PROcrastination

Once again, I'm coming to you when I ought to be reading things for a class, but Imma have a fangirl second and share with y'all some of my current obsessions.

Ava's Demon
It's this really gorgeous webcomic

Filled with interesting characters 

And a very compelling story. Read it.

Also, I'm currently obsessed with this song

Lindsay Mendez is just EVERYTHING. I LOVE her.

Also, this mini-musical. Feat. Lindsay Mendez again, opposite the AMAZING Anthony Ramos and written by Lin-Manuel Miranda (to whom I'll probably dedicate a post sometime)

Ok, bye. I just wanted to get it on record that I LOVE THESE THINGS.

Weeks Went By Like What

Ok, so a lot of stuff has gone down these last two weeks and I need to get it all down.

First off, I feel like I've discovered one of my reasons for being here at BYU, which means a lot to me. Last Thursday morning, the university sent out an email telling everyone about a lecture by an almuna, Liz Shropshire. Billed as "Teaching Children Peace Through Music: The Life-Changing Impact of Music Education for Children in War Zones", the lecture was supposed to "details Shropshire's work in refugee camps and communities across Syria, Northern Ireland, and Uganda."

I went on a total whim. Music education is what I want to do. Refugees are people, incredible resilient people with heartbreaking stories, and I was interested. And what I heard changed me.

Liz went to Kosovo on a relief trip in 1999, and raised money to bring instruments to give to the children, just pennywhistles and harmonicas. She taught these kids music and then knew that she had to keep coming back. So she started a non-profit organisation, and then established a program in Kosovo, and eventually it grew to the point where it's run entirely by Kosovo youth volunteers and runs all year and Liz only goes to check up.

She expanded out to Northern Ireland, Uganda, and most recently to Greece. She told stories of children who came into her programs looking broken and helpless, who suffered from screaming nightmares, who found solace in their music. They keep their instruments on them all the time and they play and sing all the time. The smiles start. The nightmares stop. And the youth learn they can make a difference, learn leadership, and love serving the children. It's a win for everyone.

Her website, Teaching Peace Through Music, explains a lot more about them. I'll share an excerpt: 

The Shropshire Music Foundation develops youth leadership and capacity for peacemaking and problem-solving in global conflict zones through the establishment of locally-run, youth-led music education programs. These programs provide local children opportunities for education, trauma relief, expression, and creativity and local teenagers opportunities to develop leadership, teaching, and expressive skills, to become role models in their communities, to access broader opportunities for education, and to reduce vulnerability to extremist group participation.

The Shropshire Music Foundation provides free musical instruments and instruction to former child soldiers and refugees in some of the world’s most war-torn locations: Uganda, Kosovo, Northern Ireland, and Syrian Refugee Centers. Since 1999, we have taught more than 17,000 young people that through music they can bring healing, hope, and peace to their communities.

I was honestly so blown away by this lecture, and the follow-up Q&A session the next day. We're hoping to start an official club here at the university, and possibly to start working with refugees in Salt Lake and Provo, using her program. And I haven't felt this excited or this right about anything since I got my mission call and on my mission. I know, without a doubt, that this is something I have to be a part of. For how long, I'll see, but I'm sure I am here right now so I could hear about this.

God guides us, truly.

But wait, there's more. September was not a good month for me, in terms of motivation and spirituality and life. So on Sunday, I fasted for the strength to accomplish and overcome everything that stood before me.

Diving foreshadowing. On Sunday night, my parents told my siblings and I that my dad has lost his job. The mine did some rearrangin' and his position didn't make the cut. Enter period of uncertainty for us.

But I have faced this week confident in the fact that God will watch over us and guide my daddy to the next place he's supposed to be and that it will all turn out ok. And I attribute much of my serenity to the fast on Sunday.

God is giving me strength.

I'm also suffering from an intense renewed desire to do my schoolwork and earn scholarships and make as little stress for my parents as possible, which is a good thing.

Had an incredible Book of Mormon class again in which our teacher talked about how important it is to make sure that we talk about Heavenly Father- sometimes in the Church, we as members talk about Christ so much that we never mention our Father in Heaven. And if Christ were here, well, what would He say about that? The whole plan comes back to our Father, His love for us, the fact that we can be with Him again.

And it was simultaneously a super uplifting and very validating moment for me, because I had noticed this tendency, especially on my mission, and I tried so hard not to do this. Because my relationship with Heavenly Father means everything to me, knowing that I am His daughter helps me understand my purpose, and I can't wait to be with Him again.

God knows me, and He loves me.

Also, it was my mom's birthday yesterday.

And the finally, today. I have a job working as a custodian at the MTC, and today I was working on something when two elders came up to me and asked if they could share a short message with me. Of course, I agreed.

They read me Doctrine and Covenants 19:16-18.

For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent;
But if they would not repent they must suffer even as I;
Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit—and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink—

And they asked me how knowing someone cared that much for me would impact me. I told them, truthfully, it would make me want to do what that person wanted, and to do what was best.

And then these two sweet, terrifiedly nervous elders, bore sincere and powerful testimony that God loves me that much, that He knows me and watches over me and will take care of me.

And I needed to hear it. I so did.

And to top it all off, I went to the temple with a couple of friends/coworkers, and I just got back and sat down to write this post because WOW.

I haven't been since the start of September, and it was so sweet to be in the House of the Lord. Every time I am there, I feel like I am home. I so needed to be there today.

I have so much to learn. But there is so much that I love about the temple. And the sweetest moment was sitting in the celestial room, pondering, and the hymn, O My Father came to mind. I sang through the whole thing, reveling in the beauty of the words. And especially the first and fourth verses.

O my Father, thou that dwellest 

In the high and glorious place, 

When shall I regain thy presence 

And again behold thy face? 

In thy holy habitation, 

Did my spirit once reside? 

In my first primeval childhood 

Was I nurtured near thy side?  

In the heav’ns are parents single? 

No, the thought makes reason stare! 

Truth is reason; truth eternal 

Tells me I’ve a mother there. 

When I leave this frail existence, 

When I lay this mortal by, 

Father, Mother, may I meet you 

In your royal courts on high? 

Then, at length, when I’ve completed 

All you sent me forth to do, 

With your mutual approbation 

Let me come and dwell with you.

I mean, I was thinking it in German, but the overall effect is the same.

I am overwhelmed by God's love and awareness of me, and by the glory of the fact that I can return to live with Him again.

Today was a perfect day. :)

Home Means Nevada

I have a lot of thoughts and feelings and opinions right now and I need to rant a bit, write a bit, straighten it all out.

Weird side effect of my mission is that I came back political as all get-out. Before, I knew it was important and felt obligated to participate as a good citisen. But somewhere in the middle of Germany and the refugee crisis and a world that is so much bigger than me, I changed. Now, I get fired up and ready to go, on fire to advocate and create change.

So what happened this week hasn't just hit me as a tragedy that I'm waiting for someone to change. It struck me as something that I need to be vocal about and campaign for and fight for change.

Sunday night, at the Route 91 Harvest Festival, a country music festival, there was a shooting. Currently, there's 59 people dead and 527 more wounded in the US's deadliest mass shooting. Ever. And there is a lot of grief and rage and opinions being aired in the country right now, with the internet a place for vitriol and debate.

And here's my spiel.

As a Nevadan, I am heartbroken. It's not hard to picture it happening anywhere else, somewhere closer to home. Henderson, Reno, Elko, Wendover. We're all full of casinos and parties and festivals and people, every day. And I have friends who live in Vegas. As of yet, no one I know has been effected. But there's 586 families and communities out there that are reeling right now.

And it's terrifying to consider the fact that Americans make no progress to fix this problem. There's no "if there's a shooting," there's just, "when there's a shooting," and I've learned coping tactics in school and one time my high school was locked down for real because there was a man with a gun just a few blocks away. But it was lunchtime at an open campus school, and most of us didn't know it was a lockdown. If the situation had escalated, it would have ended heartbreakingly. That terrifies me.

If something doesn't change, I will raise my children in a place where random acts of mass-violence are inevitable and they can expect to be involved in one, even in this country that ought to be great and shining, an example for the world.

That breaks my heart.

Now is a time to mourn, to grieve, to support those effected.

But then it's time to talk solutions.

In the past few days, I've seen charts and graphs depicting America's gun problems and how many shootings we have and read opinions and ideas of what to change and how to handle this and honestly, I am so on board.

Yes, require a license. Yes, register gun buyers. Yes, a 48-hour delay. Yes, mandatory gun safety. No, silencers should not be easier to purchase. No, civilians do NOT need heavy artillery. Collectors? Fine. But they can't get ammunition. I know a lot of people have a lot of arguments for what I'm saying right now, but I don't care. I'm conservative about a lot of things, but if arguing for safety and reason puts me on the liberal side of this issue, I will stand there gladly.

Listen. I know people will claim 2nd Amendment "right to bear arms," but you know what? This is the full text:

A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.

That was written as a direct result of what the American colonists had lived with as English citisens. Only the army could bear arms. Civilians had no way to defend themselves. The 2nd Amendment was written 200 years ago and was NOT written to allow civilians to collect hoards of heavy artillery.

Do gun control laws infringe on the right to self-defense? No. People could still obtain a gun, they'd just have to jump through a few hoops to do so. I'll always support your right to defend yourself. But I cannot support a system that allows people to easily perpetrate mass violence.

There is a time to fix things. There are things we can change. We have to look past political agendas and look at what is best for our country and for our future.

We can never bring back those who have lost their lives to gun violence. But we can take steps to prevent it from happening again. And that starts now.