I don't know what to do about the temple lately.
It started the first weekend of April. Friday afternoon before conference, I went up to Salt Lake with a bunch of friends to attend a session in the Salt Lake Temple, which was lovely. I hadn't been to the Salt Lake Temple since the very first time I went through, back in November 2015, so the memories were coming back strong in the best way possible.
And it was such a lovely session, and being in the celestial room with some of my favourite people in the world was incredible. I was feeling all sorts of things.
But then we had to leave. And walking out of that celestial room was almost physically painful to me. Every step away was a deep sorrow in my soul, this feeling like I was leaving something so important behind me and I wasn't going to be back for a very long time.
It was an odd feeling, and a stark contrast to the sense of home and peace and light I feel in the temple.
I... did not love it.
But I didn't dwell too much on it because then it was conference weekend and we were on Temple Square for general conference and it was so wonderful and I was so glad to be there.
But then the next time I went to the temple, it happened again. And it's been happening ever since.
This feeling has almost made me not want to go to the temple, because I don't want to feel so terrible when I leave.
It doesn't seem to matter how frequently I go. Even if I'm there weekly, I break when I leave. I try to go often, because as I said, the temple feels like home and it's light and love and peace for me. But I can't convince the feeling in my chest that I'm coming back, no matter how regularly I go.
It varies in intensity. It's worst when I'm alone. When I have a friend there, they can distract me from the pain of walking away from home again. About two months ago, I was telling my friend Maz about it, after we'd been to the temple together, struggling to explain this void that opens up in me and the way that it hurts to leave the temple.
"Sounds like there's a question you need to be asking, Rose," he said, "What is it?"
"I wish I knew..."
I've been thinking about that a lot.
About what it is that I should be asking. What I need to take to the temple to walk away without feeling like my heart is breaking, my soul is cracking open, like I'm leaving something critical behind me and I'm never coming back.
I'm not sure.
But I felt it again this week when I was there with Gyb.
And it hurts.
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Friday, August 9, 2019
Wednesday, April 10, 2019
Pontificating
General Conference was this last weekend. It was full of good shenanigans with friends and a lot of doctrine. And maybe I will talk about the shenanigans later. Because right now, I just need to get some things down.
Friday afternoon we went with the friend crew up to Salt Lake to do a session in the temple. It was a really lovely experience, but man, it had me feeling some kind of way.
I don't know how to explain it exactly. As I've gotten older and my faith has gotten deeper, I've started to see a lot more nuance in the world, and I have a lot more questions. I'll have to write more about this, but not now. But the things that I keep holding on to are that the Gods, my Heavenly Parents, are in their heavens and They know me and love me, the temple feels like home in a way that I don't have the vocabulary to describe, and that the Book of Mormon brings light into my life.
But we went through this session, and I was so glad to be there with some of the people in this world who mean the most to me, and then sitting in the celestial room, after everything, I was just... overwhelmed.
There was an ache in my soul that I can't explain.
It is a strange sort of dissonance that I feel so at home in a place that I do not understand, and when I feel like there are significant problems with the institution of the church, but o! I love the temple.
And I was remembering when I went through the temple for the very first time, with my family, and it was this temple, and I had this startlingly clear memory of watching them all come into the celestial room one by one and being so glad they were there.
I was filled with love for my family and the friends I was there with and the fact that I was there, and it drowned out my confusion somehow, and all I could think was how I wanted to be there someday with everyone I love. But the questions I have, they still existed too.
And then when we went to leave, every step I took away from the celestial room felt like knives under my feet and some gaping hole in my soul opened wider and wider with every pace.
I had the feeling I was leaving something very important behind me, and I missed it so desperately.
I have never felt that before.
And then there was general conference, that wonderful semi-annual broadcast in which we hear from the leaders of the church. And so many of the messages were wonderful, but so many hit me in ways that I didn't expect. There was almost a feeling of... exclusivity, that I have never felt before.
Maybe it's simply because I've learned a lot in the last few years, and even in the last six months, my perspective has changed.
But there were more talks than I expected to that hurt, that left me wondering about the people who didn't fit those molds exactly, comments that somehow don't seem to align with the everlasting love of the Heavenly Parents that I know.
Of five sessions, only two women spoke. I was hoping for one every session, which feels like a low bar, but somehow we can't even manage it. And something about it feels so wrong to me, that the Apostles say over and over to listen to and respect the women, and we don't get to speak.
It doesn't feel right.
And it doesn't feel right that we never talk about Heavenly Mother. She is real, too, and surely she cares.
Don't give me that, "It's out of respect."
We respect our Father.
Don't give me that, "He's protecting Her."
She doesn't need to be protected from us, her children, the mortal progeny that she helped create.
Don't give me that, "It's just the way it is, it's the revelation we've received."
Because the way it is is run by men, and don't get me started on the patriarchal order of things (which is great in some ways, but also), but the thing is is that you ask questions that you need answers to, and somehow I wonder if the men standing in to lead the church have never felt the need to see the feminine in the Divine, never felt the aching to know that they were equal.
They certainly didn't go to the temple for the first time and gasp when a man administered an ordinance, they way I did when a woman administered to me.
I feel that there is so much more we could talk about, so much we are missing, because some of the needs aren't felt as keenly by those we have at the top. (and should it even be a top, it certainly feels that way, but aren't we all to serve each other, and I know authority matters, but still, should it feel like the top)
Women matter, we are equal partners, and yet.
And yet.
Two speakers out of thirty-one. Two prayers out of ten.
And you know, last October, when we wondered where all the women were, they said it was because of the women's session. And sure, it was wonderful and uplifting, but only one woman spoke in a general session. But this session, when it was the priesthood session, there was no great influx of women in the other sessions to round it out.
Womanhood, Heavenly Mother, representation.
These are just a few of the questions I had, a few of the things that didn't sit right with me during the wonderful weekend that was the 189th Annual General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
But it's all juxtaposed against the feeling that I left something crucial behind me when I walked out of the celestial room in the Salt Lake Temple Friday night, that that place is home.
I can't let go of that feeling.
But that doesn't stop the hurt, or the questions.
Friday afternoon we went with the friend crew up to Salt Lake to do a session in the temple. It was a really lovely experience, but man, it had me feeling some kind of way.
I don't know how to explain it exactly. As I've gotten older and my faith has gotten deeper, I've started to see a lot more nuance in the world, and I have a lot more questions. I'll have to write more about this, but not now. But the things that I keep holding on to are that the Gods, my Heavenly Parents, are in their heavens and They know me and love me, the temple feels like home in a way that I don't have the vocabulary to describe, and that the Book of Mormon brings light into my life.
But we went through this session, and I was so glad to be there with some of the people in this world who mean the most to me, and then sitting in the celestial room, after everything, I was just... overwhelmed.
There was an ache in my soul that I can't explain.
It is a strange sort of dissonance that I feel so at home in a place that I do not understand, and when I feel like there are significant problems with the institution of the church, but o! I love the temple.
And I was remembering when I went through the temple for the very first time, with my family, and it was this temple, and I had this startlingly clear memory of watching them all come into the celestial room one by one and being so glad they were there.
I was filled with love for my family and the friends I was there with and the fact that I was there, and it drowned out my confusion somehow, and all I could think was how I wanted to be there someday with everyone I love. But the questions I have, they still existed too.
And then when we went to leave, every step I took away from the celestial room felt like knives under my feet and some gaping hole in my soul opened wider and wider with every pace.
I had the feeling I was leaving something very important behind me, and I missed it so desperately.
I have never felt that before.
And then there was general conference, that wonderful semi-annual broadcast in which we hear from the leaders of the church. And so many of the messages were wonderful, but so many hit me in ways that I didn't expect. There was almost a feeling of... exclusivity, that I have never felt before.
Maybe it's simply because I've learned a lot in the last few years, and even in the last six months, my perspective has changed.
But there were more talks than I expected to that hurt, that left me wondering about the people who didn't fit those molds exactly, comments that somehow don't seem to align with the everlasting love of the Heavenly Parents that I know.
Of five sessions, only two women spoke. I was hoping for one every session, which feels like a low bar, but somehow we can't even manage it. And something about it feels so wrong to me, that the Apostles say over and over to listen to and respect the women, and we don't get to speak.
It doesn't feel right.
And it doesn't feel right that we never talk about Heavenly Mother. She is real, too, and surely she cares.
Don't give me that, "It's out of respect."
We respect our Father.
Don't give me that, "He's protecting Her."
She doesn't need to be protected from us, her children, the mortal progeny that she helped create.
Don't give me that, "It's just the way it is, it's the revelation we've received."
Because the way it is is run by men, and don't get me started on the patriarchal order of things (which is great in some ways, but also), but the thing is is that you ask questions that you need answers to, and somehow I wonder if the men standing in to lead the church have never felt the need to see the feminine in the Divine, never felt the aching to know that they were equal.
They certainly didn't go to the temple for the first time and gasp when a man administered an ordinance, they way I did when a woman administered to me.
I feel that there is so much more we could talk about, so much we are missing, because some of the needs aren't felt as keenly by those we have at the top. (and should it even be a top, it certainly feels that way, but aren't we all to serve each other, and I know authority matters, but still, should it feel like the top)
Women matter, we are equal partners, and yet.
And yet.
Two speakers out of thirty-one. Two prayers out of ten.
And you know, last October, when we wondered where all the women were, they said it was because of the women's session. And sure, it was wonderful and uplifting, but only one woman spoke in a general session. But this session, when it was the priesthood session, there was no great influx of women in the other sessions to round it out.
Womanhood, Heavenly Mother, representation.
These are just a few of the questions I had, a few of the things that didn't sit right with me during the wonderful weekend that was the 189th Annual General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
But it's all juxtaposed against the feeling that I left something crucial behind me when I walked out of the celestial room in the Salt Lake Temple Friday night, that that place is home.
I can't let go of that feeling.
But that doesn't stop the hurt, or the questions.
Monday, April 9, 2018
Annnnnnnd I'm Back
How many times am I going to post about how bad at this I am?
These last few months have been rough. I haven't been motivated to do anything. I have been falling behind in all my classes. I haven't been reading my scriptures. I sleep through sacrament meeting. I will blame that on the time (1:30 is naptime, okay?). I haven't wanted to do ANYTHING.
But I am doing better.
I've been praying. I've been trying to come back.
And conference happened and it was amazing. And then I wrote this poem for this project for my religion class, and reading it back over, it hit me to the heart that this is true and that I'm where I ought to be.
I still have a lot of work to do. But I'm happier than I have been in a long time. So, for your enjoyment, nonexistent readers, here is this poem I wrote that is currently everything to me. It's not a good poem, technically. It's not well-executed and the metre is a disaster. But it's everything to me.
It's all true. And God loves me.
Truth
Look at these truths that I know
All that has been restored
Now in these latter days
In the glory of the Lord
There's much I don't understand
And much that I've yet to learn
But firm in this faith I stand
As I feel my spirit burn
I know that God exists
Because a young man said a prayer
And in a brilliant answer
God and His Son were there
I know that God exists
I've seen His hand in my life
And when I needed help
He saved me every single time
I know about my Saviour
Of His mission and His life
And the plan of salvation
That sets everything aright
I know about my Saviour
From the Book of Mormon's words
That He came to all His people
Here and on other worlds
I've learned of the atonement
Of salvation and of grace
I cannot comprehend them
But I know that they're in place
That through Christ's great atonement
Comes salvation through God's grace
And that one day, the plan fulfilled
I'll see Him face to face
And it will not be a meeting
Between some unknown god and me
But instead come with the feeling
That I'm where I'm meant to be
For when I say Heavenly Father
These last few months have been rough. I haven't been motivated to do anything. I have been falling behind in all my classes. I haven't been reading my scriptures. I sleep through sacrament meeting. I will blame that on the time (1:30 is naptime, okay?). I haven't wanted to do ANYTHING.
But I am doing better.
I've been praying. I've been trying to come back.
And conference happened and it was amazing. And then I wrote this poem for this project for my religion class, and reading it back over, it hit me to the heart that this is true and that I'm where I ought to be.
I still have a lot of work to do. But I'm happier than I have been in a long time. So, for your enjoyment, nonexistent readers, here is this poem I wrote that is currently everything to me. It's not a good poem, technically. It's not well-executed and the metre is a disaster. But it's everything to me.
It's all true. And God loves me.
Truth
Look at these truths that I know
All that has been restored
Now in these latter days
In the glory of the Lord
There's much I don't understand
And much that I've yet to learn
But firm in this faith I stand
As I feel my spirit burn
I know that God exists
Because a young man said a prayer
And in a brilliant answer
God and His Son were there
I know that God exists
I've seen His hand in my life
And when I needed help
He saved me every single time
I know about my Saviour
Of His mission and His life
And the plan of salvation
That sets everything aright
I know about my Saviour
From the Book of Mormon's words
That He came to all His people
Here and on other worlds
I've learned of the atonement
Of salvation and of grace
I cannot comprehend them
But I know that they're in place
That through Christ's great atonement
Comes salvation through God's grace
And that one day, the plan fulfilled
I'll see Him face to face
And it will not be a meeting
Between some unknown god and me
But instead come with the feeling
That I'm where I'm meant to be
For when I say Heavenly Father
The words are literal and true
I know that I'm His daughter
This was restored too
A child of the
divine
In a family eternal
Because the bonds that we make here on earth
Are far more than superficial
This truth came
through the prophet
Through that young man who had prayed
Who was called to lay the foundation
Of this work in these last days
It's through God's
holy priesthood
Eternal promises are sealed
On the Susquehannah and in Kirtland
These keys were once again revealed
The authority to
baptise
Heal the sick and
raise the dead
To call down blessings from on high
Is on the earth again
And the authority
to bind
On earth and in
heaven
To seal families for all time
O wondrous truth is given!
And all these
things I know
And I know what I
one day will see
A child of Heavenly Parents
As they are, I too will be
So many truths
restored
Since that day in 1820
All that means so much to me
What shapes my eternity
And I know all of
this is true
Although I wasn't there
Because I have felt my spirit burning
Because God has heard my prayer
Friday, October 13, 2017
Weeks Went By Like What
Ok, so a lot of stuff has gone down these last two weeks and I need to get it all down.
First off, I feel like I've discovered one of my reasons for being here at BYU, which means a lot to me. Last Thursday morning, the university sent out an email telling everyone about a lecture by an almuna, Liz Shropshire. Billed as "Teaching Children Peace Through Music: The Life-Changing Impact of Music Education for Children in War Zones", the lecture was supposed to "details Shropshire's work in refugee camps and communities across Syria, Northern Ireland, and Uganda."
I went on a total whim. Music education is what I want to do. Refugees are people, incredible resilient people with heartbreaking stories, and I was interested. And what I heard changed me.
Liz went to Kosovo on a relief trip in 1999, and raised money to bring instruments to give to the children, just pennywhistles and harmonicas. She taught these kids music and then knew that she had to keep coming back. So she started a non-profit organisation, and then established a program in Kosovo, and eventually it grew to the point where it's run entirely by Kosovo youth volunteers and runs all year and Liz only goes to check up.
She expanded out to Northern Ireland, Uganda, and most recently to Greece. She told stories of children who came into her programs looking broken and helpless, who suffered from screaming nightmares, who found solace in their music. They keep their instruments on them all the time and they play and sing all the time. The smiles start. The nightmares stop. And the youth learn they can make a difference, learn leadership, and love serving the children. It's a win for everyone.
Her website, Teaching Peace Through Music, explains a lot more about them. I'll share an excerpt:
I was honestly so blown away by this lecture, and the follow-up Q&A session the next day. We're hoping to start an official club here at the university, and possibly to start working with refugees in Salt Lake and Provo, using her program. And I haven't felt this excited or this right about anything since I got my mission call and on my mission. I know, without a doubt, that this is something I have to be a part of. For how long, I'll see, but I'm sure I am here right now so I could hear about this.
God guides us, truly.
But wait, there's more. September was not a good month for me, in terms of motivation and spirituality and life. So on Sunday, I fasted for the strength to accomplish and overcome everything that stood before me.
Diving foreshadowing. On Sunday night, my parents told my siblings and I that my dad has lost his job. The mine did some rearrangin' and his position didn't make the cut. Enter period of uncertainty for us.
But I have faced this week confident in the fact that God will watch over us and guide my daddy to the next place he's supposed to be and that it will all turn out ok. And I attribute much of my serenity to the fast on Sunday.
God is giving me strength.
I'm also suffering from an intense renewed desire to do my schoolwork and earn scholarships and make as little stress for my parents as possible, which is a good thing.
Had an incredible Book of Mormon class again in which our teacher talked about how important it is to make sure that we talk about Heavenly Father- sometimes in the Church, we as members talk about Christ so much that we never mention our Father in Heaven. And if Christ were here, well, what would He say about that? The whole plan comes back to our Father, His love for us, the fact that we can be with Him again.
And it was simultaneously a super uplifting and very validating moment for me, because I had noticed this tendency, especially on my mission, and I tried so hard not to do this. Because my relationship with Heavenly Father means everything to me, knowing that I am His daughter helps me understand my purpose, and I can't wait to be with Him again.
God knows me, and He loves me.
Also, it was my mom's birthday yesterday.
And the finally, today. I have a job working as a custodian at the MTC, and today I was working on something when two elders came up to me and asked if they could share a short message with me. Of course, I agreed.
They read me Doctrine and Covenants 19:16-18.
And they asked me how knowing someone cared that much for me would impact me. I told them, truthfully, it would make me want to do what that person wanted, and to do what was best.
And then these two sweet, terrifiedly nervous elders, bore sincere and powerful testimony that God loves me that much, that He knows me and watches over me and will take care of me.
And I needed to hear it. I so did.
And to top it all off, I went to the temple with a couple of friends/coworkers, and I just got back and sat down to write this post because WOW.
I haven't been since the start of September, and it was so sweet to be in the House of the Lord. Every time I am there, I feel like I am home. I so needed to be there today.
I have so much to learn. But there is so much that I love about the temple. And the sweetest moment was sitting in the celestial room, pondering, and the hymn, O My Father came to mind. I sang through the whole thing, reveling in the beauty of the words. And especially the first and fourth verses.
I mean, I was thinking it in German, but the overall effect is the same.
I am overwhelmed by God's love and awareness of me, and by the glory of the fact that I can return to live with Him again.
Today was a perfect day. :)
First off, I feel like I've discovered one of my reasons for being here at BYU, which means a lot to me. Last Thursday morning, the university sent out an email telling everyone about a lecture by an almuna, Liz Shropshire. Billed as "Teaching Children Peace Through Music: The Life-Changing Impact of Music Education for Children in War Zones", the lecture was supposed to "details Shropshire's work in refugee camps and communities across Syria, Northern Ireland, and Uganda."
I went on a total whim. Music education is what I want to do. Refugees are people, incredible resilient people with heartbreaking stories, and I was interested. And what I heard changed me.
Liz went to Kosovo on a relief trip in 1999, and raised money to bring instruments to give to the children, just pennywhistles and harmonicas. She taught these kids music and then knew that she had to keep coming back. So she started a non-profit organisation, and then established a program in Kosovo, and eventually it grew to the point where it's run entirely by Kosovo youth volunteers and runs all year and Liz only goes to check up.
She expanded out to Northern Ireland, Uganda, and most recently to Greece. She told stories of children who came into her programs looking broken and helpless, who suffered from screaming nightmares, who found solace in their music. They keep their instruments on them all the time and they play and sing all the time. The smiles start. The nightmares stop. And the youth learn they can make a difference, learn leadership, and love serving the children. It's a win for everyone.
Her website, Teaching Peace Through Music, explains a lot more about them. I'll share an excerpt:
The Shropshire Music Foundation develops youth leadership and capacity for peacemaking and problem-solving in global conflict zones through the establishment of locally-run, youth-led music education programs. These programs provide local children opportunities for education, trauma relief, expression, and creativity and local teenagers opportunities to develop leadership, teaching, and expressive skills, to become role models in their communities, to access broader opportunities for education, and to reduce vulnerability to extremist group participation.
The Shropshire Music Foundation provides free musical instruments and instruction to former child soldiers and refugees in some of the world’s most war-torn locations: Uganda, Kosovo, Northern Ireland, and Syrian Refugee Centers. Since 1999, we have taught more than 17,000 young people that through music they can bring healing, hope, and peace to their communities.
I was honestly so blown away by this lecture, and the follow-up Q&A session the next day. We're hoping to start an official club here at the university, and possibly to start working with refugees in Salt Lake and Provo, using her program. And I haven't felt this excited or this right about anything since I got my mission call and on my mission. I know, without a doubt, that this is something I have to be a part of. For how long, I'll see, but I'm sure I am here right now so I could hear about this.
God guides us, truly.
But wait, there's more. September was not a good month for me, in terms of motivation and spirituality and life. So on Sunday, I fasted for the strength to accomplish and overcome everything that stood before me.
Diving foreshadowing. On Sunday night, my parents told my siblings and I that my dad has lost his job. The mine did some rearrangin' and his position didn't make the cut. Enter period of uncertainty for us.
But I have faced this week confident in the fact that God will watch over us and guide my daddy to the next place he's supposed to be and that it will all turn out ok. And I attribute much of my serenity to the fast on Sunday.
God is giving me strength.
I'm also suffering from an intense renewed desire to do my schoolwork and earn scholarships and make as little stress for my parents as possible, which is a good thing.
Had an incredible Book of Mormon class again in which our teacher talked about how important it is to make sure that we talk about Heavenly Father- sometimes in the Church, we as members talk about Christ so much that we never mention our Father in Heaven. And if Christ were here, well, what would He say about that? The whole plan comes back to our Father, His love for us, the fact that we can be with Him again.
And it was simultaneously a super uplifting and very validating moment for me, because I had noticed this tendency, especially on my mission, and I tried so hard not to do this. Because my relationship with Heavenly Father means everything to me, knowing that I am His daughter helps me understand my purpose, and I can't wait to be with Him again.
God knows me, and He loves me.
Also, it was my mom's birthday yesterday.
And the finally, today. I have a job working as a custodian at the MTC, and today I was working on something when two elders came up to me and asked if they could share a short message with me. Of course, I agreed.
They read me Doctrine and Covenants 19:16-18.
For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent;
But if they would not repent they must suffer even as I;
Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit—and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink—
And they asked me how knowing someone cared that much for me would impact me. I told them, truthfully, it would make me want to do what that person wanted, and to do what was best.
And then these two sweet, terrifiedly nervous elders, bore sincere and powerful testimony that God loves me that much, that He knows me and watches over me and will take care of me.
And I needed to hear it. I so did.
And to top it all off, I went to the temple with a couple of friends/coworkers, and I just got back and sat down to write this post because WOW.
I haven't been since the start of September, and it was so sweet to be in the House of the Lord. Every time I am there, I feel like I am home. I so needed to be there today.
I have so much to learn. But there is so much that I love about the temple. And the sweetest moment was sitting in the celestial room, pondering, and the hymn, O My Father came to mind. I sang through the whole thing, reveling in the beauty of the words. And especially the first and fourth verses.
O my Father, thou that dwellest
In the high and glorious place,
When shall I regain thy presence
And again behold thy face?
In thy holy habitation,
Did my spirit once reside?
In my first primeval childhood
Was I nurtured near thy side?
In the heav’ns are parents single?
No, the thought makes reason stare!
Truth is reason; truth eternal
Tells me I’ve a mother there.
When I leave this frail existence,
When I lay this mortal by,
Father, Mother, may I meet you
In your royal courts on high?
Then, at length, when I’ve completed
All you sent me forth to do,
With your mutual approbation
Let me come and dwell with you.
I mean, I was thinking it in German, but the overall effect is the same.
I am overwhelmed by God's love and awareness of me, and by the glory of the fact that I can return to live with Him again.
Today was a perfect day. :)
Wednesday, September 27, 2017
Work on the Roots
I swear, I should not be writing this post right now, because I have a class in 40 minutes that I still need to finish up some reading for, but I just really need to organise my thoughts because
HOLY COW WOW
So I'm at university, and I might as well clarify that it is indeed Brigham Young University, which is a private school owned by my church that is, naturally, very religious. Also, it means I get to see these mountains all the time:
But anyhow. I'm taking a Teaching and Doctrine of the Book of Mormon class, and every time I walk out of there, I'm just in awe at how much I've learned. I am not ignorant when it comes to the Book of Mormon- I've read it multiple times in two languages, and while I'm still learning, I do know much of the doctrine and many of the overarching themes. And it continually astounds me for its beauty and simplicity and all that I can learn, every time I open it.
So today, in this class we discussed Jacob 5. A chapter that is jokingly dreaded as the longest chapter in the book, 77 whole verses. A chapter that is written in an Isaiah-like style, that we as a culture often struggle to understand. Zenos' allegory of the olive tree.
Basically, Zenos likens the House of Israel unto an olive tree, and goes on to explain the history, and prophesy the future, of God's people. Very Old Testament, Abrahamic covenant style here.
And I actually really love this chapter already, for all it teaches us of the nature of God: His patience and long-suffering with us, His diligence in our salvation, the fact that He weeps, grieving, should He lose any of His children. There is so much wonderful insight into His character in this chapter, as we read the narrative of His dealings with His covenant children.
But my teacher, Brother Griffin, took it a step past that. He encouraged us to think in the Hebrew style, and find more layers of symbolism in these teachings. And he compared it all to us.
Suddenly, the pruning of the olive tree was God giving me trials and guidance, things that are hard, but that I need. The digging and nourishing was Him preparing me for, and then giving me, blessings. And grafting was His hand guiding people and experiences that I need into my life.
It all hit me in a way it never had before.
But it got deeper later, as we spoke of the time when the branches that were grafted in overwhelmed the roots of the tree, and it brought forth evil fruit (Jacob 5:48). I had already thought of this passage as a warning against personal pride, loftiness, which will strangle out righteousness.
But it goes deeper. Brother Griffin talked about how, sometimes, before we can grow or stretch more, we need to work on our core, our roots. We need to be stronger, more steady, more ready to take on extra weight or added growth. He related that to our personal lives and also to the growth of the church as a whole. He said we're in a slow growth time- and that's ok, because trees don't grow the same amount every year. But he also said that it means that we need to work on the roots, on us. And as I thought about my mission, my eighteen month labour of love complete with one baptism, I could see how that was true. And this moment struck me.
Because I worked hard. I did. I wasn't perfect, but I tried to do what was right. And every city I worked in was a constant struggle to find people to teach, and to try to improve relationships with the members and to get them involved in missionary work. And twice, when I left an area, in the following transfers there was growth and success, baptisms. And I struggled with that, comparing myself to the other missionaries, wondering why I never saw results like that. Towards the end of my mission, I started to appreciate what a work I had done in building member relations and preparing the way for the next missionaries.
But in class today, as Brother Griffin spoke about nourishing the roots, I was overcome by my feelings, knowing how much time I've spent doing just that. And in contemplation, I realise that I feel more ok about it now than I ever did in the field, more open to the fact that I did work. Somehow, it hit me that it was ok, and important.
And also, that I have a lot of work to do on my own roots. I'm not in my best place right now, spiritually, academically, in terms of motivation and sticktuitiveness. And I felt sharply, how far I have to go. But I am so looking forward to Gerneral Conference this weekend, to help me find some of the guidance I need. And I am ready to work on my roots, so that when the growth comes, I am ready to bear the burdens God asks me to.
It's going to be a good year.
HOLY COW WOW
So I'm at university, and I might as well clarify that it is indeed Brigham Young University, which is a private school owned by my church that is, naturally, very religious. Also, it means I get to see these mountains all the time:
But anyhow. I'm taking a Teaching and Doctrine of the Book of Mormon class, and every time I walk out of there, I'm just in awe at how much I've learned. I am not ignorant when it comes to the Book of Mormon- I've read it multiple times in two languages, and while I'm still learning, I do know much of the doctrine and many of the overarching themes. And it continually astounds me for its beauty and simplicity and all that I can learn, every time I open it.
So today, in this class we discussed Jacob 5. A chapter that is jokingly dreaded as the longest chapter in the book, 77 whole verses. A chapter that is written in an Isaiah-like style, that we as a culture often struggle to understand. Zenos' allegory of the olive tree.
Basically, Zenos likens the House of Israel unto an olive tree, and goes on to explain the history, and prophesy the future, of God's people. Very Old Testament, Abrahamic covenant style here.
And I actually really love this chapter already, for all it teaches us of the nature of God: His patience and long-suffering with us, His diligence in our salvation, the fact that He weeps, grieving, should He lose any of His children. There is so much wonderful insight into His character in this chapter, as we read the narrative of His dealings with His covenant children.
But my teacher, Brother Griffin, took it a step past that. He encouraged us to think in the Hebrew style, and find more layers of symbolism in these teachings. And he compared it all to us.
Suddenly, the pruning of the olive tree was God giving me trials and guidance, things that are hard, but that I need. The digging and nourishing was Him preparing me for, and then giving me, blessings. And grafting was His hand guiding people and experiences that I need into my life.
It all hit me in a way it never had before.
But it got deeper later, as we spoke of the time when the branches that were grafted in overwhelmed the roots of the tree, and it brought forth evil fruit (Jacob 5:48). I had already thought of this passage as a warning against personal pride, loftiness, which will strangle out righteousness.
But it goes deeper. Brother Griffin talked about how, sometimes, before we can grow or stretch more, we need to work on our core, our roots. We need to be stronger, more steady, more ready to take on extra weight or added growth. He related that to our personal lives and also to the growth of the church as a whole. He said we're in a slow growth time- and that's ok, because trees don't grow the same amount every year. But he also said that it means that we need to work on the roots, on us. And as I thought about my mission, my eighteen month labour of love complete with one baptism, I could see how that was true. And this moment struck me.
Because I worked hard. I did. I wasn't perfect, but I tried to do what was right. And every city I worked in was a constant struggle to find people to teach, and to try to improve relationships with the members and to get them involved in missionary work. And twice, when I left an area, in the following transfers there was growth and success, baptisms. And I struggled with that, comparing myself to the other missionaries, wondering why I never saw results like that. Towards the end of my mission, I started to appreciate what a work I had done in building member relations and preparing the way for the next missionaries.
But in class today, as Brother Griffin spoke about nourishing the roots, I was overcome by my feelings, knowing how much time I've spent doing just that. And in contemplation, I realise that I feel more ok about it now than I ever did in the field, more open to the fact that I did work. Somehow, it hit me that it was ok, and important.
And also, that I have a lot of work to do on my own roots. I'm not in my best place right now, spiritually, academically, in terms of motivation and sticktuitiveness. And I felt sharply, how far I have to go. But I am so looking forward to Gerneral Conference this weekend, to help me find some of the guidance I need. And I am ready to work on my roots, so that when the growth comes, I am ready to bear the burdens God asks me to.
It's going to be a good year.
Tuesday, October 6, 2015
Making Words Matter
Right, I'm finally posting this. Because it's still important.
So, I was asked to speak back in June (on the 14th, actually), along with my friend Kys, who also just graduated. Our topic was broad- "How did seminary and high school change your life/what did you learn from them?" Yeah. HUGE. And we both thought a lot about it... But neither of us wrote anything down.
I get up on the stand that morning, and Kys says, "I have it all in my head."
"Oh, me too. I'm just writing down my five main points, just in case." Because I'd pulled out a pen and a paper, and that's what I was doing.
"Ooo, that's a good idea!" So Kys pulled out her cell phone and made a note with her five main points. (Yes, we both had five. FACT.)
So, I walked up to speak with my five points, two of which were these:
It's okay to not know the answer.
God knows you and loves you individually.
Everything I talked about was significant to me, but those two especially. Here's why:
It's okay to not know the answer! Sometimes, you run across questions in the Gospel, doctrines you're not sure on, and sometimes things won't seem to make sense, even if you pray and ponder and do everything else. And that's ALRIGHT. It doesn't mean God isn't answering you... Sometimes it means you aren't ready for the answer yet, and sometimes it means that you'll never get the answer. And that's okay. Even Christ doesn't know everything! And if there are some things that we won't know in this life, that is alright.
And this is something I struggled with, all through high school. It was frustrating to me to not get answers, or to feel like I wasn't being heard. It made me wonder if I was doing something wrong, and sometimes it was a huge test of my faith. But I realised this year that it's ok to not know EVERYTHING. It's ok to just say, "I don't know," and lean on my faith in God. That was HUGE for me.
God knows you and loves you individually. This is SO. IMPORTANT. There will be times in your life when you may feel like you don't have any friends, or no one understands you, or maybe you're not getting along with your family. It will be hard. BUT. The most powerful person in this universe is on your side, in your corner, and He will never let you down.
And I told this story that had a huge effect on my testimony of this (which actually occurred over a year ago, from when I'm posting this. any comments I didn't originally share will be in green, everything else will be verbatim just as I said it then).
"This fall (2014), I had the opportunity to be one of the drum majors for the high school marching band, something that I've wanted to do for a long time. While it was an amazing experience, and I learned a lot, it was also one of the most challenging things I have ever done. We had a new band director this year (2014-15), because our other director retired at the end of last year (2013-14), and that added to the challenges. The band, as a whole, was getting used to a new director, and pushing limits, and it was frustrating to deal with.
"There was one particular football game (Sep 19, 2014) that was incredibly difficult. It was a pile up of a lot of things, but I basically felt like I wasn't fulfilling my obligations, and that I could do a better job, and I was so frustrated with the way the whole band was acting, and I just didn't know what to do about. The other drum major (Rle!) and I ended up in tears for the whole second half of the game, and cried for a long while after it. We felt awful.
"But the next day (Sep 20), we had a youth temple trip to do baptisms at the Salt Lake Temple. We had a ward devotional in the baptistry chapel, BishopB talked about how it doesn't matter where you were yesterday, or what other people think, or what challenges you're having- and I just started to cry- because we're in the temple now, and none of it matters here.
"And I just kept crying, waiting to do baptisms, getting confirmed. I think I scared a couple of our Beehives, because it was their first time doing baptisms, and I just bawled the whole time. But I was crying because I just felt this overwhelming sense of peace and love. I could feel the Spirit confirming that I am a daughter of God, that He knows me, and that if I kept doing my best to fulfill my obligations and to keep His commandments, that I was going to be okay. That feeling of peace and love stayed with me that whole day.
"The next day, Sunday (Sep 21), I asked my dad for a father's blessing. Despite the fact that I felt much better after being in the temple, I was still dreading going to band the next day. So my dad, without knowing what I had felt in the temple, gave me a blessing- in which he said all the same things. Again, I felt that feeling of love and peace.
"And, that night, my mom gave me a letter, saying she had felt impressed to write me a note. She had been out of town that weekend, and didn't know that I had been upset, or why I wanted the father's blessing when I asked for it, but this letter talked about what a valuable daughter of God I am, and how she's so proud of me, and other things.
"Although that football game was an awful experience, the witness of God's love for me that I received because of it is incredible. Maybe, in the eternal scheme of things, being the drum major of the marching band doesn't matter that much. But it was important to me, and because (and here I started to cry while giving the talk) I matter to God, it was important to Him."
And I know that it is true that God knows each of us individually, and that he will support us.
This point was my closing point, and I kept crying while I bore my testimony of the Gospel and Christ and the Book of Mormon. But I felt really good about my talk.
Then, later that day, one of my friends texted me- a kid in my ward who's been in band and choir with me, and who'll be a junior this year. This is how that conversation went:
Him: [My name] your talk today was so awesome! It was so inspiring and amazing. Thank you for always being such a good example to me and helping me to remember who I am. I'm so happy we got to know each other of the course of the past couple of years. It really has been awesome. I'm so excited to watch you continue to grow and become a better and more amazing person.
I cried. I was so worried about my talk, and knowing that it had impacted someone, especially one of the other youth, really meant the world to me.
Me: Thank you so much, [his name]! That really means a lot to me, cuz I was really nervous about this talk and it I'd be able to say everything I needed to. And I'm glad I know you too. You're a great kid! ^_^
Him: You didn't even seem nervous at all it was so great and made my day! Thank you.
Me: Haha thanks! But seriously that means so much to me.
Him: You are welcome!
And it seriously was the hugest thing to me, knowing that my words mattered. It was amazing. I was so worry about the talk, and if I'd be able to say something that would matter, and that I'd be guided by the Spirit. And something mattered to my friend. And that means so much to me.
So, I was asked to speak back in June (on the 14th, actually), along with my friend Kys, who also just graduated. Our topic was broad- "How did seminary and high school change your life/what did you learn from them?" Yeah. HUGE. And we both thought a lot about it... But neither of us wrote anything down.
I get up on the stand that morning, and Kys says, "I have it all in my head."
"Oh, me too. I'm just writing down my five main points, just in case." Because I'd pulled out a pen and a paper, and that's what I was doing.
"Ooo, that's a good idea!" So Kys pulled out her cell phone and made a note with her five main points. (Yes, we both had five. FACT.)
So, I walked up to speak with my five points, two of which were these:
It's okay to not know the answer.
God knows you and loves you individually.
Everything I talked about was significant to me, but those two especially. Here's why:
It's okay to not know the answer! Sometimes, you run across questions in the Gospel, doctrines you're not sure on, and sometimes things won't seem to make sense, even if you pray and ponder and do everything else. And that's ALRIGHT. It doesn't mean God isn't answering you... Sometimes it means you aren't ready for the answer yet, and sometimes it means that you'll never get the answer. And that's okay. Even Christ doesn't know everything! And if there are some things that we won't know in this life, that is alright.
And this is something I struggled with, all through high school. It was frustrating to me to not get answers, or to feel like I wasn't being heard. It made me wonder if I was doing something wrong, and sometimes it was a huge test of my faith. But I realised this year that it's ok to not know EVERYTHING. It's ok to just say, "I don't know," and lean on my faith in God. That was HUGE for me.
God knows you and loves you individually. This is SO. IMPORTANT. There will be times in your life when you may feel like you don't have any friends, or no one understands you, or maybe you're not getting along with your family. It will be hard. BUT. The most powerful person in this universe is on your side, in your corner, and He will never let you down.
And I told this story that had a huge effect on my testimony of this (which actually occurred over a year ago, from when I'm posting this. any comments I didn't originally share will be in green, everything else will be verbatim just as I said it then).
"This fall (2014), I had the opportunity to be one of the drum majors for the high school marching band, something that I've wanted to do for a long time. While it was an amazing experience, and I learned a lot, it was also one of the most challenging things I have ever done. We had a new band director this year (2014-15), because our other director retired at the end of last year (2013-14), and that added to the challenges. The band, as a whole, was getting used to a new director, and pushing limits, and it was frustrating to deal with.
"There was one particular football game (Sep 19, 2014) that was incredibly difficult. It was a pile up of a lot of things, but I basically felt like I wasn't fulfilling my obligations, and that I could do a better job, and I was so frustrated with the way the whole band was acting, and I just didn't know what to do about. The other drum major (Rle!) and I ended up in tears for the whole second half of the game, and cried for a long while after it. We felt awful.
"But the next day (Sep 20), we had a youth temple trip to do baptisms at the Salt Lake Temple. We had a ward devotional in the baptistry chapel, BishopB talked about how it doesn't matter where you were yesterday, or what other people think, or what challenges you're having- and I just started to cry- because we're in the temple now, and none of it matters here.
"And I just kept crying, waiting to do baptisms, getting confirmed. I think I scared a couple of our Beehives, because it was their first time doing baptisms, and I just bawled the whole time. But I was crying because I just felt this overwhelming sense of peace and love. I could feel the Spirit confirming that I am a daughter of God, that He knows me, and that if I kept doing my best to fulfill my obligations and to keep His commandments, that I was going to be okay. That feeling of peace and love stayed with me that whole day.
"The next day, Sunday (Sep 21), I asked my dad for a father's blessing. Despite the fact that I felt much better after being in the temple, I was still dreading going to band the next day. So my dad, without knowing what I had felt in the temple, gave me a blessing- in which he said all the same things. Again, I felt that feeling of love and peace.
"And, that night, my mom gave me a letter, saying she had felt impressed to write me a note. She had been out of town that weekend, and didn't know that I had been upset, or why I wanted the father's blessing when I asked for it, but this letter talked about what a valuable daughter of God I am, and how she's so proud of me, and other things.
"Although that football game was an awful experience, the witness of God's love for me that I received because of it is incredible. Maybe, in the eternal scheme of things, being the drum major of the marching band doesn't matter that much. But it was important to me, and because (and here I started to cry while giving the talk) I matter to God, it was important to Him."
And I know that it is true that God knows each of us individually, and that he will support us.
This point was my closing point, and I kept crying while I bore my testimony of the Gospel and Christ and the Book of Mormon. But I felt really good about my talk.
Then, later that day, one of my friends texted me- a kid in my ward who's been in band and choir with me, and who'll be a junior this year. This is how that conversation went:
Him: [My name] your talk today was so awesome! It was so inspiring and amazing. Thank you for always being such a good example to me and helping me to remember who I am. I'm so happy we got to know each other of the course of the past couple of years. It really has been awesome. I'm so excited to watch you continue to grow and become a better and more amazing person.
I cried. I was so worried about my talk, and knowing that it had impacted someone, especially one of the other youth, really meant the world to me.
Me: Thank you so much, [his name]! That really means a lot to me, cuz I was really nervous about this talk and it I'd be able to say everything I needed to. And I'm glad I know you too. You're a great kid! ^_^
Him: You didn't even seem nervous at all it was so great and made my day! Thank you.
Me: Haha thanks! But seriously that means so much to me.
Him: You are welcome!
And it seriously was the hugest thing to me, knowing that my words mattered. It was amazing. I was so worry about the talk, and if I'd be able to say something that would matter, and that I'd be guided by the Spirit. And something mattered to my friend. And that means so much to me.
Monday, June 1, 2015
Class of 2015
Here we are. The class of 2015!
Okay, not what you think. This is the graduating class from seminary from the two stakes in my area. We're missing a few people who were out of town tonight, and one who's already on his mission (whoa!), but that's us. Aren't we cute?
So, we graduated seminary. And ten of us, five from each stake, graduated with four years of honors, meaning that each year we:
- read the book,
- memorised all 25 scripture masteries,
- passed a scripture mastery test, and
- had at least 75% attendance
But anyhow... Honestly, I just have to talk about seminary. Seminary is the single greatest thing EVER. We do early morning here in Myneton, and it's the BEST way to start the day! Waking up early to make it by 6:15 isn't easy, but it is definitely worth it. Feeling the Spirit so strongly first thing is AWESOME.
Seminary has been such a blessing to me over the last four years of my life, and I am so sad that it's over. When I went through hard times with my faith, and I doubted and wondered, the answers I needed often came at seminary, in the lesson, or the devotional, or the hymns we sang. And that is incredible. Seminary did so much to strengthen my testimony of this gospel, of Christ and His atonement.
My freshman year we studied the Old Testament, sophomore year we studied the New Testament, last year we studied the Book of Mormon, and this year we did Doctrine and Covenants/Church History. And what a year it was!
I put a lot of effort into seminary this year, and what I got out was incredible. I journalled a whole bunch too, so later, I'll remember it all. And I just want to talk about it.
I know Joseph Smith was a true prophet of God, and that he was chosen to restore Christ's church in modern times.
I know that the priesthood, the power and authority to act for God, has been restored to the earth, and that our priesthood holders can exercise this power for the benefit of everyone.
I know that families can be together forever, and that is why temples and family history work are so important!
I know that trials will make you stronger, and that the Lord knows what He is doing when He asks you to do hard things.
I know that Christ lived and died for each one of us, and that through His atoning sacrifice, we can make it back to live with our Father in Heaven.
I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is Christ's true church upon the earth today, and that it is the only church with 100% of the Gospel.
And I know that God knows me personally.
And I didn't learn all of this for the first time this year in seminary. But seminary strengthened my testimony immensely. And I am so grateful for it.
Monday, May 11, 2015
Eternity
This Saturday, I had the opportunity to go to the Payson Utah Temple open house with my favourite people in the world- my family!
So, it was me, my little sister, my little brother, Dad, Mom, GrandmaH, GrandpaH, AuntJo, UncleRo, Rip, Zap, and Taw. Kad and Cad would have been there, but one of Kad's best friends was getting married... So they opted out.
But ANYHOW. The Payson temple is absolutely gorgeous- I mean, they all are, but Zap and I walked into the first ordinance room, and our jaws just dropped. It was LOVELY. We basically were just slack-jawed through the whole thing.
And the funny thing is, we've gone to temple open houses before- with Dad's side of the family, we've been to the Oquirrh Mountain, Brigham City, Ogden, Draper... And a few more. So we've seen temples before.
But we're always blown away by how lovely they are.
And not only that, but there is this incredible feeling of peace and love- the strongest presence of the Spirit, and in a temple that isn't even dedicated yet! It's wonderful.
And I love temple open houses- because it's such a brilliant promise for the future, for the eternity that can come.
Walking through the Payson temple Saturday night, all I could think was, "This is where eternity starts."
And it's true.
I can't wait for my turn to go through the temple, and someday to be sealed there, to start my own eternity with my husband.
And of course, when eternity finally gets here, I know that I want my whole family there with me- because I can't picture myself without them.
The temple is seriously the greatest thing ever.
Families are forever!
So, it was me, my little sister, my little brother, Dad, Mom, GrandmaH, GrandpaH, AuntJo, UncleRo, Rip, Zap, and Taw. Kad and Cad would have been there, but one of Kad's best friends was getting married... So they opted out.
But ANYHOW. The Payson temple is absolutely gorgeous- I mean, they all are, but Zap and I walked into the first ordinance room, and our jaws just dropped. It was LOVELY. We basically were just slack-jawed through the whole thing.
And the funny thing is, we've gone to temple open houses before- with Dad's side of the family, we've been to the Oquirrh Mountain, Brigham City, Ogden, Draper... And a few more. So we've seen temples before.
But we're always blown away by how lovely they are.
And not only that, but there is this incredible feeling of peace and love- the strongest presence of the Spirit, and in a temple that isn't even dedicated yet! It's wonderful.
And I love temple open houses- because it's such a brilliant promise for the future, for the eternity that can come.
Walking through the Payson temple Saturday night, all I could think was, "This is where eternity starts."
And it's true.
I can't wait for my turn to go through the temple, and someday to be sealed there, to start my own eternity with my husband.
And of course, when eternity finally gets here, I know that I want my whole family there with me- because I can't picture myself without them.
The temple is seriously the greatest thing ever.
Families are forever!
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
For Real, Everybody?
So, my school's prom was this Saturday. There's kind of a tradition that girls wear their dresses and guys wear their boutonnieres and whatnot to church the next day.
However, last year, around prom time, my mom directed my attention to this article.
It appeared in the October 2011 New Era, in the To The Point section. It's the last question, and what it says is this:
So, my mom had me read it and then left it up to me what I would do. I decided not to wear my dress. Last year, when people asked me why, I just explained it to them.
This year, I printed out the article and had them read it. My young women's president said, "That's good enough for me!"
And hers was the only positive reaction I got. Last year, and this year both, people go, "Oh, that's so SAD." or they look at me with pity, like I'm just missing out on this great experience of wearing my fancy dress to church.
And it's not that I couldn't, because my dresses are modest. It's that I choose not to, because we've been counseled not to.
And it drives me CRAZY that people view it as me making a sacrifice, or a sad choice. I'm just doing what we've been asked to do. Why do people pity that?
Why can't people say, "Great for you! I didn't know that we've been asked not to wear our formal attire. Way to set a good example!"
I don't understand why people think it's a negative decision.
Honestly, dealing with everyone pitying me for doing the right thing was harder for me than not wearing the dress, or seeing the other girls in their dresses.
And I think we need to change our perceptions, so that doesn't happen. People who ought to have the same standards shouldn't make others feel pitied for holding those standards.
K. Pet peeve rant over.
However, last year, around prom time, my mom directed my attention to this article.
It appeared in the October 2011 New Era, in the To The Point section. It's the last question, and what it says is this:
"Some youth wear their formal outfits to church on the Sunday after a school’s formal dance. Is this OK for Sunday dress?"
"For the Strength of Youth says, “Show respect for the Lord and for yourself by dressing appropriately for Church meetings” ([2001], 16). So the answer to this question depends on what “appropriately” means.
Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught a principle that helps us understand what is appropriate dress for sacrament meeting. “There should be nothing about [your] personal appearance or actions that would call special attention to [you] or distract anyone present from full attention to the worship and covenant making that are the purpose of this sacred service” (“Sacrament Meeting and the Sacrament,” Ensign, Nov. 2008, 20).
Prom dresses, formals, and tuxedos belong at a dance, not at church. This special type of dress is worn for certain special occasions and would unduly call attention to itself at church.
A priest blessing the sacrament in a tuxedo would be distracting, as would a young woman attending church in a formal dress.
Also keep in mind that there may be young men or young women at church who did not attend the dance. Seeing others in gowns and tuxes could be hurtful and disrupt their worship experience. Be mindful of how you dress, because it could affect those around you, as well as your own worship."
This year, I printed out the article and had them read it. My young women's president said, "That's good enough for me!"
And hers was the only positive reaction I got. Last year, and this year both, people go, "Oh, that's so SAD." or they look at me with pity, like I'm just missing out on this great experience of wearing my fancy dress to church.
And it's not that I couldn't, because my dresses are modest. It's that I choose not to, because we've been counseled not to.
And it drives me CRAZY that people view it as me making a sacrifice, or a sad choice. I'm just doing what we've been asked to do. Why do people pity that?
Why can't people say, "Great for you! I didn't know that we've been asked not to wear our formal attire. Way to set a good example!"
I don't understand why people think it's a negative decision.
Honestly, dealing with everyone pitying me for doing the right thing was harder for me than not wearing the dress, or seeing the other girls in their dresses.
And I think we need to change our perceptions, so that doesn't happen. People who ought to have the same standards shouldn't make others feel pitied for holding those standards.
K. Pet peeve rant over.
Monday, April 14, 2014
Jesus, Once of Humble Birth
So, in my stake we have a Spanish branch, and they don't have a pianist. I'm one of a few youth who get to go play for them sometimes, and yesterday was one of those times. I was playing for the sacrament, and the hymn was #120, Tan Humilde al Nacer. I recognised it as Jesus, Once of Humble Birth, and I was thinking about the lyrics I could remember-
"Jesus, once of humble birth, Now in glory comes to earth. Once he suffered grief and pain; now he comes on earth to reign. Now he comes on earth to reign."
"Now his chariot is the cloud."
"Once all things he meekly bore, but he now will bear no more."
"Now their King he shall be known."
And I almost started to cry, playing that hymn, even though I couldn't understand the words in Spanish, because I could feel the spirit so strongly, just thinking of what I did know! And it was absolutely incredible!
So after I finished playing, I sat down with an English hymnal and read through all the words.
Once forsaken, left alone,
Now exalted to a throne.
Once all things he meekly bore,
But he now will bear no more.
But he now will bear no more.
Holy cow. I cried then. Those words just hit me with such force, and I felt my heart burn within me, and I KNEW they were true. And it's absolutely incredible to me that Jesus was willing to come and suffer and die for us to atone for our sins! And it is going to be AMAZING when he comes again.
I have a new hymn to add to my favourites.
"Jesus, once of humble birth, Now in glory comes to earth. Once he suffered grief and pain; now he comes on earth to reign. Now he comes on earth to reign."
"Now his chariot is the cloud."
"Once all things he meekly bore, but he now will bear no more."
"Now their King he shall be known."
And I almost started to cry, playing that hymn, even though I couldn't understand the words in Spanish, because I could feel the spirit so strongly, just thinking of what I did know! And it was absolutely incredible!
So after I finished playing, I sat down with an English hymnal and read through all the words.
Jesus, Once of Humble Birth
Jesus, once of humble birth,
Now in glory comes to earth.
Once he suffered grief and pain;
Now he comes on earth to reign.
Now he comes on earth to reign.
Once a meek and lowly Lamb,
Now the Lord, the great I Am.
Once upon the cross he bowed;
Now his chariot is the cloud.
Now his chariot is the cloud.
Once he groaned in blood and tears;
Now in glory he appears.
Once rejected by his own,
Now their King he shall be known.
Now their King he shall be known.
Once forsaken, left alone,
Now exalted to a throne.
Once all things he meekly bore,
But he now will bear no more.
But he now will bear no more.
Holy cow. I cried then. Those words just hit me with such force, and I felt my heart burn within me, and I KNEW they were true. And it's absolutely incredible to me that Jesus was willing to come and suffer and die for us to atone for our sins! And it is going to be AMAZING when he comes again.
I have a new hymn to add to my favourites.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)