You Can't Script This Stuff

I made a fool of myself Sunday evening, and now I'm here to tell you all about it.

So, I'm coming back from a family event, and my older brother is dropping me off, in the parking lot next to my apartment. It is approximately nine p.m. I am wearing a black and white dress, a red jacket, and red high heels.

I get out of the car, close the front passenger door, and begin moving around to the rear driver's side because I have things I needed to get out of the back. My brother, however, starts to drive away. Now, I notice a group of people standing nearby, but I don't know any of them, so all my attention is focused on my car, driving away.

"Hey," I shout, waving my arms, "Wait! Stop!" This is, unfortunately, not effective, as my hands are sort of full and I can't gesture very well. I'm running after the car, but not very quickly, as I'm in heels. After a few seconds, I'm a little desperate, so I reach down and take off my shoe, my red high heel, and throw it at my car as I shout, "FETCHER I STILL HAVE THINGS IN THE CAR!"

It is at this juncture that my brother finally clues in and stops. I jog over to the car, one heel on, one foot just in tights on the pavement, open the door, and begin to get out my things. It is then that I hear, from behind me, "Rose, is that your brother?"

And I turn, and as I answer, "Yeah," who should I see but the object of my last post, smiling at me.

The realisation sets in that I have just made a FOOL of myself in front of this guy and his family, and I want to die. Just a little bit.

I wish that a chasm would open in the earth and swallow me up.

A nice lady brought me my shoe. saying, "Here's your satin slipper," and then continued on her way.

The family keeps walking, and then he looks at me and says, "Well, see you, then."

"Yeah, see you!"

And he walks away and I duck behind the car door and express this to my brother.

"Oh," he says, "Did you not notice him?"

"No! I just noticed a group of people! I didn't realise he was there! I'm so mortified!"

"Don't be," my brother laughs, "He thought it was great."

Nonetheless, my mortification was great. 

I can only imagine how the conversation went as he caught back up to his family:
"Oh, did you know her?"
"Yeah, that's my friend, *name redacted*."
"What an... interesting girl."

(perhaps by some weird chance they know who I am, as we've been doing things with friends and we've been on a few dates)

So my brother adds to my imagined scene, "Oh, the one we've heard all about!"

To which I can only say, "I wish."

(my family has lowkey heard a lot about him because I talk too much)

I've told this story to a few people (it is, admittedly, very funny), and been told that is sounds like a dramatic breakup scene and also like the intro of the leading lady in a rom-com, so I'm keeping it in my pocket for when I'm writing a screenplay in the future.

Two hours later, I get a text from him that just says,
Solid throw! ;)

Somehow that makes it at once better and worse.

Then yesterday, I had a chance to talk to him at a church activity. For my own mental well-being, I asked if that was his family the night before. Yes. His aunt and uncle, a couple cousins, one of whom is coming to our university in the fall, and his twin brother. They were showing them around campus. It was his aunt who returned my shoe, apparently.

He said it was cool that he met my brother- or saw him, at least. So I think that's a positive.

I'm still a little embarrassed, tbh.

RandomSauce

Welp... It's been a while. RandomSauce- I'm gonna dump and catch y'all up.
Last Thursday, I went to my old school's graduation, in Podunk.
Then Friday, I graduated in Myneton.
Saturday, Rle and I had our party- it was great fun, and a whole bunch of people came, Tak included.
Sunday, Rip got the Melchizedek priesthood (he leaves for a mission on July 8) and his eagles scout, which was a pretty cool day.
Monday, I started work out at one of the mines (there are SEVERAL. I'm not calling this Myneton for nothing.). I have a summer job there... and it's gonna be LONG hours, but it pays great. So, that's cool.

Then, and here's the real random story, I came home from work Monday, and our front door was open, because it's SO HOT, and through the screen door, I can hear my little brother and my sister talking, quite enthusiastically. I'm confused as to who they're talking to... I walk in, and I see them, with my mom, taking to... A lumberjack? Some random bearded guy, in a red flannel shirt? Double take, and it's Elder Hayes! He got home from his mission in December, and he's living here in Myneton for the summer, working a job that a family he met on the mission set up for him. So anyway, Hayes (which is what we ended up calling him because first name felt odd and Elder wasn't right either...) served in our ward for about five months, and he's totally best friends with our family (him and Elder Miller together), so he thought he'd stop in.
He was probably at our house for like three hours, including dinner. It was great. He's a funny guy, and it was fun to see him.

Although I was having a weird moment about it... Like, I thought he was rather attractive when he served in our ward, but missionaries exist in this bubble of untouchableness for me, so I never considered it. Well, Monday, when he was sitting in our living room, he was definitely attractive. WEIRD WEIRD WEIRD.
Although I did write a pretty poem about it... It's sort of true, and sort of dramatic:

The taste of your name
Is unfamiliar on my lips
But, darling, I think I like it
The smile on your face
That easy, cheerful grin
Is just how I remembered it
The gleam in your eyes
As we talk and tell jokes
I'm entranced by it
And your sure testimony
Of the Gospel we live
 I'm inspired by it
So... The taste of your name on my lips-
Darling, it's wonderful, and
I could get used to it

So Monday... It was weird.
Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, I woke up between 3 and 3:30, caught the bus at 4:15, rode the bus to the mine, arrived at 5:50, began work at 6, got off at 4, got home about 5:45. And I went to sleep at 9 every night. Mine life is rough. But also VERY cool.

Thursday night, UncleRo, Cad, Kad, Rip, and Zap came through and spent the night, and we partied and played games. It was lovely! Although, this conversation happened.

We were telling them about Hayes visiting, and then--
Cad: Well, did he hit on you?
Me: What?? No!
Cad: Well, I'm just sayin, elders who go back to their missions...
And we laughed it off, and told Cad and everybody else about other missionaries who've served here and come back through...
But OHMYGOSH. I felt SO AWKWARD.
Awkward enough that I wrote another poem about it.

Ahaha AWKWARD
'Scuse me while I laugh
"Did he hit on you?"
Well, NO
But I sorta wish he would have?
And super really don't
Because, what even. WEIRD
But then, I don't know
I like him- and his beard
I think I'm just overromantic
And sort of desperate
I just want to find someone
To make a real connection
But it can wait
I don't need that now
Although that doesn't change
How
You caught me off guard, made me laugh
And PANIC
Ahaha AWKWARD
And I hope no one saw that

So that basically sums up my life in that area. Hayes really IS attractive, but it's ODD... I don't like it. It somehow just feels odd, but there's totally a part of me that's like, "Yeah, go for it! Summer fling before he goes back to college, before you go on a mission... DO IT." And the other part of me's like, "NO. BAD STUPID IDEA."  But nothing will happen anyway, so it's whatever.

Friday, I vegged out all day, and then we had a Youth Conference (my last one!) kick-off dinner/game time.

Today, we went to an amusement park.

Yay Youth Conference!

I'll try to post more next week... This week was weird.

A Funny Story

Once upon a time two years ago, I dated this guy named Tak (which is still a weird sentence to say.). We broke up, incredibly amiably, since he had moved to college and I was still going to high school in Myneton. In the two years since, we've stopped talking and aren't really friends anymore. His loss. He decided it's "awkward" to talk to me. So hey, it's whate'er.

But! He's still friends with Rle, and they talk fairly often. So. Graduation comes up in one of their conversations, and Tak asks Rle if she's having a party. She tells him yes, and when it is, and he's committed to come... And THEN she mentions that it's a combined party with me, and that it's at my house.

Rle told me this story, laughing. She didn't do it on purpose, but it's a great setup anyhow. I think it's hilarious.

So I guess we'll see if he comes... Or if he thinks it's too "awkward." ;)

Life is funny sometimes.

Far-Distant and Unattainable Ideal v. Far Too Close and Far Too Real

Ahahahahahahahaha. I hope Rle doesn't decide to check out my blog and read this post today. Because I'm having a major ramble fest... AND. She'll ask questions.

So here's the deal. I have this sorta crush on this friend of mine, Tev. It's not, like, a huge deal, but... He's great. He's literally the nicest person I know, and he has this amazing, on fire testimony of the Gospel, and he's funny, and he sings, and he's cute... He's cool. But. I definitely just sit over here, with this crush on him, because I don't want to deal with actual like relationships or whatever else. And it's there, but not a huge deal.

So anyhow... Every once in a while, I get a little maudlin, and I just wish I had someone who'd text me. Like, it'd be nice if someone would text me and we could talk about stupid things or big things or nothing or everything. That is ((fact)) one of the only things that I miss about being in a relationship- is having that person you can talk to about everything. And sometimes I just want someone to have a crush on me. It's honestly super ridiculous... But there's that.

So then, there's this.... My friend, Top, had this book that I wanted to read (Ready Player One by Ernest Cline and OHMYGOSH I need to devote a post to it!)... So, last Saturday, he texted me when he was done with it, and then we kinda talked about it for a little... And on Monday, he gave me the book. And I got really excited, and plowed through it in less than two days. It's good. But we'd text while I was reading it, and talking in real life, and UGH.
And I kinda think I might have a crush on Top.

Here's the thing:
While I still admire Tev as one admires a far-distant and unattainable ideal... I think I like Top.

But... There's a catch. I'm not actually sure if I like him or if I just like the attention...
Let me explain.
Top is the kind of guy who just loves girls- if it's got two X chromosomes and is sentient, he'll go for it. And I say that with utmost affection- he's also a genuinely nice guy who respects women. But, Top is so in love with the idea of being in love that if he knows someone likes him, he'll like her too- whether or not he did before, he'll go for her, sincerely. And so I don't know if I actually like Top, or if I just like that if I told him I liked him, odds are, he'd like me back, and things might progress. WHICH I DON'T ACTUALLY WANT, because TOO MUCH COMPLICATION. Except for the part of me that wants someone to hold hands with and hug and kiss... and yeah. So this is the dilemma. Because do I actually like him, or do I just like that he'd like me, and doesn't that mean I'm just doing exactly what he does, and if something happened wouldn't it just be because we both knew the other person would like us if we liked them?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW.

So I've been feeling SO AWKWARD about this for the last week, like, freaking out about talking to Top (do I like him, what is happening, he has cute brown eyes, we geek out hardcore) and then feeling uncomfortable every time Top and Tev happen to be in the same place, and then Rle and my sister and our friend Ini are teasing me about Tev because they know, and I just feel SO AWKWARD.

And like, Sunday, I visited another ward for a mission farewell- I ended up sitting by Tev (freaking out, because he makes me nervous and just want to be a better person) and staring at the back of Top's head, contemplating how nice his hair looked. WHAT EVEN. And then Rle and Ini and I were talking to G.M. and Rle said something about a texting flirtationship Top's got going right now with some girl, and it hurt just a little. WHAT EVEN.

I don't like this and I don't know what to feel about it and I don't know what to think about it and I don't know who to talk to about it and I just don't know what to do AT ALL.

BONUS ROUND: I also know that Top has no problem with making out and whatever else (he's been a little farther than he should have been)....... And if this all went down, that could happen. And I don't think I'm prepared to sign up for that... And then part of me wonders what it would be like to make out with him. Like, is he a good kisser? UGH. What?? Why am I even?

I don't like this. HILF MIR BITTE.

ohmyAWKWARD

So, I've been busy lately... No posts in over a week,YIKES.

Will it make it better if I say that I've been working on something really big lately, kinda an epic post? Coz I have been.

But anyhow. Since I have nothing to say, I'm just going to relay a slightly funny and also really sad story.

So, my friend Tak is in college now. And Rle and I talk to him, which is all good fun. So a while ago, he mentions a 'potential girlfriend', Z, to Rle, but she's never come up again... Of course, being teenage girls, Rle and I are DYING of curiosity about this girl.

So, last night, I had a chance to ask Tak about her, and this is how that conversation went:

Me: So, who is Z?
Tak: Dunno. We haven't spoken
Me: Oh...
Tak: I'm over it
Me: Ok, sorry I asked.
Tak: Don't be. It's fine.
Me: Ok...
*an HOUR passes*
Tak: Eeyup

ohmyAWKWARD. Like, I just wanted to have a conversation with a friend, but suddenly it turned into falling-off-a-cliff-and-drowning-in-awkward horrendousness. I don't know what to do with that conversation.

Also, I feel sort of bad.

And now Rle and I are SUPER confused.

So, there's that. Hope you enjoy my awkward story. :P

The real post is coming along.... And it's gonna be intense!