You Can't Script This Stuff

I made a fool of myself Sunday evening, and now I'm here to tell you all about it.

So, I'm coming back from a family event, and my older brother is dropping me off, in the parking lot next to my apartment. It is approximately nine p.m. I am wearing a black and white dress, a red jacket, and red high heels.

I get out of the car, close the front passenger door, and begin moving around to the rear driver's side because I have things I needed to get out of the back. My brother, however, starts to drive away. Now, I notice a group of people standing nearby, but I don't know any of them, so all my attention is focused on my car, driving away.

"Hey," I shout, waving my arms, "Wait! Stop!" This is, unfortunately, not effective, as my hands are sort of full and I can't gesture very well. I'm running after the car, but not very quickly, as I'm in heels. After a few seconds, I'm a little desperate, so I reach down and take off my shoe, my red high heel, and throw it at my car as I shout, "FETCHER I STILL HAVE THINGS IN THE CAR!"

It is at this juncture that my brother finally clues in and stops. I jog over to the car, one heel on, one foot just in tights on the pavement, open the door, and begin to get out my things. It is then that I hear, from behind me, "Rose, is that your brother?"

And I turn, and as I answer, "Yeah," who should I see but the object of my last post, smiling at me.

The realisation sets in that I have just made a FOOL of myself in front of this guy and his family, and I want to die. Just a little bit.

I wish that a chasm would open in the earth and swallow me up.

A nice lady brought me my shoe. saying, "Here's your satin slipper," and then continued on her way.

The family keeps walking, and then he looks at me and says, "Well, see you, then."

"Yeah, see you!"

And he walks away and I duck behind the car door and express this to my brother.

"Oh," he says, "Did you not notice him?"

"No! I just noticed a group of people! I didn't realise he was there! I'm so mortified!"

"Don't be," my brother laughs, "He thought it was great."

Nonetheless, my mortification was great. 

I can only imagine how the conversation went as he caught back up to his family:
"Oh, did you know her?"
"Yeah, that's my friend, *name redacted*."
"What an... interesting girl."

(perhaps by some weird chance they know who I am, as we've been doing things with friends and we've been on a few dates)

So my brother adds to my imagined scene, "Oh, the one we've heard all about!"

To which I can only say, "I wish."

(my family has lowkey heard a lot about him because I talk too much)

I've told this story to a few people (it is, admittedly, very funny), and been told that is sounds like a dramatic breakup scene and also like the intro of the leading lady in a rom-com, so I'm keeping it in my pocket for when I'm writing a screenplay in the future.

Two hours later, I get a text from him that just says,
Solid throw! ;)

Somehow that makes it at once better and worse.

Then yesterday, I had a chance to talk to him at a church activity. For my own mental well-being, I asked if that was his family the night before. Yes. His aunt and uncle, a couple cousins, one of whom is coming to our university in the fall, and his twin brother. They were showing them around campus. It was his aunt who returned my shoe, apparently.

He said it was cool that he met my brother- or saw him, at least. So I think that's a positive.

I'm still a little embarrassed, tbh.

Rant

I haven't been on this in so long but I'm literally going crazy and I need to spill all this somewhere.

I have been thinking about you all day.

I mean.

I've been into you for a while, so thinking about you with some frequency is not unusual.
x

But I mean literally all day.

I just can't get over yesterday?

Well here's the thing: I was getting good vibes last week and tryna keep that up this week.

But by Thursday, I had convinced myself that I was reading too much into things and that I needed to chill out and that this is a one sided interest. (probably. mostly.)

But then last night.

Last night!

You came to the party, to the dance, and you started to hang out with me and my roomies/friends, and the longer it wore on the  more it seemed like everyone else was periphery and you were just hanging out with me. I wasn't sure what to make of it, but I'm not mad.

And like we were chatting and then you asked me to slow dance! and we did and it was so fun, and then we talked in the middle of the dance floor during that Latin song we didn't know how to dance to and did the Cupid Shuffle before we joined back up with our friends.

We all danced and had a good time--and as much as I am in the habit of looking for you and trying to be where you are,  without being creepy, it seemed like you were doing the same thing. Anytime you lost the group or I was somewhere else, you showed up again, looking for me.

I still don't know what colour your eyes are.

Off-topic, but it's been bothering me.

Then we went to do karaoke and it was so fun to be sitting there with you and you sat on the arm of the chair leaving space for a person and that was me who could sit there and you're so funny. And we watched our friends sing and we sang with our friends and then my lovely dears pulled a bit of a fast one on me and you and I duetted The Start of Something New from High School Musical and I JUST. I will never recover from that moment? And you hugged me and thanked me for singing with you, and I was on cloud nine, I thought. And we sat in the audience and sang Disney songs in three languages because we could and then my cousin and I got up to sing one more karaoke piece, and you'd been out of the room talking to a friend but you came in halfway through and when we were finished you said you were glad you hadn't missed it.

At this point it was getting pretty late and several of my friends had already been there longer than they'd been planning on, so they started peeling off, but I wasn't going anywhere if you weren't, and so we went back up to dance and what a blast it was, just goofing off and having fun with our friends, and having fun with you. It happened again that you got separated from the group and they decided to go somewhere, so I did a bit of a half hang back to make sure we didn't lose you, and I just- the moment of seeing you searching in the crowd and then our eyes meeting and your face shifting- will I ever recover?

So we all went to do the photo booth, and of course my roomies wanted to go together, but I went with you to because I wasn't going to not, and just sitting so close to you and laughing at the whole thing? My HEART. Also, I've got a good picture of your face to send my missionaries now, so that's a biiiiig plus. And a few more friends bailed, but we were still there, and so was one of my other roomies, and of course since I came with her, I was sticking with her.

And we were dancing with some other friends, and then we went to go put our photos in my purse- we'd meant to head right back, so I didn't tell you where we were going, but maybe I should have? In any case, we were on the other side of the room when you came over to ask if my roomie was leaving, and I told you no, we were just putting the photos away. But you came, you thought we were leaving and you made sure to catch us. 

And there is a part of me that can't believe this is happening, can't believe the way everything is looking, because I am not used to things going my way and you are wonderful?

And we went and joined up with another group of friends and just danced and had such a good time. So then the DJ announces that there's only about twenty minutes left and he's going to play the last slow song and me and my roomie kinda jokingly backed off the dance floor, but then you looked at me and held out your hand and of course I went to dance with you and wow I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. Just. Being so close to you- because it was close, you were holding me close- and laughing and talking and I taught you to waltz, I mean badly the song was in four but, just being. And you hugged me when the song ended and thanked me for dancing with you.

I literally can't stop thinking about it, about you.

And it's past midnight now but I need to get this off my chest somehow, so anyway continuing

So they do the last slow dance and then we were swing dancing and having a grand time and we were laughing and then we got absorbed into this line dance but it was so fun, and for the last two songs we joined up with our friends again.

Then the last roomie and I invited you and a couple of our other friends over for ice cream and a movie and you came and you sat by me during the movie and didn't hate that I commented and UGH it was just PERFECTION to be sitting there with you. And then when it ended we just sat there talking for a minute, until you and the other friends had to leave (because we obey curfew because we're good hooligans). But when you went to leave you hugged me. Again.

And I can't. I don't know what to do with this, but in absolutely the best way possible.

And I just keep replaying every scene from last night over and over in my head and thinking about the hugs and the slow dance and you laughing at things I said and singing with you and the slow dance and I'm so so happy about it.

So this afternoon I texted you to say that I'd had a lot of fun and that I enjoy hanging out with you and you responded that you love being around me too.

I haven't been able to stop grinning.

Is this happening???

Annnnnnnd I'm Back

How many times am I going to post about how bad at this I am?

These last few months have been rough. I haven't been motivated to do anything. I have been falling behind in all my classes. I haven't been reading my scriptures. I sleep through sacrament meeting. I will blame that on the time (1:30 is naptime, okay?). I haven't wanted to do ANYTHING.

But I am doing better.

I've been praying. I've been trying to come back.

And conference happened and it was amazing. And then I wrote this poem for this project for my religion class, and reading it back over, it hit me to the heart that this is true and that I'm where I ought to be.

I still have a lot of work to do. But I'm happier than I have been in a long time. So, for your enjoyment, nonexistent readers, here is this poem I wrote that is currently everything to me. It's not a good poem, technically. It's not well-executed and the metre is a disaster. But it's everything to me.

It's all true. And God loves me.

Truth

Look at these truths that I know
All that has been restored 
Now in these latter days
In the glory of the Lord

There's much I don't understand
And much that I've yet to learn
But firm in this faith I stand 
As I feel my spirit burn

I know that God exists
Because a young man said a prayer 
And in a brilliant answer
God and His Son were there

I know that God exists
I've seen His hand in my life
And when I needed help
He saved me every single time

I know about my Saviour
Of His mission and His life 
And the plan of salvation
That sets everything aright

I know about my Saviour 
From the Book of Mormon's words
That He came to all His people
Here and on other worlds

I've learned of the atonement 
Of salvation and of grace
I cannot comprehend them
But I know that they're in place

That through Christ's great atonement
Comes salvation through God's grace
And that one day, the plan fulfilled
I'll see Him face to face

And it will not be a meeting
Between some unknown god and me
But instead come with the feeling
That I'm where I'm meant to be

For when I say Heavenly Father

The words are literal and true

I know that I'm His daughter

This was restored too

A child of the divine

In a family eternal

Because the bonds that we make here on earth

Are far more than superficial

This truth came through the prophet

Through that young man who had prayed

Who was called to lay the foundation

Of this work in these last days

It's through God's holy priesthood

Eternal promises are sealed

On the Susquehannah and in Kirtland

These keys were once again revealed

The authority to baptise

Heal the sick and raise the dead

To call down blessings from on high

Is on the earth again

And the authority to bind

On earth and in heaven

To seal families for all time

O wondrous truth is given!

And all these things I know

And I know what I one day will see

A child of Heavenly Parents

As they are, I too will be

So many truths restored

Since that day in 1820

All that means so much to me

What shapes my eternity

And I know all of this is true

Although I wasn't there

Because I have felt my spirit burning

Because God has heard my prayer