In Defense of Kindness

I just have to rant for half a second.

This week at work, we were at a meeting in the office, and our supervisor started telling us a story that went down with the missionaries that she and the other supervisors thought was absolutely hilarious. And everyone was laughing. (For the record, our supervisor is in her forties, and all my coworkers are other BYU students in their early twenties.) Anyhow, everyone's laughing at this, and then the piece de resistance is revealed- a piece of men's clothing was found in the women's residence lost and found.

Everyone's laughing, but for me, it wasn't really funny anymore- and it hadn't been that funny the whole time- so I said, "Oh, c'mon, that's just gotta be a laundry mix-up or something; someone left something in a dryer on accident..."

And one of my coworkers turned to me and said, "Oh, c'mon Rose, you gotta stop being so nice to people all the time!"

I was surprised- and I paused for a beat, before saying, "No, I refuse to. I will always give people the benefit of the doubt," but I don't think he was listening to me anymore.

And it bothered me.

My kindness is not weakness. I will always assume the best of other people- I would hope they'd do the same for me, but even if not. It is far too easy to be cruel, and far nobler to seek out and defend the good in the people around us.

I can be mean; I can tear people to shreds with my words. But I don't. And I do not see bravery or greatness in humour that exists purely at the expense of other people. I don't want to laugh at that or stand for that.

It is harder to be kind, to hold my tongue when a clever, rude remark is straining there. It is harder to not laugh when my peers don't see a problem with the joke. It is scarier to speak up in defense of those I don't know.

But I will continue to do so. I refuse to leave kindness behind when this world needs it so desperately.

My kindness is a choice.

My kindness is not a weakness.

My kindness will not fail. 

Soulmate AU

Well, this is gonna be an abrupt change from the last post, but I'm such a disaster I have to talk about it. But FIRST a little background.

Mel and Est and I have been talking about Soulmate AUs lately (AU= alternate universe). It's ideas about worlds where you have a soulmate and something indicates that. For example:

-A tattoo of each others’ names on their wrist/palm/etc

-A tattoo of each others’ first words to one another

-A timer for when they shall first meet

-See colour for the first time when you meet, fades away when they die

- You stop aging at a certain age, until you meet your soulmate and grow old together.

- Songs sung by your soulmate is stuck in your head. 

-Whenever you lose an item (like a sock), it ends up in your soulmates’ possession somehow 

- Everyone receives a special accessory (hat, watch, necklace, bracelet, etc) that is exactly alike with their soulmate. Many people, when they meet their soulmate, like to swap theirs with the other. 

- If you haven’t met your soulmate but have been in the same vicinity of each other (like passing each other on a street or in the same building), that day will keep repeating until you find each other. 

Just things like that. We've been talking about them. That sets the scene for me today.

Time: 5:40

Place: the line for Chick-Fil-A

I have a class at 6 with my big brother, and I decided to buy us chocolate shakes before I get there. So I'm in line, headphones in, JAMMING out to "This Is Me" from The Greatest Showman OST (aside, this movie comes out in December and I AM SO STOKED FOR IT), and a person comes up behind me in the line. I can tell that I've been noticed (like, you know that feeling, when you're aware that another human is aware of you?), but I'm casually jammin' and about to order, so I don't do anything.

Well, fast forward approximately 45 seconds and I've ordered and he's ordered and then he starts talking to me- a silly debate about whether waiting for food or finishing food is worse, and we discussed the merits of Chick-Fil-A, and meanwhile my internal panic is slowly increasing because this guy is CUTE and he's talking to me and joking with me and WHAT, we trade names, he asks me what I'm doing at BYU (snarky me wanted to say, umm, studying?), I say planning on going into music ed, it's my first semester, so I'm still figuring life out, he goes, Oh, wow, first semester, welcome to BYU then! even though it's-wait is it December, it feels like December- and I'm laughing, no it's November, don't make it December yet!

And then they called my name up at the counter, I went up and got my food and legit SCURRIED away, saying, it was nice to meet you and panicking all the while.

And I mean bigtime. Stomach in knots. Hyperventilating. Took me like 15 minutes to calm down. But I still get butterflies if I think about it again.

Maybe I'm just bad at social. Probably I am bad at social. BUT THEN THERE'S THIS CRAZY PART OF ME

That's like, I should've chatted a minute longer, hung out for a second, asked him what he's doing, we could've talked about missions, it was an easy conversation and LIKE WHAT IF HE WAS MY SOULMATE AND I JUST RUINED IT.

Listen,

I don't believe in one single destined soulmate.

It's just all this talk of soulmate AUs has been running around, and I think it's getting to me.

Also, he made me laugh. Which was nice.

I'm a disaster.

Five Months and Two Days

I flew out of Frankfurt on June 1.

It's been five months and two days.

Simultaneously the longest and the shortest time period of my life.

I miss Germany every day. I think about all the incredible people I met. I see myself wandering down random streets. I hear the laughter of my companions. I crave the food. I miss it so much.

And at the same time, it seems like the CRAZIEST dream. I lived in Germany for a year and a half? I speak German? I've been to Cologne, Heidelberg, Duesseldorf? I lived in Frankfurt? I met people from all over the world, tried crazy foods, fell in love with a people and a culture, cried when I left?

That last one's true, at least. Flying out of Frankfurt, I'm sitting by the window, Elder Evans on my other side, and we're both staring desperately at the Frankfurt skyline, because we're leaving home behind, and I cried.

I lived in Essen for the first half of my mission.

Spent two-thirds of my remaining time in Kaiserslautern.

Went home from Frankfurt.

Essen, the industrial city, the Ruhrpott, the city I called heaven and claimed as mine the second I stepped foot there.

Kaiserslautern, with the American military presence. all the tiny Dorfs, the castles, the mountains, the town that ran me through the wringer.

Frankfurt, the big city, the business capital, the crowd, the diversity, the city I fell in love with just as I was leaving.

There are so many things I could say, and so many people I should mention. But I just don't even know where to start.

Sister Sant, my angel trainer. Sister Whicker, my soul sister. Sister Tait, my tiny spitfire.
Sister Luymes, the drumbreak. Sister Hall, the refiner.
Sister Griffen, das Vorbild.

Akmal. Steven. William. Emmanuel. Nana. Ugbayas. Palvin. Jane. Lucky. Alexander. Bagawathsings. Farzad.
Nasar. Moustafa. Abubahka. Baha. Toni. Selam. Hewit. Stanke.
Jan. Abigail. Steven. Dave. Eyob. Richard. Moheeb.

Linneman. Neu. Dietz. Dirzus. Tewes. Danilakiis. Curth. Gabriel. Blome. Wieker. Schmidt.
Baader. Cruse. Jenny. Gardner. Hack. Oberlies. 
Johnson. Kearon. Markle. Kirk. Giada. Silva. Santos.

Essen, Dortmund, Oberhausen, Muelheim, Duesseldorf, Herne, Bochum. Ruhrpott Deutsch.
Kaiserlautern, Pirmasens, Heidelberg, Ramstein, Landstuhl, Frankenstein, Neidenfels. Pfaelsisch.
Frankfurt, Darmstadt, Wiesbaden. Hessisch.

I would go back in a heartbeat. Every day was a gift and a blessing, even the ones that were so hard. Every person was a joy. Every rainstorm, green hill, castle, Dorf, Bratwurst, grey day. Every ward I served in. Every member I met.

I love them. I miss them.

It's been five months and two days.