This school year has been... Well, sort of rough for me. I've just had all sorts of junk happening. Not that any of it's really been all that significant, it's just that it all piles up and up and then it overwhelms me.
The big issue is my friends. I've had this awful feeling this year, like I've lost everyone who was really close to me. All my close friends from the last few years? Gone, in one form or another.
My big brother is on a mission in Mexico now- no asking him for advice on a daily basis.
Syb went off to college, and we never really talk anymore.
Mec went to college too, and we talk, but it's not the same, of course. And actually, every time I try to talk to her, she's busy or tired or in a bad mood... So we actually don't really talk. And that hurts.
Tak is actually the now-in-college-friend that I talk to the most. Which is a little odd, considering the whole dating-then-breaking-up-because-he-went-to-college thing. It's pretty chill, but still. There's no way we're as close as we used to be, even before we were together.
And then there's Rag, Rle, and Ael, who are all in my grade. Rag was one of the first friends I made here, Rle and I bonded over band freshman year, and Ael and I are sort of a fluke... But of the most wonderful variety.
Except for that this whole year, I've felt like I'm always their third choice, at best. They always have someone else to hang out with, to talk to, I'm always the last one in the loop.
I've spent this whole school year saying, "What are you talking about? What's up? Wait, you never told me about that!" and the like. And honestly? That HURTS like I never imagined. I don't know whether it's my fault or their fault that this gap has grown, but it did. And I don't like it.
And the thing is, I thought it had been getting better. And then earlier this week, we were supposed to set up rooms of four people for a trip our choir is going on. And Rag and Rle set up a room with two of our other friends without even glancing at me. And I'd talked to Rag about maybe doing something. But it didn't occur to either of them that maybe I'd like to room with them. And that just... I was upset about it. I still am, a little.
And then, between the day of room-setting-up-ness and today, I had to take this personality test for one of my classes. I've taken it a few times before, and every time I get the same result: ENFP (Extraverted, iNtuitive, Feeling, Perceiving/Prospecting). But this week... I thought about it a little more, because I was in such a funk about this whole year and my friends and whatnot.
And I realised something. As a whole, the ENFP description is excellent for me, but especially the Feeling part. It's always the highest percentage when I take the test, the trait in which I am farthest away from its opposite. And reading the ENFP description again so close to this incident that upset me so much, I noticed this:
"ENFP personalities are very emotional and sensitive, seeing feelings as
something that everyone should take time to understand and express.
However, this trait can also cause a lot of stress for them as ENFPs may
often focus too much on other people’s motives and possible meanings of
their actions. People with this personality type are observant and
intuitive, but can make serious mistakes trying to use their
interpretation of other people’s emotions as a basis for their
decisions."
And this:
ENFP weaknesses
- Highly emotional. ENFP personalities tend to have
very intense emotions, seeing them as an inseparable part of their
identity. This may often cause the ENFP to react strongly to criticism,
conflicts or tension.
- Overthink things. ENFPs always look for hidden
motives and tend to overthink even the simplest things, constantly
asking themselves why someone did what they did and what that might
mean.
- Get stressed easily. ENFPs are very sensitive and
care deeply about other people’s feelings – this can cause them a lot of
stress sometimes as people often look toward them for guidance and
encouragement, and the ENFP cannot always say “yes”.
And I realised, that maybe that's why I've been so upset about life this year. Because these incredibly emotional sides of my personality type are very true for me. And they could help explain why I act the way I do.
Honestly, Rle, Ael, and Rag probably have no idea what they're doing.
And maybe I just need to be a little bit less of the F in ENFP and stop taking everything so personally.
So, I have a problem. I get really attached to characters in books, and I get really upset on their behalf. Also excited. And basically everything else. Pretty much, I don't need a life because I live in fiction, in ink and pages.
You think I'm kidding, but I'm not.
I have a list of fictional characters that I'm in love with. I mean, I've written it down and everything- in no specific order, but I've done it. And it just keeps getting longer.
Classic case? The Bartimaeus Trilogy, by Jonathon Stroud. I've been in love with Nathaniel for... at least five years. And every time I reread the series, I fall for him again. Also, Kitty and Bartimaeus are all SORTS of awesome, a kick-butt girl and a smart-aleck djinni. EPIC. And OHMYGOODNESS. The ending of the series is SO perfect, but I honestly cried for two hours the first time I read it, and have cried every time since then. Absolutely fantastic books, though.
Recent offender? The Fault In Our Stars, by John Green. I discovered this book yesterday and devoured it, finished today. It's GORGEOUS, and it really makes you think about a lot of things, but it's also totally a tear-jerker. But then, it is a book about teen cancer patients, and life, and love, and everything. It's AMAZING. And Augustus Waters has been added to The List, totally. He's ADORABLE. But yeah, definitely a book I cried over. And will if-- actually, when, I read it again.
I'm honestly trying to figure out why it is that I get so attached to fictional people, why I can absolutely get lost in the world of a book and wish I could be there. In the meantime, if you care to join me, this is The List.
It's not complete. And it's not in order. And it's not even all the books I love. Just the characters I'm in love with from some of them. But all of these books are excellent!
THE LIST
Peter Pevensie------The Chronicles of Narnia, C.S. Lewis
Edmund Pevensie
Prince Caspian
Nathaniel------------The Bartimaeus Trilogy, Jonathon Stroud
Oskan---------------The Icemark Trilogy, Stuart Hale
Charlemagne
Gilbert Blythe-------The Anne of Green Gables Series, L.M. Montgomery
Walter Blythe
Jem Blythe
Ken Ford
Corlath--------------The Blue Sword, Robin McKinley
Geric----------------The Books of Bayern, Shannon Hale
Finn
Razo
Conrad
Howl-----------------Howl's Moving Castle series, Diana Wynne Jones
Michael
Abdullah
Peter
Ron Weasley---------The Harry Potter series, J.K. Rowling
Neville Longbottom
Viktor Krum
Twig-----------------The Edge Chronicles, Paul Steward and Chris Riddell
Quint
Rook
Nate
Peder----------------The Princess Academy, Shannon Hale
Steffan
Nico Di Angelo--------The Percy Jackson Series, Rick Riordan
Leo Valdez
Frank Zhang
Percy Jackson
Jason Grace
Magnus Bane---------The Mortal Instruments series, Cassandra Clare
Jace Wayland
Simon Lewis
Augustus Waters-----The Fault In Our Stars, John Green
Ummm.... That's about all for now. But yeah. If you don't read, you SHOULD. Books are magic!
Wellza. This weekend we got to meet our new missionaries (People Moving On? Jan. 8). We had all the missionaries over for dinner on Sunday night, which is always super fun!
Elder Miller's new companion is Elder Brito. He's cool- a little quiet, but then, English is his second language and my family is really loud and moves fast in a conversation... I think he'll warm up to us. :) But he's excited about missionary work and I'm excited to have him here!
I get all upset when missionaries leave, because I just love them so much... But then I love the new missionaries! So I guess it all works out!
And Sister Messervy's new companion is Sister Purcell- she's already graduated from college and worked a couple of years, so she's a bit older than most missionaries, but she's AWESOME. She thinks our family is great, and we had a bonding moment over the movie Frozen, which she saw right before she left on her mission- she's also the second child, and Frozen is a movie for us! (I'm gonna have to write a post about Frozen... XD) And she loves the Church and the Gospel. Great.
I love our new missionaries!
Umm... That was short. I thought I'd say more.
Other things.
Nope.
Missionaries are AWESOME! :)
