bring healing, hope, and peace to their communities.
I was honestly so blown away by this lecture, and the follow-up Q&A session the next day. We're hoping to start an official club here at the university, and possibly to start working with refugees in Salt Lake and Provo, using her program. And I haven't felt this excited or this right about anything since I got my mission call and on my mission. I know, without a doubt, that this is something I have to be a part of. For how long, I'll see, but I'm sure I am here right now so I could hear about this.
God guides us, truly.
But wait, there's more. September was not a good month for me, in terms of motivation and spirituality and life. So on Sunday, I fasted for the strength to accomplish and overcome everything that stood before me.
Diving foreshadowing. On Sunday night, my parents told my siblings and I that my dad has lost his job. The mine did some rearrangin' and his position didn't make the cut. Enter period of uncertainty for us.
But I have faced this week confident in the fact that God will watch over us and guide my daddy to the next place he's supposed to be and that it will all turn out ok. And I attribute much of my serenity to the fast on Sunday.
God is giving me strength.
I'm also suffering from an intense renewed desire to do my schoolwork and earn scholarships and make as little stress for my parents as possible, which is a good thing.
Had an incredible Book of Mormon class again in which our teacher talked about how important it is to make sure that we talk about Heavenly Father- sometimes in the Church, we as members talk about Christ so much that we never mention our Father in Heaven. And if Christ were here, well, what would He say about that? The whole plan comes back to our Father, His love for us, the fact that we can be with Him again.
And it was simultaneously a super uplifting and very validating moment for me, because I had noticed this tendency, especially on my mission, and I tried so hard not to do this. Because my relationship with Heavenly Father means everything to me, knowing that I am His daughter helps me understand my purpose, and I can't wait to be with Him again.
God knows me, and He loves me.
Also, it was my mom's birthday yesterday.
And the finally, today. I have a job working as a custodian at the MTC, and today I was working on something when two elders came up to me and asked if they could share a short message with me. Of course, I agreed.
They read me Doctrine and Covenants 19:16-18.
For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent;
But if they would not repent they must suffer even as I;
Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit—and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink—
And they asked me how knowing someone cared that much for me would impact me. I told them, truthfully, it would make me want to do what that person wanted, and to do what was best.
And then these two sweet, terrifiedly nervous elders, bore sincere and powerful testimony that God loves me that much, that He knows me and watches over me and will take care of me.
And I needed to hear it. I so did.
And to top it all off, I went to the temple with a couple of friends/coworkers, and I just got back and sat down to write this post because WOW.
I haven't been since the start of September, and it was so sweet to be in the House of the Lord. Every time I am there, I feel like I am home. I so needed to be there today.
I have so much to learn. But there is so much that I love about the temple. And the sweetest moment was sitting in the celestial room, pondering, and the hymn, O My Father came to mind. I sang through the whole thing, reveling in the beauty of the words. And especially the first and fourth verses.
O my Father, thou that dwellest
In the high and glorious place,
When shall I regain thy presence
And again behold thy face?
In thy holy habitation,
Did my spirit once reside?
In my first primeval childhood
Was I nurtured near thy side?
In the heav’ns are parents single?
No, the thought makes reason stare!
Truth is reason; truth eternal
Tells me I’ve a mother there.
When I leave this frail existence,
When I lay this mortal by,
Father, Mother, may I meet you
In your royal courts on high?
Then, at length, when I’ve completed
All you sent me forth to do,
With your mutual approbation
Let me come and dwell with you.
I mean, I was thinking it in German, but the overall effect is the same.
I am overwhelmed by God's love and awareness of me, and by the glory of the fact that I can return to live with Him again.
Today was a perfect day. :)
Monday, September 11, 2017
One and Done
Right, so this was a week.
What I learned this week is that all of the time management skills that I learned on my mission have been decimated this summer. I did not do well this week.
FOR EXAMPLE. I have bassoon instruction and I'm supposed to practice 6 hours a week. And I practiced one this week. Mostly on account of I just didn't do life well.
Also, I have an American Heritage class, and I have about 20 pages of reading I need to do before 11 am tomorrow.
And another 7 chapters for a religion class at 9 am.
I'm crushing it, basically.
In other news, I got to hang out with Tes, my trainer, which was INCREDIBLE. We pretty much just talked for three hours straight- I've only seen her once since July of last year, and that was very brief, so getting to see her again and just do life was incredible. It was so good to reconnect and talk about things and just... yeah. Some friendships are forever, and hers is one of those for me. She's incredible.
Also, I went to the temple, which was a lovely experience. I just really know that it is God's house and that He loves us. There's a lot I'm still learning, but o! how I know this gospel is true!
---------
Finishing Monday morning, because sleep is a thing that had to happen.
I also got hired to be an early-morning janitor in my favourite place here on campus, so we'll see how that pans out.
I'm hoping to write two posts a week up in here, but we shall see...
It's been a blast, but stressful so far. I'm rooming with my cousin, Est, and we've made it a goal to do something with our cousin, Zap, who's also a freshman here on campus, at least once a week. This week, we hung out at Aunt Jo and Uncle Ro's house with him and cousins Kad & Cad and Pyp, their PRECIOUS year and half old daughter. Party. We watched Hercules, an episode of Face-off, and an episode of Project Runway. Go team!
Also this week, I got to babysit Pyp because Kad had to have a surgery at a stupid early time in the morning, and I had the right times free. It means so much to me that I can help out in times like these, that I'm close enough to my family to help, to be there. I love them. Pyp also broke her arm this week, so it was quite the week for their family.
Umm... yeah. I think that's all I got. I have class in two hours and reading to do and I'll see y'all around.
What I learned this week is that all of the time management skills that I learned on my mission have been decimated this summer. I did not do well this week.
FOR EXAMPLE. I have bassoon instruction and I'm supposed to practice 6 hours a week. And I practiced one this week. Mostly on account of I just didn't do life well.
Also, I have an American Heritage class, and I have about 20 pages of reading I need to do before 11 am tomorrow.
And another 7 chapters for a religion class at 9 am.
I'm crushing it, basically.
In other news, I got to hang out with Tes, my trainer, which was INCREDIBLE. We pretty much just talked for three hours straight- I've only seen her once since July of last year, and that was very brief, so getting to see her again and just do life was incredible. It was so good to reconnect and talk about things and just... yeah. Some friendships are forever, and hers is one of those for me. She's incredible.
Also, I went to the temple, which was a lovely experience. I just really know that it is God's house and that He loves us. There's a lot I'm still learning, but o! how I know this gospel is true!
---------
Finishing Monday morning, because sleep is a thing that had to happen.
I also got hired to be an early-morning janitor in my favourite place here on campus, so we'll see how that pans out.
I'm hoping to write two posts a week up in here, but we shall see...
It's been a blast, but stressful so far. I'm rooming with my cousin, Est, and we've made it a goal to do something with our cousin, Zap, who's also a freshman here on campus, at least once a week. This week, we hung out at Aunt Jo and Uncle Ro's house with him and cousins Kad & Cad and Pyp, their PRECIOUS year and half old daughter. Party. We watched Hercules, an episode of Face-off, and an episode of Project Runway. Go team!
Also this week, I got to babysit Pyp because Kad had to have a surgery at a stupid early time in the morning, and I had the right times free. It means so much to me that I can help out in times like these, that I'm close enough to my family to help, to be there. I love them. Pyp also broke her arm this week, so it was quite the week for their family.
Umm... yeah. I think that's all I got. I have class in two hours and reading to do and I'll see y'all around.
Monday, May 11, 2015
Eternity
This Saturday, I had the opportunity to go to the Payson Utah Temple open house with my favourite people in the world- my family!
So, it was me, my little sister, my little brother, Dad, Mom, GrandmaH, GrandpaH, AuntJo, UncleRo, Rip, Zap, and Taw. Kad and Cad would have been there, but one of Kad's best friends was getting married... So they opted out.
But ANYHOW. The Payson temple is absolutely gorgeous- I mean, they all are, but Zap and I walked into the first ordinance room, and our jaws just dropped. It was LOVELY. We basically were just slack-jawed through the whole thing.
And the funny thing is, we've gone to temple open houses before- with Dad's side of the family, we've been to the Oquirrh Mountain, Brigham City, Ogden, Draper... And a few more. So we've seen temples before.
But we're always blown away by how lovely they are.
And not only that, but there is this incredible feeling of peace and love- the strongest presence of the Spirit, and in a temple that isn't even dedicated yet! It's wonderful.
And I love temple open houses- because it's such a brilliant promise for the future, for the eternity that can come.
Walking through the Payson temple Saturday night, all I could think was, "This is where eternity starts."
And it's true.
I can't wait for my turn to go through the temple, and someday to be sealed there, to start my own eternity with my husband.
And of course, when eternity finally gets here, I know that I want my whole family there with me- because I can't picture myself without them.
The temple is seriously the greatest thing ever.
Families are forever!
So, it was me, my little sister, my little brother, Dad, Mom, GrandmaH, GrandpaH, AuntJo, UncleRo, Rip, Zap, and Taw. Kad and Cad would have been there, but one of Kad's best friends was getting married... So they opted out.
But ANYHOW. The Payson temple is absolutely gorgeous- I mean, they all are, but Zap and I walked into the first ordinance room, and our jaws just dropped. It was LOVELY. We basically were just slack-jawed through the whole thing.
And the funny thing is, we've gone to temple open houses before- with Dad's side of the family, we've been to the Oquirrh Mountain, Brigham City, Ogden, Draper... And a few more. So we've seen temples before.
But we're always blown away by how lovely they are.
And not only that, but there is this incredible feeling of peace and love- the strongest presence of the Spirit, and in a temple that isn't even dedicated yet! It's wonderful.
And I love temple open houses- because it's such a brilliant promise for the future, for the eternity that can come.
Walking through the Payson temple Saturday night, all I could think was, "This is where eternity starts."
And it's true.
I can't wait for my turn to go through the temple, and someday to be sealed there, to start my own eternity with my husband.
And of course, when eternity finally gets here, I know that I want my whole family there with me- because I can't picture myself without them.
The temple is seriously the greatest thing ever.
Families are forever!
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