Making Words Matter

Right, I'm finally posting this. Because it's still important.

So, I was asked to speak back in June (on the 14th, actually), along with my friend Kys, who also just graduated. Our topic was broad- "How did seminary and high school change your life/what did you learn from them?" Yeah. HUGE. And we both thought a lot about it... But neither of us wrote anything down.

I get up on the stand that morning, and Kys says, "I have it all in my head."
"Oh, me too. I'm just writing down my five main points, just in case." Because I'd pulled out a pen and a paper, and that's what I was doing.
"Ooo, that's a good idea!" So Kys pulled out her cell phone and made a note with her five main points. (Yes, we both had five. FACT.)

So, I walked up to speak with my five points, two of which were these:

It's okay to not know the answer.
God knows you and loves you individually.

Everything I talked about was significant to me, but those two especially. Here's why:

It's okay to not know the answer! Sometimes, you run across questions in the Gospel, doctrines you're not sure on, and sometimes things won't seem to make sense, even if you pray and ponder and do everything else. And that's ALRIGHT. It doesn't mean God isn't answering you... Sometimes it means you aren't ready for the answer yet, and sometimes it means that you'll never get the answer. And that's okay. Even Christ doesn't know everything! And if there are some things that we won't know in this life, that is alright.
And this is something I struggled with, all through high school. It was frustrating to me to not get answers, or to feel like I wasn't being heard. It made me wonder if I was doing something wrong, and sometimes it was a huge test of my faith. But I realised this year that it's ok to not know EVERYTHING. It's ok to just say, "I don't know," and lean on my faith in God. That was HUGE for me.

God knows you and loves you individually. This is SO. IMPORTANT. There will be times in your life when you may feel like you don't have any friends, or no one understands you, or maybe you're not getting along with your family. It will be hard. BUT. The most powerful person in this universe is on your side, in your corner, and He will never let you down.
And I told this story that had a huge effect on my testimony of this (which actually occurred over a year ago, from when I'm posting this. any comments I didn't originally share will be in green, everything else will be verbatim just as I said it then).
"This fall (2014), I had the opportunity to be one of the drum majors for the high school marching band, something that I've wanted to do for a long time. While it was an amazing experience, and I learned a lot, it was also one of the most challenging things I have ever done. We had a new band director this year (2014-15), because our other director retired at the end of last year (2013-14), and that added to the challenges. The band, as a whole, was getting used to a new director, and pushing limits, and it was frustrating to deal with.
"There was one particular football game (Sep 19, 2014) that was incredibly difficult. It was a pile up of a lot of things, but I basically felt like I wasn't fulfilling my obligations, and that I could do a better job, and I was so frustrated with the way the whole band was acting, and I just didn't know what to do about. The other drum major (Rle!) and I ended up in tears for the whole second half of the game, and cried for a long while after it. We felt awful.
"But the next day (Sep 20), we had a youth temple trip to do baptisms at the Salt Lake Temple. We had a ward devotional in the baptistry chapel, BishopB talked about how it doesn't matter where you were yesterday, or what other people think, or what challenges you're having- and I just started to cry- because we're in the temple now, and none of it matters here.
"And I just kept crying, waiting to do baptisms, getting confirmed. I think I scared a couple of our Beehives, because it was their first time doing baptisms, and I just bawled the whole time. But I was crying because I just felt this overwhelming sense of peace and love. I could feel the Spirit confirming that I am a daughter of God, that He knows me, and that if I kept doing my best to fulfill my obligations and to keep His commandments, that I was going to be okay. That feeling of peace and love stayed with me that whole day.
"The next day, Sunday (Sep 21), I asked my dad for a father's blessing. Despite the fact that I felt much better after being in the temple, I was still dreading going to band the next day. So my dad, without knowing what I had felt in the temple, gave me a blessing- in which he said all the same things. Again, I felt that feeling of love and peace.
"And, that night, my mom gave me a letter, saying she had felt impressed to write me a note. She had been out of town that weekend, and didn't know that I had been upset, or why I wanted the father's blessing when I asked for it, but this letter talked about what a valuable daughter of God I am, and how she's so proud of me, and other things.
"Although that football game was an awful experience, the witness of God's love for me that I received because of it is incredible. Maybe, in the eternal scheme of things, being the drum major of the marching band doesn't matter that much. But it was important to me, and because (and here I started to cry while giving the talk) I matter to God, it was important to Him."
And I know that it is true that God knows each of us individually, and that he will support us.

This point was my closing point, and I kept crying while I bore my testimony of the Gospel and Christ and the Book of Mormon. But I felt really good about my talk.

Then, later that day, one of my friends texted me- a kid in my ward who's been in band and choir with me, and who'll be a junior this year. This is how that conversation went:

Him: [My name] your talk today was so awesome! It was so inspiring and amazing. Thank you for always being such a good example to me and helping me to remember who I am. I'm so happy we got to know each other of the course of the past couple of years. It really has been awesome. I'm so excited to watch you continue to grow and become a better and more amazing person.

I cried. I was so worried about my talk, and knowing that it had impacted someone, especially one of the other youth, really meant the world to me.

Me: Thank you so much, [his name]! That really means a lot to me, cuz I was really nervous about this talk and it I'd be able to say everything I needed to. And I'm glad I know you too. You're a great kid! ^_^

Him: You didn't even seem nervous at all it was so great and made my day! Thank you.

Me: Haha thanks! But seriously that means so much to me.

Him: You are welcome!

And it seriously was the hugest thing to me, knowing that my words mattered. It was amazing. I was so worry about the talk, and if I'd be able to say something that would matter, and that I'd be guided by the Spirit. And something mattered to my friend. And that means so much to me.

I Hope They Call Me...

First off, for some great mood music, and a REALLY cute video:

So. I have wanted to serve a mission for as long as I can remember. Then, when this happened

my sophomore year of high school, I was SO STOKED. I'm old for my class, an I will turn 19 this August, right after I graduate in June. I can leave with the guys, basically! This option, it seemed, took away any debates about other things interfering, or maybe not going. It was perfect!

Then, as this year progressed, and I went through senior year, I began to seriously ponder my future. I've been debating and weighing pros and cons all year, and I've had such a tough time. I eventually decided that, the option is open at 19, but that doesn't mean you must go then, and I have some really amazing college opportunities available.... So, I planned to go to college, maybe do two years or all four, and then serve. I felt okay about that choice, although no real firm answer seemed to be settled on.

But while I was debating, I talked to my mom about it, I talked to my bishop, and they both told me that either choice is good, it's up to me, it's what I need to do. And my wonderful Bishop B. gave me some inspired advice, telling me that it's okay to go or not. I can work on papers, and see what happens. And he said that sometimes, it's frustrating to try to get answers. Sometimes, the Lord lets us struggle, so that when we decide we are sure we are in the right place. And sometimes, it's because either choice is fine- the Lord could use me as a missionary in the field or at college. Bishop B. said that, either way, it will work out. If I go to college, that's great. And if I go on a mission, college will work out- money will work out. And he told me it might be hard, deciding...

But, I really settled last week on what I'd do. I accepted one of my college admission, one that came with a pretty scholarship and amazing benefits that I felt really good about. However, as I started to set up orientation plans and other things, I just felt unsettled- like I was making the wrong choice. I started praying, hard, and I was fasting....

Then, this Sunday. The Sacrament meeting talks were about doing hard things through Christ. And during the meeting, my mom told me she felt prompted to tell me to look up the "Good, Better, Best" talk from a few years ago. Our Sunday School and Young Women's lessons were both about Joseph Smith and the First Vision and how we can discern truth for ourselves. Mission prep was incredibly spiritual. And we had a bishop's youth night, and our former stake president, President S., spoke to us about missionary work, and preparing, and serving... He read the announcement on the age change, and urged our young men to continue to prepare. We have one senior boy in our ward, and he has his call already- he's an amazing example. Then, President S. talked to the girls, about how we can serve- and he talked about his five daughters. Four have passed mission age, two went, and two didn't, and he talked about how both choices are fine, how both situations benefitted his daughters. And I felt the Spirit so strongly, confirming that. But, I was still confused about what this all meant for me- Am I making the right choice, postponing my mission for college? What do I need to be doing?

Then, President S. talked about how the most important focus we should have, mission or not, is the temple. And we read the Message from the First Presidency, focusing on a few points:

"OUR DEAR YOUNG MEN AND YOUNG WOMEN, we have great confidence in you. You are beloved sons and daughters of God and He is mindful of you. You have come to earth at a time of great opportunities and also of great challenges. The standards in this booklet will help you with the important choices you are making now and will yet make in the future. We promise that as you keep the covenants you have made and these standards, you will be blessed with the companionship of the Holy Ghost, your faith and testimony will grow stronger, and you will enjoy increasing happiness.

In all that you do, stay focused on the temple. In the temple you will receive the greatest of all the Lord’s blessings, including marriage for time and all eternity. Keeping the standards in this booklet will help you be worthy to attend the temple, where you can perform sacred ordinances for your ancestors now and make essential covenants for yourself in the future.

Our Father in Heaven has placed great trust in you. He has a work for you to do. Seek His guidance in prayer, and counsel with your parents and leaders. The decisions you make now will set the course for much of what will follow during your mortal life and throughout eternity.

We testify that God lives. It is our fervent prayer that you will remain steadfast and valiant throughout your lives and that you will trust in the Savior and His promises. As you do this, you will be an influence for good in helping to build the kingdom of God and prepare the world for the Second Coming of the Savior."

President S. especially pointed out two lines:
"You are beloved sons and daughters of God and He is mindful of you." and
"In all you do, stay focused on the temple."

And oh, my word, I felt the Spirit, so strongly, testifying to me that God knows me and my struggles and that He cares about me, and that I matter. And that the temple is the ultimate goal!
It was an amazing meeting.

So I went home and I thought and I prayed some more. And I looked up "Good, Better, Best." It's by Dallin H. Oaks, and it's from the October 2007 General Conference (which surprised me, because I remember it, and I was eleven. Wow.). I read through the whole thing, but I kept coming back to the first few paragraphs.

Most of us have more things expected of us than we can possibly do. As breadwinners, as parents, as Church workers and members, we face many choices on what we will do with our time and other resources.

I.

We should begin by recognizing the reality that just because something is good is not a sufficient reason for doing it. The number of good things we can do far exceeds the time available to accomplish them. Some things are better than good, and these are the things that should command priority attention in our lives.

Jesus taught this principle in the home of Martha. While she was “cumbered about much serving” (Luke 10:40), her sister, Mary, “sat at Jesus’ feet, and heard his word” (v. 39). When Martha complained that her sister had left her to serve alone, Jesus commended Martha for what she was doing (v. 41) but taught her that “one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her” (v. 42). It was praiseworthy for Martha to be “careful and troubled about many things” (v. 41), but learning the gospel from the Master Teacher was more “needful.” The scriptures contain other teachings that some things are more blessed than others (see Acts 20:35; Alma 32:14–15).

A childhood experience introduced me to the idea that some choices are good but others are better. I lived for two years on a farm. We rarely went to town. Our Christmas shopping was done in the Sears, Roebuck catalog. I spent hours poring over its pages. For the rural families of that day, catalog pages were like the shopping mall or the Internet of our time.

Something about some displays of merchandise in the catalog fixed itself in my mind. There were three degrees of quality: good, better, and best. For example, some men’s shoes were labeled good ($1.84), some better ($2.98), and some best ($3.45).¹

As we consider various choices, we should remember that it is not enough that something is good. Other choices are better, and still others are best. Even though a particular choice is more costly, its far greater value may make it the best choice of all.

Consider how we use our time in the choices we make in viewing television, playing video games, surfing the Internet, or reading books or magazines. Of course it is good to view wholesome entertainment or to obtain interesting information. But not everything of that sort is worth the portion of our life we give to obtain it. Some things are better, and others are best. When the Lord told us to seek learning, He said, “Seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom” (D&C 88:118; emphasis added).

 "It is not enough that something is good. Other choices are better, and still others are best." And I just sat there, staring at my computer, praying and pondering about what choice is good, better, best, for me.
And I looked over the mission application. And I fasted again the next day. And I came to the conclusion, that, lovely scholarships don't matter. All will be well. And I need to go on a mission.

I'm back on my original plan, to serve right away. And I'm hoping to have my papers done within the next few weeks, before school ends. And I feel so good about this decision.