Work on the Roots

I swear, I should not be writing this post right now, because I have a class in 40 minutes that I still need to finish up some reading for, but I just really need to organise my thoughts because

HOLY COW WOW

So I'm at university, and I might as well clarify that it is indeed Brigham Young University, which is a private school owned by my church that is, naturally, very religious. Also, it means I get to see these mountains all the time:

But anyhow. I'm taking a Teaching and Doctrine of the Book of Mormon class, and every time I walk out of there, I'm just in awe at how much I've learned. I am not ignorant when it comes to the Book of Mormon- I've read it multiple times in two languages, and while I'm still learning, I do know much of the doctrine and many of the overarching themes. And it continually astounds me for its beauty and simplicity and all that I can learn, every time I open it.

So today, in this class we discussed Jacob 5. A chapter that is jokingly dreaded as the longest chapter in the book, 77 whole verses. A chapter that is written in an Isaiah-like style, that we as a culture often struggle to understand. Zenos' allegory of the olive tree.

Basically, Zenos likens the House of Israel unto an olive tree, and goes on to explain the history, and prophesy the future, of God's people. Very Old Testament, Abrahamic covenant style here.

And I actually really love this chapter already, for all it teaches us of the nature of God: His patience and long-suffering with us, His diligence in our salvation, the fact that He weeps, grieving, should He lose any of His children. There is so much wonderful insight into His character in this chapter, as we read the narrative of His dealings with His covenant children.

But my teacher, Brother Griffin, took it a step past that. He encouraged us to think in the Hebrew style, and find more layers of symbolism in these teachings. And he compared it all to us.

Suddenly, the pruning of the olive tree was God giving me trials and guidance, things that are hard, but that I need. The digging and nourishing was Him preparing me for, and then giving me, blessings. And grafting was His hand guiding people and experiences that I need into my life.

It all hit me in a way it never had before.

But it got deeper later, as we spoke of the time when the branches that were grafted in overwhelmed the roots of the tree, and it brought forth evil fruit (Jacob 5:48). I had already thought of this passage as a warning against personal pride, loftiness, which will strangle out righteousness.

But it goes deeper. Brother Griffin talked about how, sometimes, before we can grow or stretch more, we need to work on our core, our roots. We need to be stronger, more steady, more ready to take on extra weight or added growth. He related that to our personal lives and also to the growth of the church as a whole. He said we're in a slow growth time- and that's ok, because trees don't grow the same amount every year. But he also said that it means that we need to work on the roots, on us. And as I thought about my mission, my eighteen month labour of love complete with one baptism, I could see how that was true. And this moment struck me.

Because I worked hard. I did. I wasn't perfect, but I tried to do what was right. And every city I worked in was a constant struggle to find people to teach, and to try to improve relationships with the members and to get them involved in missionary work. And twice, when I left an area, in the following transfers there was growth and success, baptisms. And I struggled with that, comparing myself to the other missionaries, wondering why I never saw results like that. Towards the end of my mission, I started to appreciate what a work I had done in building member relations and preparing the way for the next missionaries.

But in class today, as Brother Griffin spoke about nourishing the roots, I was overcome by my feelings, knowing how much time I've spent doing just that. And in contemplation, I realise that I feel more ok about it now than I ever did in the field, more open to the fact that I did work. Somehow, it hit me that it was ok, and important.

And also, that I have a lot of work to do on my own roots. I'm not in my best place right now, spiritually, academically, in terms of motivation and sticktuitiveness. And I felt sharply, how far I have to go. But I am so looking forward to Gerneral Conference this weekend, to help me find some of the guidance I need. And I am ready to work on my roots, so that when the growth comes, I am ready to bear the burdens God asks me to.

It's going to be a good year.