Things Aren't Getting Better?

This year. This freaking year. I just don't know what to do with it.

I think the only positive things have been my family and the Gospel. Which, are aboslutely incredible and I am SOOO grateful for them!

But today I'm gonna have a pity party. Because today this is what's happening.

So, this post? Taking Things Personally? I wrote it a bit ago about this school year and how basically I just feel like no one needs me or even wants me around... But maybe I'm overreacting and taking everything personally?

Well. I just feel like junk. Because this is still going on. I'm everyone's last choice. Our choir is going on another trip, we have to set up rooms for it, and again, no one thought of me. Some of the people I'd call my best friends, and they don't think to ask if I'd like to room with them. One friend of mine was bemoaning her lack of a room, because someone else reneged on a promise, and I said, "You could room with me!" and three seconds later, she was saying, "I don't have a room, oh, what to do, woe is me!"

THAT HURT, OK??? And maybe it seems like I'm overreacting but I don't feel like it. Because this is this whole year for me.

I'm always left out.
I'm always asking, "What's going on? What's exciting?"
I'm not anyone's first choice.

And on most days, like today, I feel like no one cares about me.

No one would notice
                                      if
                                            I
                                                  was...
                                                                gone.

And for the girl who loves people, who wants to help everyone, who craves friendship and companionship and love, that hurts.

This year is killing me, little by little.

Hopefully next year will be better.... :(

I STAND ALL AMAZED

I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me,
Confused at the grace that so fully he proffers me.
I tremble to know that for me he was crucified,
That for me, a sinner, he suffered, he bled and died.
Oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me
Enough to die for me!
Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me!

I marvel that he would descend from his throne divine
To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine,
That he should extend his great love unto such as I,

Sufficient to own, to redeem, and to justify. 
Oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me
Enough to die for me!
Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me!

I think of his hands pierced and bleeding to pay the debt.
Such mercy, such love and devotion can I forget?
No, no, I will praise and adore at the mercy seat,
Until at the glorified throne I kneel at his feet. 
Oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me
Enough to die for me!
Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me!

Text and music: Charles H. Gabriel, 1856-1932 

This is one of my absolute, very favourite hymns. Has been since I was about twelve, I think. It's so powerful and moving and absolutely true. This Sunday, I was privileged to attend a morningside by the BYU Young Ambassadors, about how God loves and knows each person individually. IT WAS AMAZING. The Spirit filled up that room like CRAZY! And they opened with an INCREDIBLE arrangement of this song. The morning side was exactly what I needed. :]

Headache Today...

Today I have a horrible headache and nothing would fix it.

And I just want to cry.

And I want a great big hug from my big brother.

But he's in Mexico.

Which is where he should be! On a mission!

But I miss him.

And I want a hug.

AND MY HEAD HURTS.

And I just needed to get that out there.